Divorce often necessitates the sale of family homes. Selling your Long Beach Homes does not have to become a damaging event in your lives. Couples coming to terms with the loss of love, past memories, dealing with the present and trying to plan for the future, need to maintain a level head throughout this process; not always an easy task. Well intentioned friends and relatives are offering you advice on your divorce, your children, your careers, the sale of your home, your future; all adding to the overwhelming stress you are already experiencing. It has been my experience that this is best handled when realistic boundaries are set at the beginning of the process.
Over the years many of my clients have become cherished friends. In a divorce situation it is difficult, when you like both parties, to stay neutral, but is absolutely necessary. Over time I have developed what I now refer to as my Switzerland speech. It has proven to be very effective and goes something like this:
"As your Realtor® it is my job to market and sell your Long Beach Home. This is best accomplished if you both agree to view me as Switzerland. While I am not insensitive to what is going on in your lives, it is best if you both exclude me from your conversations regarding the divorce issues that do not apply to the sale. Over the course of this transaction you will both be called upon to make joint decisions, we need to agree that when we speak on the phone, you come to my office or when I come to your home, we keep the conversation limited to the business of selling your home. It would be most unfortunate if either of you thought that I was biased toward the other, I certainly do not want either of you to think that. Can we all agree on this?"
Recently I read an article on couples seeking kinder, gentler divorces. An approach many couples are now embracing called "Collaborative Divorce", which has been endorsed by the American Bar Association as part of a broader quest to find more civilized and efficient ways to end a marriage. Thousands of attorneys are realizing how damaging the adversarial process is to their clients, are embracing this new method of divorce and are seeking training in collaborative law. Other couples are turning to mediation as a viable alternative to messy, expensive and damaging processes.
Mediation and Collaborative divorces are much more economical and confidential. Boston Law Collaborative analyzed 199 of its recent divorce cases and found that mediation, collaborative divorce and litigation all produced high rates of successful settlement. Mediation was by far the least expensive option, with a median cost of $6,600, compared to $19,723 for a collaborative divorce, $26,830 for settlements negotiated by rival lawyers, and $77,746 for full-scale litigation.
If you are interested in reading the full article it can be found here. It is a very good read, I highly recommend it.
| Laurie MannyLong Beach Realtor (562) 212-5420 |
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Main Street Realtors Belmont Heights 244 Redondo Avenue Long Beach California 90803 |
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I really like the idea of being thought of as Switzerland.
Although I am a real estate broker sometimes I have felt like a counselor. Sometimes it gets a little uncomfortable getting in the middle of these types of situations.
Laurie - I love your approach to this matter, A divorce situation alway made me uncomfortable , if I am faced with such a situation I hope you won't mind me using your approach. Setting the ground rules up front is the key.
Divorce is a big thing in FL...many of my past clients have sold due to this...it is probably the number one reason other than foreclosure.
Oooooo, these cases can get ugly. Since I represent buyers, it's not usually a problem for us. However, when we see a house that has no dining room furniture, clothes for only one gender in the closet and two names in the tax records, well. . . . . .
It behooves the parties to keep calm and not let the divorce matter control the sale of their property because it will cost them dearly.
Hi Laurie - I LOVE your analogy of Switzerland, and how perfect for those types of situations. It's interesting to read that the attornies are now recognizing their role in some of these situations, and that they're working to find better ways to deal with opposing sides in divorces. That's great news in and of itself!
I was involved in a couple divorce situations earlier this year. I'd sold both of these couples their homes, and was listing them for them. I had to remind each of them several times that they were BOTH my clients, that I was not going to pick sides because I enjoyed both of them and liked them both very much.
We do walk a fine line many times with all the different roles we play. But "Switzerland" is what I'm going to talk about in the future in these situations. Thanks for that language!
Ann
Kinder and gentler are the operative words. If only the parties involved remembered the good instead of the ugly it might be easier to remain Switzerland.
I can't tell you how many times I've had to be the middle man between divorcing sellers. Like Ann said, it's as if they want you to pick sides. Nut fun at all!
Mediation is always best, divorce is nasty but if the 2 can work it out it saves them a boat load of money. Merry Christmas, Laurie.
Hi Laurie, I am about to put on property for a couple getting a divorce. They own in several communities and so we are starting with the first one in the new year and then on from there. They are doing well through this. They are still friends. It is tougher went money is tight. I have friend who is going through mediation and that is better for the pocketbook. Enjoy your posts. Love where you live. Merry Christmas & Healthy Prosperous New Year 2008.
