This evening, when you say your prayers, say one for Sarah's car. It has a one in fifty-seven chance of wearing Odocoileus virginianus on the hood, a door or any of four fenders. That's pretty good odds! Not good for the deer or for Sarah--just good odds.
I heard on the radio that West Virginia leads the nation in collisions between large mammals of and automobiles. I was thinking of retiring there. Now I'm glad I moved to Arizona.
Not every collision results in roadkill. Take a look at that mule, for instance. The pickup truck fared worse than he did. But I got to thinking about all the roadkill I've encountered in four decades of driving, and I knew Sarah Cooper would be a good draw. (After four months of reading your Hurricane Blog, Sarah, I can't think of West Virginia without immediately thinking of you. This blogging stuff gets in your head, doesn't it?)
Roadkill, of course, isn't confined to West Virginia. Most of it doesn't even get our attention. County highway crews will paint over roadkill. "Not my job!" is what you'll hear over the hiss of the spray paint truck. Take a look on Flickr (that's where most of these photos came from, to their credit.) Okay, don't do that. Stay right here. 
Most of the stuff is gross. Some of it's sort of funny, if your sense of humor is a little warped. When you're driving to your next listing appointment, keep your eyes peeled for stuff that has "passed on."
I tie flys. If you're a fly fisherman, you'll understand the story I'm about to tell you. I was walking a three mile route through the neighborhood. As I rounded the corner, there was a squirrel, dead as a doornail, laying in the road. The little guy was still warm, and there was hardly a scratch on him. I think the car came so close that he had a heart attack or something. I picked him up by his hind feet and continued walking. (Squirrel tail makes wonderful fly tying material.)
I'm 6'3", 250 pounds, and I must have made quite a sight walking along, arms swinging, and that little squirrel hanging down and swinging right along. At the next intersection, maybe 200' away, a car came slowly to a stop. The driver looked at me as I approached. I didn't think I was close enough for him to see the squirrel clearly, but he saw it. Halfway out into the intersection, he stopped and just stared at me.
It must have taken me a good minute to close the distance between us. I was going to have to go right past him. As I walked along, he never took his eyes off me, and that car of his didn't move an inch. I knew he was going to say something. What that might be, I couldn't guess, but from the look of disapproval on his face, I expected it might be confrontational.
Sure enough, as I got within ten feet, he bellowed: "What the x@?!# do you think you're doing?" "What does it look like I'm doing?" I replied. "I'm walking my squirrel."
I was in my thirties before I found out that armadillos aren't born deadon the side of the road. It was only last year, though, at the mature age of 58, that I learned how most of these armadillo tragedies come about. They're alcohol related. Seeing is believing!
Keep the shiny side up while you're driving to those real estate appointments, and don't forget to say a prayer for Sarah Cooper's car out there in West Virginia.
Mike in Tucson,
REALTOR®/Mortgage Lender
I show up ON TIME. I do WHAT I SAY I'm going to do. I FINISH what I start. If I mess up, I 'FESS UP & I fix it. In the mortgage business, these 4 things are why you'll want to do business with me.
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Do you happen to listed to NPR? There was a very good reading from a book about two brothers and their armadillo. I think it was on Fresh Air.
MIKE.....
So no roadkill in Zoney land? that was pretty damn funny......are you drinkin?
Sarah, I do listen to NPR's Fresh Air from time to time. I'll have to check it out on their website. Thanks for commenting.
Bill, we do have roadkill here in 'Zona. No, I'm not drinking; my sense of humor is always this warped.
Mike in Tucson
Mike - this is so hilarious and so clever too! I about died with your response back to the curious driver! OMG!! You are one great writer and certainly bring a story to life and leaving us wanting more! Great connection to Lil Sarah too. Clever, Clever, Clever!!
Candace, you're up late! Thanks for visiting and commenting.
Mike in Tucson
One of my all time favorite songs is, "Dead skunk in the middle of the road." I start singing every time I get a whiff of one.
LOL!!! You got my attention, Mike!! LOVE your comeback to that driver!!
I have been a little more paranoid about deer than usual. I already knew we have about the highest car insurance rates in the country because of the deer -- I just didn't know we were the most likely to hit one, or just how high the risk was!! Bambi's out to get me.
Thanks for the laughs! :o)
Mike, you are TOO funny! Here in Texas we call armadillos that are sleeping on the side of the road "Armadillo on the Half-Shell. I love your graphics!
I never thought I would see in a post someone talk about armadillos and Sarah Cooper.
Thanks!
Mike, once I was driving up in northern Wisconsin and a pig ran out of the woods in front of my car! I hit the brakes, but the pig did bump off the front of the vehicle and run off into the woods. I was worried that I had mortally injured this poor farm animal. Anyway, when I got back to my office, the phone rang and this lady was on the other end, yelling me about hitting her pig with my car. I asked her how she figured out it was me and she replied, "the pig squealed".
:)
Very clever post Mike. In Florida we call roadkill....dinner!!!
