When The Pile Of Presents Are Higher Than The Tree - You've Probably Lost Your Holiday Balance

Today, I finally figured out just how much is enough. It started out pretty much like most days with a bustle of activity. Then, it was time to do what I felt what I’d cleared most of my schedule to do. I headed for the Antonucci’s Italian Restaurant in Mission Viejo. They loaded my car with the deep trays of Lasagna and Rigatoni, tossed salads and fresh garlic bread. They were kind enough to donate this feast to feed the volunteers I was on my way to join.

As I headed South on the 5 freeway, I began seeing the normal sights of the Pacific Ocean and bluish green Chapparral growing along the road to my right. What was unfamiliar was the scorched hillsides to my left. Spots of plants remained, but most was charred and the ash left a grey stain on the earth that is usually alive with color. I made the transition onto the 78 freeway and headed inland, then onto the 15 freeway toward Rancho Bernardo. As I got off at the exit on Rancho Bernardo Road, the scene looked like something out of a sci-fi movie. The lake ahead of me looked grey. The hills to the left of me were scorched and the smell of smoke lingered in the air. A few more blocks and I was finally there. In the parking lot of a senior living center, the 45-50 volunteers buzzed about performing the jobs they’d been assigned. They were working in the open air, with a few pop-up awnings for shelter. I dropped off the food at the “mess tent” and walked over to the check-in area. I was assigned the job of sorting through clothing that had been donated for the victims of the Rancho Bernardo fire. In a little while, they gave me another assignment as well. My second job was personal shopper. As the people arrived, they were interviewed briefly and checked in by one of the coordinators. They were then turned over to the personal shoppers. We were briefly introduced and it was the shopper’s job to grab a shopping cart and some bags and then guide the visitors through the maze of tables and awnings where they were invited to take as much as they needed or wanted. Then we’d take them to their cars and help them load it. Sounds pretty simple doesn’t it?

As I helped each person or group shop for essentials like soap, water, toothpaste, toiletries, diapers (adult and children’s), clothing, household items, food, pet supplies…oh the generosity and amazing abundance of necessities people and businesses contributed!...As I helped people shop, they’d begin to relax and tell their stories.

Irina is a beautiful 40 year old Russian lady whose home burned to the ground. She was hesitant about putting anything into her cart. I encouraged her by thanking her for being there. I told her that it is so much easier to give than to receive and how much the people who had given all these things needed her to be willing to receive in order to enjoy the blessing of giving. We hugged briefly and then began filling her cart. As we shopped, she began to tell me her story. She has no family in the United States. Her parents live in Russia. They are 66 and 71. She hasn’t told them what has happened for fear of the consequences to their health. She said, “you see, in Russia it isn’t like here. In Russia if this happened to us, we would be living on a street corner. There would be no hope of regaining what we’ve lost. We would never be whole again.” She and I agreed it will be best to tell her parents about her new home that they’ll be start rebuilding soon. We agreed that as overwhelming this whole nightmare was and continues to be that what is truly important remains…their family is intact…they have survived...they are safe.

Another woman came with her elderly mother who had obvious difficulty walking. Their home had received smoke damage. They began piling things into their cart frantically. Soon, we had to get another cart. I felt a bit uneasy seeing how much they were taking and thinking about the last lady who had lost everything and was sensitive to be certain she didn’t take too much and wanted to make sure there was enough for others. After spending about 45 minutes with them, the mom went over to look at some clothes and the daughter who’d said little to me before then began speaking as though she was reading me a story. She told me how her husband had been out of town that Sunday evening when the embers ignited the hills behind her home. She calmly packed some things for herself, her 7 year old daughter, her elderly mother and her 12 year old son who has Cerebral Palsy. She alone was responsible for all of their safety. I began to realize what this woman was doing by gathering all these things. It was her attempt to regain control. She said they received no reverse 911 call as many in the area have reported receiving. She awoke on Monday morning to the sound of horns honking. She opened her garage door and when she looked out to the street all she could see was a stream of cars, horns honking, and the flames in the background. She went to the back of her house and the hillside was ablaze. She said this experience has changed her forever. She says that now when she sees the morning marine layer of fog that is so common near the California coast, her heart leaps and she fears it’s the smoke again.

My feet ache from hours of walking on pavement. My back hurts from lifting cases of water. My head is throbbing from breathing the smell of smoke. And still, my eyes swell with tears as I recall the blessing of being there today. I realize that the most important thing I accomplished today was to allow two women to tell me their stories. To give them the opportunities to tell it to one more person and in the process allow the reality to sink in a little more. The tangible goods we were offering today ministered to their physical needs, our presence and willingness to listen ministered to the hearts, minds, and souls. So what does this have to do with balance during the holidays? The key to having balance is working enough so you can afford to take a day or two to be there for someone else when they need you. When you get to the end of your life, will you really want more stuff or more time with the people you care about?

Today I learned how much is enough. So often we strive for enormous wealth. Today, I was the wealthiest woman on earth because I was reminded what is really important in life. Things can be replaced. People and the relationships we build are the treasures we must work to amass…it’s not about the money or the things. As we move into the holidays, it’s easy to get pulled in too many directions and lose focus. In order to maintain balance, we must focus on what’s important. If it doesn’t fit into the primary focus, then it’s just not a priority. This year, I’m going to be looking for ways to show the people in my life how much I care. Not by spending big bucks and buying extravagant gifts…it’s not about the stuff…I’ll be looking for creative ways to show how important they are to me.

I took a few photos today that I hope will capture the spirit of giving that we all experienced today. Enjoy the slideshow.