You've been married so long that you've forgotten how to be single. Your t-shirts all have holes in them, you don't shave on the weekends, and you haven't consumed a "Diet" anything in years.
While your spouse may love you despite the fact that you have completely let yourself go, you are in for a rude awakening if you ever find yourself back on the market. Flaws are only endearing to loved ones, not strangers. Before you hit those nightspots, you'll need a new wardrobe with the latest fashions. You'll need to cut that hair and clean underneath those fingernails. Don't even get me started on the unibrow. You need to put your best face forward if you are to attract one of those cute, little minx.
But what about when it's your house that you are divorcing?
You look at your home, and you know that things just aren't working out. Either you have lost that loving feeling or it's simply time for a change. It may be amicable or there may be irreconcilable differences. Maybe you've always known that this house was only "Mr. Right Now." Regardless of the reasons for your split, it's time to move on. All of those things that you have lived with over the years? The creaky front door hinges? The balky A/C unit? The old, pale yellow linoleum that you originally detested, but grew to loathe? It's all gotta be gussied up.
Now you can't take every middle-aged home and turn it into a supermodel overnight, and that's okay. You don't necessarily have to be the best looking house on the planet, just the hottest little number in the club.
When you are elbow to elbow with competing properties, you don't want your fly to be down. That's not how you drag home a buyer of which your mother would approve. No, that's how you pick up that other kind of buyer. You know the type. Offers you a hundred thousand off of list price and demands umpteen thousand dollars to repair things that cost a couple hundred. That is one coyote ugly buyer. Keep such buck-toothed, cross-eyed suitors at bay by using the right bait.
Trolling for a trophy buyer? Change out those tired carpets, paint those grimy walls, oil those squeaks.
Fishing for carp? Throw a big wad of Velveeta around your hook and toss it out there.
We have all heard the reports about the overwhelming levels of housing inventory. Vastly more homes for sale than qualified buyers. It can be quite discouraging to a seller. I have been through a great many of these properties, however, and the poor showing condition many of them display never ceases to amaze me. There may be a glut of houses for sale, but in my own myopic view, there is a whole lotta rough for every diamond. If I had to speculate, and I will, I'd hazard that many sellers have either given up hope or refuse to spend any money that they don't expect to recoup in full.
Don't fall victim to this mindset. Now, more than ever, you need to get your home standing tall if you plan to sell it any time soon. I know that these are lean times, but if you can afford to carry a non-selling house for months on end, you can afford to stage it properly to expedite the process of finding a new beau. After all, the sooner you find the next Mr. or Mrs. Right for your home, the sooner you can stop writing those alimony checks.
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Paul Slaybaugh is your Scottsdale AZ Real Estate expert. A Scottsdale native, Paul has been playing matchmaker for house and buyer in Scottsdale, Phoenix and Paradise Valley since 1999. From McCormick Ranch to McDowell Mountain Ranch, and everything in between, call Paul Slaybaugh for all of your Scottsdale Real Estate needs.
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Scottsdale, Phoenix and Paradise Valley AZ Real Estate. A Slaybaugh family tradition since 1974! We haven't sold every home in the Valley, but we're working on it!
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Great opening line. It got me to read your blog.
Paul, you are absolutely correct. A home that sits on the market does cost us alot of time and money. It needs to be in its best possible condition inside and out to sell for top dollar.
Great blog . . . and I love the title too!!! It is hilarious, however very true about selling homes. There is so much inventory and if the home is not "standing tall" then Mr. and Mrs. Buyer will move on to the next one!!
Well you had us with the title and you kept us with the great and oh soooo funny blog. : )
Thanks for starting my day with a laugh, I will carry this smile around with me today!
Your title reminds me of the movie response "No, your fat makes you look fat!" Excellent post and suggestions...
Paul: What a great post! I guess it's time for home sellers to throw their houses on the treadmill and get it into shape. Very cute. More importantly, very true.
It's hard to play effective matchmaker without "freshening up" up your client! : ) Very cute way to put it!
Great analogy! This was light hearted approach to serious problems faced by many sellers. Thanks for an informative and entertaining post.
Hi Paul, A great little piece and very cleverly written. The title speaks volumes ( no pun intended). Your observations are also shared by many. I find it fascinating that people seek so much immediate gratification for clothing and technology all at the expense of the stage that they perform on. No good play happens on a dirty cluttered and unsightly stage. Anyone who has ever been in theater also knows that shortcuts are often taken as they will not be seen in the special lighting. But when the actors leave and the house lights are turned up, it can be a real eyesore.
