For years, there has been talk of Christian Health Care Center expanding its current footprint, allowing them to serve more people needing some level of care. After 40 years of living in Bergen County --- most spent in Franklin Lakes and Wyckoff --- I must admit I didn't know much about CHCC. Until about 5 years ago, that is. I had an elderly neighbor who had no family, and who was growing increasingly medically challenged. The most obvious and troubling issue was her eyesight. She had lived alone, after caring for her elderly parents, and had every intention of spending the last of her days in the home she loved. Sadly, the home was deteriorating just as he health had. The time of reckoning started when she "had a little bump-bump" with a car carrying a mother and her child. Although very little damage had been done to either car, it was a serious sign that she shouldn't be driving.
It was then that I started looking into other living possibilities for her. I felt very torn since I wasn't a relative, but there was no one else to help, and the neighbors --- all of whom had small children --- were starting to worry about her driving in the neighborhood. I had a former neighbor who worked at CHCC, and I called her. She was very helpful, and suggested I bring my neighbor for a visit. We had a lovely visit, and she seemed to like the place, but always ended her thoughts with "Aw, gee, Kate. I'll be fine. Mom and Dad wanted me to stay here and watch the place."
Taking someone's car keys is far more damaging to their self-esteem than you might think. Essentially, you're telling them that the next step is the nursing home. Since I was the only person close enough to her, I started having that conversation. Of course, she fought the idea, along with my next stroke of genius --- that she consider moving to CHCC's new and beautiful Assisted Living Center. The home she was living in was as awful as one could imagine a Wyckoff home being, and she was all alone. Surely, living in a beautiful apartment with people all around would be a huge improvement over what she had now. What I failed to take into account is that everything she ever knew or loved was tied to that home --- disgusting as it had become. And, at 81, changing her entire existence was something she couldn't fathom. She said she wished she could just go with her parents.
I was so worried about her that I told the Wyckoff Police she shouldn't be driving (since she could barely see), and they offered to keep an eye out for her. The moment her life changed was almost comical. I got a call from the police telling me that she they had her at the station, and that I needed to come and get her. Apparently, as she was attempting to merge with traffic, she just missed hitting a police car. Luckily, it was an officer who knew the situation. He kindly took her to the station, and told her he'd call me. When I got there, she was crying and asking if she had to go to jail. I comforted her, and told her she wouldn't, but that it was time for her to stop driving. That conversation led to concerns about how she'd get her shopping done, and that led us back to CHCC.
To say that the last 5 years of her life were better than the life she'd been living, would be a huge understatement. She made friends, played games, had wonderful meals, and sat out on the veranda and "took in the sun." She is now in the later stages of Alzheimer's Disease, and has moved to CHCC's Acute Care center, where she is surrounded by some of the kindest and most caring people I've ever met. This is an organization that lives its faith, and does the work many of us can't, or don't want to, do.
I remember a time, back in the 70s when a builder approached the Planning Board of Franklin Lakes with the idea of building a Senior Community on a large vacant parcel, in town. I will never forget one of the public meetings when a resident got up to oppose the plan. "I didn't move to Franklin Lakes to have my children see old people in wheelchairs," he said. If my addition is still good, I'd say that man is probably of the age where he needs that kind of care. We'll all get there, and wouldn't it be wonderful if we didn't have to leave the towns we love so much?
