I spent the morning with a very nice couple from Offutt, AFB looking to move back to Alaska next spring when they retire. After meeting them for coffee this morning to go over our list of homes to see and review the information packages we set off to see if we could find their dream home.
Prospect #1 - Advertised as a "stunning charmer" by an obviously far sighted listing agent. It was anything but. I swear I saw bigfoot under the pile of whatever-that-was in the corner. I had to check the address twice to make sure I didn't accidentally drive us to the city landfill. Mr. Seller, your collection of empty capless two-liter dime store cola bottles doesn’t exactly add to the appeal of the stained with-God-only-knows-what carpet. This was a definite NO.
Prospect #2 - Beautiful log home with knock-your-socks-off curb appeal. They're grinning ear to ear as we pull into the driveway. That's as far as we got because there wasn't a lockbox (as advertised) and the listing agent didn't/wouldn't/couldn't answer her phone. After looking for the lockbox for 10 minutes (and making no less than 20 calls to the L/A - don't you love redial?) we gave up and headed to the next house.
Prospect #3 - Curb appeal - check. Lockbox - check. We open the door to hear the hounds of hell begging to be unleashed. Mrs. says she's not going in and heads back to the security of the car. I, like an idiot, push the door open and call out "hello". Great plan. Alert the four legged handmaidens of Satan you nitwit. 'John' and I enter and find two elephant sized boxers in the kitchen in dog crates that are levitating from the canine wrath inside. On the island we find a note from the owner that says, "watch out for dog bombs in the back yard." As the dogs are within seconds of breaking free of their cheap, plastic Chinese imported prisons and salivating over the thought of fresh meat, we made a hasty retreat and moved this one to the NO pile.
Prospect #4 - We pause for a second as we exit the car to see what demonic creature awaited us. All quiet. Lockbox is on the door and the key actually works. I say a silent 'thank you God' as we enter. We spend a few minutes exploring the house. Kitchen needs a little remodel and it could use new carpet but the rooms are a good size and there's lots of light. So far so good. We make our way upstairs only to end our tour when John opens the bedroom
door at the top of the stairs and finds a young couple engaged in... well, lascivious behavior. That's it, we're outta here. Another NO. We get back to the car and John asks me about building. Wow, this is going well.
I've given up hope at this point. All I want is to show a cotton-picking house, for crying out loud. It's not as though we're looking at Maytag boxes with shingles for Pete's sake. There wasn’t a house on the list with a price tag of less than $350,000. What IS the problem people?
Prospect #5 - The fact that we can't get in the front door because the entire Neiman Marcus shoe department has been moved to the foyer doesn't faze us. We survived the hideous ear splitting music coming from the owners Ipod gizmo in the living room. Call me an old fart, but that thumping, wheezing, screeching, crying sound was NOT soothing (or ‘music’ for that matter). I liken it to the sound of something being eaten alive while penning its will with bloody nails on a chalkboard. Not quite what HGTV had in mind when they suggested you play music for showings Mr. & Mrs. Seller. Mrs. makes a face and says she had no idea Glade made a Sweat Sock scented air freshener. Hockey gear bag complete with stick on the dining room table. Someone's very-not-freshly-laundered undies on the floor of the master bedroom. Plate of almost finished spaghetti on the nightstand. We utter a collective sigh and head for the door.
Sell our home? Why, no... we just like the FOR SALE sign in our front yard. The colors are soooo pretty.
It's simple folks. If you want me to sell your home you're going to need to take care of a few things. C-L-E-A-N it, make it market ready (call me if you have no idea what that phrase means) and let me actually get in with the buyers to see it. Oh, yea, get rid of 'Precious' and 'Spot' and their little post-digestive treasures while you're at it. If you can handle that, I'll take care of the rest.
|
Thinking about buying or selling real estate in Fairbanks or Interior Alaska? We know Fairbanks real estate – Jesse and Kathy are your local Fairbanks real estate experts.
Search Fairbanks homes for sale, sign up for free new listing notifications, view Fairbanks market statistics or browse our virtual relocation package. Have questions? Contact us online or call us at (907) 699-6024. We would love to hear from you. |
 |
|
|
The premier real estate team in the Golden Heart City; we provide results oriented buyer and seller representation.