And so it is in segments of our neighborhoods. Knowing that the new buyers may ultimately end up living the same way ( these sellers were also buyers first) one wonders through what sort of lenses they see life.
The best thing that has happened for the housing industry are the shows on Bravo and other cable channels that get people to thinking about how life in our homes could be and it is slowly changing the way people think about their homes.
I loved this piece and it would be a great mailer for prospecting for Sellers. I am sure they will see a little of themselves in it and know that if they hire you to represent them, it is not OK to be just ordinary. Many may feel the need to clean up and clean out the vestiges of very lazy living standards. At the very least they will better understand that you expect better of them and I will be bet that many will deliver.
Paul, love the analogy. I think it takes an objective eye to see the house, especially if you are a Realtor and listing your own home. Dressing a house up to make is shine is so incredibilly necessary in this market.
and THAT is why we call him Paul Freakin' Slaybaugh.
Joe: I'm not above suckering folks into reading with a snappy title. Glad it caught your attention.
Vickie: Very true. The right question to ask when prepping a home for the market is, "What else can I do to make my house show better?" rather than, "Will this hold up a sale?"
Andrew: And pluck the nose/ear hair, work on the tan ... but please don't break out the skin tight mesh t-shirts!
I am laughing my butt off right now! That was hilarious!
Sharon: Thank you. The plain Jane houses are just collecting dust right now. You need to stand out of you want to command anything other than a give away price.
Patty & Scott: Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.
Crystal: Smiling is a prerequisite in this business. Go get'em today!
Gary: I love that line. A pair of blue jeans is just a pair of blue jeans. It's what's stuffed into them ...
Chris: A treadmill and a little cosmetic surgery never hurt anybody! A nip here, a tuck there ;)
Deborah: Some houses just need a breath mint and a comb. Others need an exorcist. There is a buyer for both, but exorcist house attracts demon buyer.
Dan: Thank you, sir. The post was obviously meant to be fun, but mainly so that it helps make the point more digestible. If you want to sell, why handicap your efforts by bringing an inferior product to the market?
Clevery analogy and oh so true! It's easy to get comfortable and not notice the flaws. Of course I'm the exception as I have exactly.....none ;-)
Hi Paul :)
This is one of those "Oh, I get it!" reads for a seller. Good job! It is true that that extra oomph is going to put a house on the top of the list for buyers.
It also good to point out that taking care of the condition of one's
bodyhome along the way with regularworkoutsmaintenance makes a brighter future -- on the market or not!William: You always bring so much thought and effort with your comments, and for that I thank you. As much as we like to poke fun at some of the show that you mentioned, I think you are right that we owe a debt of gratitude to the shift in perception they have helped foster. Homeowners are much more open to the notion of staging a home for the market now. I just notice that many ignore what they know to be true, thinking that they're home is special enough to merit an exception to the rule. What such folks fail to realize is that buyers tend to focus on the flaws, not the features. You may have some great selling points in your home that potential buyers never see because they are hung up on damaged drywall or ugly countertops. You need to show them what you want them to see. That doesn't mean you necessarily have to start spending a fortune in stone and stainless steel applliances. You just have to eliminate the obvious flaws which mask the intrinsic beauty of the home.
Missy: Great point. A little brutal honesty from an outside perspective is vital in helping a seller seeing the home from a buyer's perspective. It's no time to take offense to such candor. It's tough love to help fetch the highest possible price.
Amanda Freakin' Hall: You know how I roll.
Melody: Laughing your butt off? You must be prepping for the market. I won't tell Mr. Botting. Or Darrell. :)
Colleen: As expected! My own dear wife has exactly one flaw: the nitwit whose ring she wears.
Elaine: A point worth making, thanks. A little preventative care can ward off a lot of invasive surgery later. Besides, who doesn't like passersby gawking at their lovely shutters?
Paul ~ Love the title, love the post! Great analogy with you as the "matchmaker". Yes, keep the mesh shirts and Saturday Nigh Fever suits put away, you just outdate the package! ; )
Paul - I enjoyed this analogy (of course - you and I share a brain). I won't try to top your cleverness with any of my own additions. Suffice it to say that this is excellent.
Love the post Paul. It's always good to read something that's funny and true. Unfortunately at this point, it would be a lot easier to prepare a house for the market than to prepare myself.
Kathy: No mesh, scout's honor.
Jason: Thank you, buddy.
Boney M: You and I both! It's a good thing the wife puts up with my nonsense, because the prospect is harrowing to say the least.
To whom it may concern, I hate the damn Spurs.