Actually, whenever I see a dead animal, I say a prayer for it's soul - we are all part of the same system -
Broker Bryant, I knew you had a taste for roadkill; here's a recipe you may want to add to your collection!
Eric, Wisconsin is number 3 in the nation, with a 1 in 100 chance of meeting Bambi in the next 12 months.
Matthew, wonders never cease!
Li'l Sarah, thanks for stopping by to sit and visit! Together with your Dad and Mom, you three have provided me with some of the best reading I've had in a long time!
Rosario, I have to Google that one; Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road is new to my musical repertoire.
Mike in Tucson
OMG! I didn't know you attended that barbecue! What happened at that barbecue stays at that barbecue!! LOL
I'll have to be more careful of my behavior from now on!!
Bill & Barbara Jo, you're in good company. "English theologian Joseph Butler (1692-1752), a contemporary of John Wesley's, was born in a Presbyterian family, joined the Church of England, and eventually became a bishop and dean of St. Paul's. In his 1736 work, The Analogy of Religion, Bishop Butler became one of the first clergymen to teach the immortality of animal souls." Vasu Murti, Animal Rights and Vegetarianism in the Western Religious Traditions Thanks, as always, for commenting.
Mike in Tucson
Mike: Another genius post... who would have guessed this subject?!!! Brilliant! Have you received any offers from NPR yet? lol.
Richard,
Who do you know at NPR? I'd love a chance to be interviewed! Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
Mike in Tucson
What? You mean Armadillos are living creatures? You've got to be kidding.
What's worrying me is that you have so many photos of road kill? Are you OK, buddy?
By the way, thanks for commeting on The Law of Attraction VS Christianity
Dan, you're very welcome. My wife asked the same thing when she saw me sifting through a few hundred photos on Flikr. "Are you okay?"
Thanks for putting a link back to your post. It's worth having this dialog.
Mike in Tucson
Hi Mike,
Thanks for the morning chuckle. I saw a roadkill chef on Good Morning America awhile back----interesting and but I did not write down any of the recipes. LOL.
Cynthia,
See, that's why I do the hard work for you, gathering the recipes while you collect commissions! LOL
Mike in Tucson
Oh my word mike, These photos are so sad. I STOP for Chipmunks!
The photos are courtesy of Wikipedia and Flikr.
I brake for desert tortises out here in Tucson.
Most of the roadkill goes to good use. (Besides feeding Broker Bryant's family in Florida.)
Mike in Tucson
since I thought this was a recipe sharing blog . here is one to wet your appetite.
BBQ Squirrel
1st. Take as many squirrels as you would like add salt and pepper. 2nd. Put squirrels on grill, bbq whatever let cook for a while, then add some liquid smoke or soy sauce on top and around squirrels. 3rd. When the squirrels are almost done cooking smear BBQ sauce all over the squirrels and let cook until done...( you can use any BBQ sauce you would like or you can try my very own recipe) located at below
BBQ SAUCE FOR SQUIRREL
1 cup brown sugar
2 1/2 cup ketchup
3/4 cup mustard
3/4 cup liquid smoke or worcestershire sauce
( you can add as much or as little sugar as you want)
by Kelly
LOL! Pattie, may we substitute chipmunks?
MJ in Tucson
This post was too cute. thanks for making this workaholic realestate agent laugh a little tonight.
Mike - Too funny. I used to tie flies. Funny how even road kill becomes a valuable commodity. My brother-in-law got his degree in Wildlife Biology. While at Humboldt State, he had an assignment of reconstructing a skeleton of any animal of his choosing. Not wanting to shorten the life of anything, he went looking for...you guessed it...road kill. He finished the assignment, graduated and worked for the Bureau of Land Management for over 30 years. What a fun post!
Very clever. I am in Texas and just like Linda we see a lot of armadillos...on the side of the road!
Pattie, thanks for showing up and commenting! What's moving in 'Hawkin?
Jeff, I hope you kept the good parts.
Marlene, what was the animal of his choosing? I'm thinking it was a racoon. Didn't figure you for a fly fisherman; you're a woman of many talents.
Maribeth, I haven't seen you for awhile. Who knew armadillos existed anywhere but the side of the road?
Mike in Tucson
Funny Mike, Funny :) :) Yep I will be watching for a tall guy walking a squirrel for now on...which of course could be more dangerous than Bambi. :) :)
My legacy: Forever associated with roadkill in the mind of Pattie Romano in Manahawkin! There's a thought!
Kathy, thanks for visiting and commenting!
Mike in Tucson
Funny, Mike. Those little dead armadilloes crack me up.
We just about got hit today driving around...Bow season on deer has opened here.
Mike, This post is too funny! Jimmy (from Mississippi) will love this one. I'll be watching for his comments.
I'm in South Central Texas -- lots of dead deer, armadillos, possum and racoons can be found on the side of the road -- sometimes in the middle of the road. A few months ago, I saw a poor donkey dead on the side of the road. I bet that car or truck had a lot of damage!!!