Fairbanks Alaska Absorption Rates June 2008
Up the creek...and no paddle in sight.
Fairbanks River Front Homes For Sale
ActiveRain Corp. is not responsible for the accuracy of the site's content (which is written by members of the ActiveRain Real Estate Network) and does not endorse the views of the real estate agents, mortgage brokers, and others listed here.
Powered by the ActiveRain Real Estate Network
© 2009 ActiveRain Corp. All Rights Reserved
Jesse, the things that happen to us, no one would believe if they weren't out with clients. Your story is funny in a sad sorta way. I agree I think some agents don't have the courage to tell the sellers what needs to get done. There homes get passed over and wonder why.
Damn, Jesse! what is wrong with these fixer-uppers? Just give me my power tools and I'll have these looking like the Tage My Hall in no time...
LOL...I've had days like that! I hope you find them a nice house Jesse and they and you have a good laugh about this day.
Jesse - sounds like a normal day to me, LOL. Hope you can find them their dream home.
Wow Jesse...
This is the one thing that drives me crazy ... sellers that don't want to sell. The client pulls the houses off of the Internet, so you have to show them.
The listing instructions say "call agent only" and the agent NEVER answers the phone! I HATE that.
It's embarrassing, and a waste of time and precious gasoline. Sellers need to get serious!
Jesse, I've discovered a beautiful home very reasonably priced. I've included a beautifully detailed photograph optimizing the potential of this charming listing. Please let me know if this is something your client might be interested in.... :-)
What a nightmare... and I thought I was working very hard! You have a lot of endurance for the scene in your area... I'm sure you are pioneering improvements!
Saturday started with laughter beacause of you. I hope it will be a terrific day, I have 2 guys coming (3rd time) to look for homes, so I will have my portion of everything.
I marked it for feature.
Jesse ~ It is amazing to me to read these stories, but I'm glad you put a humorous spin on them! I was laughing out loud at some of it - "sweat sock scented air freshner" - love it! : )
I am with Kathy on this one. That was too funny!
By Jove I think that I have been to a couple of these homes before.
Jesse - This one NEEDS to be featured. I read it aloud to my wife - hilarious! What a sad assortment of "homes" to show. Worse yet, you might be losing your hot governor to the White House soon. I feel your pain. I am flagging this one.
OMG Jesse ... come on ... are you making this up? I know you are a good writer, but come on! That was hysterical and I had a unfortunate perfect mental picture of every home. Wonderful post as usual! Thanks buddy. btw ... I'm doing my two cents to get it featured.
But, Jesse, those signs sure are purdy! And the virtual tours where we can direct our friends and relatives to see the new paint in the powder room and furniture in the game room? Ingenius! And what if we just need someone to talk to? We live out in the woods and the moose are bad listeners. Can't you come out this Thursday for the 18th listing presentation of the past month? We're really serious this time! We can put a stipulation in the MLS that no one is actually allowed to enter the house, right? Great. See you Thursday!
This is funny but some of these sellers and listing agents are wearing me out. If it needs a ton of work, do not advertise it as a "charmer" for crying out loud!
This is, by far, the funniest blog I have read in some time! My sides actually hurt by the time I had finished reading; Iwas laughing so hard! But then again, the true things are always the funniest.
Jesse, in all these stories it just screams out that the listing agent is NOT doing their job. Granted this is a people business, and people LIVE in occupied homes until sale. But where is some semblance of common sense here? And people wonder why their homes never sell. The lack of a lockbox or it hidden so well you need Sherlock Holmes with you along for the ride is inexcusable.
Bizarre is an uderstatement. This has the makings of a good Comedy Play on Broadway.
We can always count on you, Jesse, to put the frustrations of this job into a humorous perspective. If we didn't get a chance to laugh like this, we would just have to cry!
Jesse- I was totally LMAO about the dogs...four legged handmaidens of Satan! And the sexers in number 4! You had to have a good laugh with your clients after a day of showing like this! Thanks for the laugh my friend!
I enjoyed your blog. Were those real listing photos, or just a couple misc junk houses?
I do find it quite rediculous when they say "stunning charmer" & its totally the opposite.