Excellent points all, Paul. Had a listing appointment this morning with an OSTRICH and had to have the same discussion with him. I really don't think he will list with me, but that is fine. OSTRICHES turn into ALBATROSSES if you are not careful! My $0,02, Steve
Steve: You could also say that turtles turn into turtle soup. Or that overpriced listings turn into career listings. Or that ... ah nevermind. I like yours best.
Dia Duit Paul,
I will have to put on my yellow skin tight flared cords with my disco belt of course when I go door knocking Monday. Might even pick up a trolop of a Listing. Great Post Paul.
Dia Duit Patrick,
I would list with you! Thanks for stopping by.
Paul, your writing gives me great laughs...I try to never let my sellers get caught with their fly down...
Hi Paul - great blog! Last week on HGTV there was program called the 25 Biggest Real Estate Mistakes - #1 was "Failing to showcase your home and make small cosmetic changes" - I go on a lot of home tours and I can't believe what home owners are not bothering to do - it blows my mind.
Stephanie
Paul.....Great opening line and analogy. Property is like bread, it doesn't have any shelf life.
Paul- I prefer to keep the curb appeal at its best whether on or off the market. When it comes time for a kitchen update
boobjob, master bath remodelbutt lift, or getting rid of those annoying weedsliposuction.I will set appointments with the contractorssurgeons. Lest Mr. Botting forget one of the many reasons he purposed.Boy, I miss a day and look what I missed! This is terrific, Paul and needs a place in your pre-listing package for all sellers. It will give them a taste of your personality AND the advice they sorely need to get their home ready to sell. Well done!
Now that you mentioned it your Backyard does look a little bit big in those jeans but those jeans are from the market of the past.
Jeremy: Spoken like a true wingman. No agent worth his/her salt lets a seller leave the restroom with tp stuck to their shoe.
Stephanie: It really is amazing. Not simply the lack of upgrading and designer home staging, as some folks just don't have the means for such things, but the neglect and disdain for a property is apparent in many homes for sale. Why not just put a "kick me" sign on the front door. Buyers will either walk on by or produce a deplorably low offer when they sense such indifference.
Pam: That's another simile to add to the book. I think we might set the record for bad Real Estate analogies on this thread. Somebody call Guiness!
Melody: Of course I never expected otherwise. A very wise decision on your part. Bringing it back takes twice as long as letting it go. Just ask my increasing insulation.
Hi Lisa :) As always, you are far too kind. Good to see you back in the Rain, and stop making me blush.
Cameron: I knew I could count on my friends for an honest evaluation. Need self affirmation? Call Dr. Phil. Need brutal honesty? Call a bunch of Realtors.
Absolutely hilarious... and creative. Sellers don't always realize when their backyard is looking a little large and their sofa is way too dated... Home staging is like having your stomach stapled (I think)... expensive but quick and rapid results.
Ginger: Good to see you. Very astute comparison. If they have not been diligent about keeping the pounds away over the years, a little corrective surgery just might be required.
Hi Paul - what an interesting analogy - it works! And you have some great tips in here for sellers to pay heed to. Using this analogy will certainly catch their attention - it did mine!
I like Andrew's suggestion about shaving your back hair ----- eew!
Ann
Andrew and Ann,
This one's for you....
The mangroomer
Sorry, saw it in the BB&B ad and then read this blog and had to throw it out there!
Great one, Paul! I've done the opposite and told guy friends that getting ready to date is like staging a home, gotta get the curb appeal going on first. But hadn't thought about reversing that. good job!
Paul, you always have such a fun way of getting your point across. You are a great writer!
Paul, Great post and funny too. What an excellent analogy between the two. Awesome. I'll have to use a bit of that on my next expired listing.
A wonderful analogy of selling a home to getting a divorce. I'll bet 50% of the people who read this can relate!!
Kudos to be ing featured in week in review.
Doggone it! I hate it when I miss the good stuff. Of course, you know that I'm loving this post Mr. Paul. Although I refuse to participate in the posts which bring up photos of really weird stuff seen on MLS I must say that I've seen real life and photographed houses which make me just shake my head and wonder if there is any hope at all for selling some properties. Oh yeah -- price is KING. That is - if you don't mind KING being a cheapskate.
Paul: Thank you for this great post. Of course, I heartily agree with everything you have said. I tell my clients that when they put their home on the market, they are entering it in a beauty pagent. The best looking homes sell faster and for a better price. It is that simple. Thank you again.
I love this post, so funny and true. Your closing paragraph sums it up perfectly.
Paul, this is so-o-o cute! I would love to have it on our group's board: The Optimist!
Great analogy! I enjoyed reading your post.
I do have to disagree with the not shaving for the weekend and the holes in the shirt, that can make a guy hot merchandise in LA.