Laurie, I know of which you speak..I went through an ugly, three-year divorce and we went through 4 Realtors because no one, even his own mother's best friends, wanted to represent him. That's when I got in to real estate. It is critical that the Realtor plays the role of Switzerland, that is for sure. Ugh, bad memories. But, on a happier note, thank you for all of your help this year and have a wonderful holiday season and 2008!
Laurie - Being in the middle of a complicated divorce is never easy. This would actually make a great Real Estate continuing education class. You eloquently stated that you should be a middle man and not take sides. Taking a side is where an agent can complicate things for themselves.
Sal, I do also.
Jay, Being uncomfortable in a few transactions is how the Switzerland speech came to be. It takes an effort to stay out of the middle, gently reminding the parties about Switzerland seems to work. I believe it is because of the verbal agreement that is made, up front. It seems to works.
Jennifer, Yes, setting the ground rules up front is key. I deal with many divorces, this became necessary.
Neal, Many of my clients are facing divorce. Divorce often makes the sale of property necessary. It is always best to have a handle on the situation.
Lenn, Yes keeping calm and not letting the divorce control the situation are key to a successful sale. Yes divorce sales can get very ugly. Setting boundaries and having all parties agree to a neutral zone has worked wonderfully for me. The Switzerland speech occurs at the listing appointment before the contracts are signed. It is important to me that both parties agree to these terms and understand how important this is to the sale of their home.
Ann, That article really hit home. I was very pleased to see attornies stepping up to the plate to soothe an age old problem. It is good to know that they are taking pride in their profession and care about the outcome. It is difficult when we like both parties and they are tugging at us. There has to be a neutral zone. I want to be the neutral zone.
Renee, Kinder and gentler are the operative words and they are very appropriate. Divorce has been very damaging to all parties for too long and is an awful experience, anything that helps to make it go smoother is helpful. It is not that difficult to remain Switzerland actually. Once you, as their Realtor of choice, discuss the Switzerland principle with them it becomes part of the transaction. You have not only helped to set boundaries for them, you have explained that you have your boundaries as well. It has proven to be very effective for me.
Monika, No, it is not fun at all. We Realtors handle a lot of divorces, it makes the sale of property necessary most of the time. Picking sides is a recipe for disaster and happens in most of these sales, everybody wants to feel as if their interests are being protected. Being a neutral zone is good.
Missy, You are right, if they can work it out, they can save themselves a boatload of money in many cases. Merry Christmas to you as well.
Pat, It sounds like your clients are handling their divorce rather well, that is really good. Thank you and Happy Holidays to you as well.
Diane, You and your ex sound like you were every Realtor's nightmare, sorry that happened to you. You, more than anybody else understand why the Switzerland speech came to be. It was my pleasure to help, drop me a line, let me know how it is working out. Happy Holidays.
Bill, Taking sides will absolutely complicate an already difficult situation. That usually doesn't stop either party from trying, the speech does. This subject probably would make a continuing ed class-yes it would. A little sensitivity training wouldn't hurt either along with it.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.
Thank you for an interesting post Laurie. And a BIG THANK YOU for helping me with my SEO
Jessica, You are working on a divorce post? Dontcha just love the Switzerland approach? Sure go ahead and use it, use anything that works. Merry Christmas to you as well. You are quite welcome. Oh, BTW, I didn't ignore your BlogLog question, I took a look before getting back to you and it seemed that you had already resolved it.
Jill, T'was my pleasure. Merry Christmas.
Hi Laurie - I thought this post had such great info in it about the importance of staying neutral that I included it in this week's Week in Review. I LOVE the "Switzerland" wording.....
Thanks for the mention in the WIR Ann.
Laurie, just stopping by to wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!! My very best wishes to you my friend!
Wow, Laurie - Switzerland has really grown in stature with your post. We'll all be calling ourselves Switzerland in those situations.
Great speech, I had one where I actually had to have two different sets of forms, neither party even wanted to see the others signature. They were both very nice to me, but we had to have two different closing, with two different sets of docs! It was a very weird experience that I think you speech might have helped.
Irina, Thank you and Merry Christmas to you too my friend.
Sharon, It is good to be Switzerland.
Todd, That sounds like a lulu of a transaction! I find that the Switzerland speech works best when given at the listing presentation, before the contracts are even signed. I wan't that agreement stated out loud by all parties. I have not had a problem since I have implemented it. I think that if I waited for the problems to begin and then gave the speech, it probably would not be as effective.