What a day, Jesse. I haven't had any quite that colorful in recent years! It's good to see you have a sense of humor about it.
Jesse .. I was just looking at your comment again, on my blog about what breed our Gracie is ... and MAN ... besides your Doxie being beautiful, I have to say again, that is an awesome picture! Did you take it? Or did you cut and paste from a dog food ad???? Nice.
LOL!! It's really a bit mind-numbing isn't it? Every now and then I get in my car and look at my buyers and have to force my mouth to close. One time I couldn't help myself, I had to actually say "They want a half million dollars for that house. What am I missing?" But being the stellar agent you are Jesse, I know you and Kathy will find the perfect fit! It just may take a while ;-)
I'm not laughing AT you...I'm laughing WITH you! I've had THIS day! Good luck & GBU!
Jesse, really, we need to post these somewhere where the PUBLIC sees them, so these sellers may finally get it. They think we realtors make too much money, but you've wasted all day driving these buyers around, and the sellers don't even lift a hand to help themselves!
We've all shown houses like these, but not usually all in the same day!
Hope next week is better. Look at it this way, it couldn't get worse.
Linda
Jesse,
I showed 6 town homes on Saturday. 2 were clean and neat, and ready for showing. Remaining 4 were in different stage of neglect. I remembered your post.
Oh I am so sorry that your day was so bad. Your descriptive words are awesome though and made me laugh!
Wow, someone had a rough time!!! I can understand where you are coming from, and hopefully you will have better luck next time.
It would be even funnier if it weren't true! What a waste of a day, huh?
I love your blogs, Jesse, because they resonate truth, mirror some of my own experiences and always make me laugh. Ya gotta have a sense of humor about some of these things. But I truly know what you mean -- it's hard to show homes these days, especially the REOs -- which look like some of your, um, aging inventory.
Wow! That's five for five, Jessee, Come on down to Florida and you can show some my very clean listings, with lockboxes and without pets.
Jesse,
Funny story but I know how frustrating it is. If only we would/could educate our Sellers, life would be so much easier and safer.
Jesse, it is frustrating, but at least you can laugh about it, I hope! Good luck, there must be some people in the area that actually wish to sell their home!
Oh Jesse that was hilarious - I don't know which line I loved the most but this one rates at the top...
#two elephant sized boxers in the kitchen in dog crates that are levitating from the canine wrath inside# - if ever there was a visual.........! lol
Wow Jesse - I am crying from laughing at the steller tour of homes. What are people thinking???
What a bad day of showing houses! Maybe you should start working exclusively with sellers and help other buyer agents by cleaning up the offerings.
Can you give me some marketing tips for my new listing?
I can't seem to attract any buyers!!!
Perhaps your "pretty" sign will do the trick!!!
Hi Jesse: Well, maybe I'll re-think my dream of moving to Alaska?! jk I thought WE were the only ones with sellers like that! Amazing isn't it?
The best part of the story is the description though! GREAT job and well-deserving of a FEATURE!
Jesse, I just talked with a client of mine whose home has been on the market for a year and a half. They've been desperate to sell and have been pressing and pressing me.
Instead of saying "yea Deb" they said....well, we're not going to give it away!!! The offer was only 8% below listing price. Man oh man. Clients are like a box of chocolates...never know what you're gonna get! Great post!
Later in the rain~Deb
Jesse: This looks like "Hillbilly Heaven". I'll be right up. The last picture is the home I'm interested in... love the planter of flowers and the beautiful pine trees in the background. Lovely curb appeal.
Jesse – we couldn’t make these things up! The truth is far stranger than fiction –the other day when previewing a home I couldn’t help but sniff the stale smell of cigarette smoke. The home owner (who of course had to stay home waiting for a phone call) kept popping in asking if I’ve found everything ok… and I graciously advised that I was fine. As I was leaving I commented on the smell in the home and she responded with “ oh my husband enjoys a cigar every now and then outside on the back deck.” Right – and it just happened to drift into the home and STINK IT UP! What do some people think???
Raleigh Realtor – Pamela St. Peter
Oh my - it is amazing - what really sucks is there are people that do all the right things - but with so much inventory - the buyer has sometimes given up prior to finding the cream of the crop - this did not all really happen in one day did it?
Jesse, this had me rolling with the mental pictures! Thanks for the humor and keeping it all in perspective :)
Missy - Agreed... I thin a lot of agents don't have the backbone to tell the seller what they need to hear.
Bubba - I could have used your expertise my friend.
Monika - Don't ya just love days like this? ;-/
Mike - Sadly, it's a pretty normal day for us as well.
Richard - These folks would be better served to just pull their house off the market and wait. No one is going to buy them in this condition anyway.
David - Thanks for the listing... but I think we saw that one already! :)
Mara - Nightmare is exactly the right word. At the end of the day I was ready to throttle a few agents.
Jon - Thanks for the flag, Jon. Hopefully your day will be more productive than this one was.
Kathy - I haven't seen that particular brand of air freshener, but if I do, I'm sure I'll pass right on by!
Mel - Doesn't that just sound disgusting? Ugh.
Don - haha... I think we've all been there at least once or twice.
Jason - Flag away buddy! First this disastrous slate of homes and then Sara abandons us. What's a fellow to do?
Sharon - Sorry to create such a glowing mental picture... Sometimes you just gotta laugh at these things.
Paul - Uh, no. I'm going to lock myself in my office Thursday and drink myself silly.
Mandy - It is beginning to get old, isn't it?
Scott - Sorry about your sides... I'll be more stoic next time. :)
Gary - I do realize folks still live in most of these houses, but do they have to live like this? Geez. The sad part is the agents have probably never had a conversation about how to present the house to the market so they really just don't know... and some of them really need to know.
Cameron - I'm thinking Daniel Craig (007) should play me but it will probably be Wilfred Brimley. haha
Elaine - I so agree. I might cry anyway.
Lori - It was an absolutely nutty day. No two ways about it.
Chad - The photo's are of some old buildings at a historic mine near Anchorage... they're actually more appealing than a couple of the houses we saw. :)
Margaret - A sense of humor and a bottle of scotch. Those two things will get you through just about anything. lol
Sharon - haha... you're too sweet. I took that photo in our front yard. All the credit goes to the model... she's adorable.
Colleen - We were shell shocked by the time the day was over. We'll find them the right house, even if I have to build it.
Elizabeth - Sure... laughing WITH me... I've heard that one before. haha :)
Linda - I've thought about mailing a copy of this to some sellers in Fairbanks to see if it would spur them to action.
Jon - You're doing about as bad as I did. Two out of six. Geez.
Cristal - It was definitely a day I'll never forget. Gotta laugh about the nutty days though, rigth?
Tony - Thanks Tony! Tomorrow is another day as they say.
Kelly - It was a total waste... for the sellers as well as us.
Elizabeth - The sad thing is some of the REO's look so much better than these properties. Priced above, but conditioned below an REO. Great way to sell a house, don't you think?
Sharon - Sounds good to me. At least I would know what I'm working with a pro!
Cynthia - Agreed... Maybe some of them did talk to their clients and the client didn't listen. If I were a betting man I would say that none of these sellers had a conversation about 'market ready' with their agents.
Tony & Darcy - We have a few... perhaps after several months on the market these folks will wise up.
Liz - Ugh, those dogs. My heavens... they were the biggest boxers I have ever seen. You could have put a saddle on them I think.
Paddy - I have no idea what they're thinking... I'm just about to the point of saying there ain't a whole lotta thinking going on. :)
Colleen - Heaven knows they could probably use some help.
Craig - A pretty sign and a little staging and we'll be good to go. haha
Debe - Nah, don't give up good 'ol NC. You would miss Charlotte!
Deb - It is frustrating isn't it? In this market 8% doesn't sound all that bad to me.
Anonymous - Let me know when you get to town... no doubt your dream home will still be on the market. :)
Lee & Pamela - Sure, they smoke on the deck. Do they think anyone really buys that? Problem is they've lived with it for so long they can't smell it anymore and their agent isn't telling them.
Thesa - It happened all in one day and I even left out two that were just mildly disgusting.
Lisa - It's laugh or cry and crying makes my mascara run, so ya know... that doesn't work. :)