For some owners it’s easy, for others it’s tantamount to exorcism.(LAKE TAHOE REAL ESTATE BLOG) Taking both emotion and ego out of the sale of a house is the difference between a quick sale for more money, or a long drawn out sale that gets less.
We all have a tendency to become attached to things that are ours, and particularly so for a place of family experiences and fond memories.
So it’s most understandable that a homeowner most often thinks that their home is worth more than a prospective buyer does.
All of us place more value on things that are important to us. Emotion leads us there. As it relates to a house however, our emotions are just that, ours. And though of utmost importance to us, our thoughts and emotions have no real monetary value to anyone else but us. In other words, our emotions have no place in the marketplace.
Apart from our emotions, our house is just that too, a house. A roof, walls, and a floor in basic terms. It’s us that makes a house a home. It’s us that makes it special.
Though fond family memories certainly do occur in a house, they are not confined to it. Our emotions stay with us no matter where we are or go. Letting go of a house is not letting go of our memories.
I will always treasure the great house where we grew up. This was our extended family home, a gathering place, a big one, a special one, the one where four generations of our family shared life and happy times together until I was almost ten years old. When there, so were our great grandparents, our grand parents and our parents. This is where my first memories are. I had every possible attachment in the world to it.
The house is long gone now. In fact it’s a parking lot next to a church, as it has been for the last 42 years. When back in my home town, from time to time I go back to that parking lot. I like to sit there and think. Recollect. Remember. Savor. I look at the magnolia tree that still stands there, the one my mother’s mother planted way back when.
To another that magnolia tree is just a magnolia tree. That’s all it is. To me though, through my fond memory filter, it’s so much more than that. I remember it at its beginning. When it was young. I grew up with that tree; it’s a stand-tall life affirmation given birth from a loving hand.
And as much as that tree might be worth to me, it’s not worth more than most any other magnolia tree to someone else.
It’s not remembering the house, or the tree, that’s so special, so heart warming, though. It’s the people I remember who are. It’s them, not the house or thing, where our emotions attach.
As much as I identified that first house with family, there is another one, the one my grandmother built more than 50 years ago. My parents live there now, as they have for over 35 years. During that time it has become as special as the first house was. It has long been our family home. Sooner or later though, and I don’t want to think about it, this house too will be gone.
But the home that lives in our heart will never be gone. That's mythic, not tangible. Our memories will never be compromised by a sale, demolition, asphalt or time. In other words, we don’t need to cling to a house, or overprice it, to safe keep our emotions.
How to take Emotion out of the value equation :
Removing emotion out of a house is not easy for any of us. It just takes willingness, which is the hard part. It comes with a tough mental resolve to be objective. (It only takes an exorcist in the most extreme cases.)
After willingness it takes a little effort to gather all of the market data, which then should produce a desire to avoid the meaningful costs involved when emotion is not overruled. This comes with acceptance that properly pricing a home for sale results in getting more in a shorter period of time (see study of how right pricing gets more here, and what we mean by all of the data here).
In Summary:
1. Recognize that our emotions about our house have no monetary value to anyone else.
2. Accept that misplaced emotion costs both time and money.
3. Resolve to be objective.
4. Accept current market reality when pricing a house (i.e. price it to sell now, not what it might have been years ago.)
EGO :
Perhaps what contributes even more than emotion in over pricing a house is ego.
Sometimes trying to get more for something than its worth is considered greed. That’s not our take on things however. We don’t believe people are by nature greedy. We look at it from another perspective. We believe greed, as the word is normally used, is a subset of ego. Lets make that excessive ego, one that operates beyond reality.
The nature of ego is self centered. Well, that’s what it is; ego is self. Most of the time it’s healthy, in check. But when our self center is out of balance, it’s been my experience that we make poor decisions, become inflexible, opinionated, and often rigid beyond reason. It also has a tendency of running other people away.
So ego out of control is arrogance, there’s no wonder there. When it comes to over valuing something, isn’t it arrogance that paves the way?
It’s never a good thing when excessive ego appears in the mix to sell a house. It always results in a home being over priced, and particularly in a buyers market like ours in South Lake Tahoe; it wastes real time and costs real money every time it does.
We often refer to excessive EGO as E dging G ood O ut.
When discussing the value of a house, here’s a few things one hears that suggest excessive ego may be about to introduce itself into the mix:
How to take Ego out of the value equation :
Remember that selling a house is not a contest. It is not a testament to who’s smarter, who’s the best businessman, the best financial investor, or who can make more money than another. Selling a house doesn’t prove anything to anybody else that’s not involved in the sale.
Selling a house is about getting on with one’s family plan. That’s what’s most important of all. With that as the priority, the goal is then to get the most out of the market that the market will allow... within the time frame of the family plan.
We don’t mean to be simplistic about the check and balance of ego, Lord knows ours needs trimming from time to time. But it is really simple when pricing a house. Anything more than market reality is ego. Plain and simple.
To make sure excessive ego is out of the mix, a home need be priced within the reasonable range based on current market conditions. To do that, you must have all of the numbers, and then discuss them within the context of your family plan with an agent you trust... who knows the market cold. Here’s an example of what we mean by all of the numbers.
We also post about market reality on this blog all of the time as well. If you don’t already have an agent you trust, and/or if you’d like us to gather all of the numbers for you, please call or email us.
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Hey you got featured before anyone commented!
Another excellent post from you guys, as usual.
"Selling a house is about getting on with one’s family plan. That’s what’s most important of all. With that as the priority, the goal is then to get the most out of the market that the market will allow... within the time frame of the family plan."
This says it all right there!! I love the story of your special houses and I love the phrase you coined " the home that lives in our heart will never be gone."
What a very very excellent article!! Navy families have a saying too "Home is where the Navy sends you". That always puts things into perspective too :)
Hi Gary, Notice that "... that suggest excessive ego" all start with " I ". Guess we have all heard them come up in many of our listing presentations. They signal a basic unreadiness on the part of the seller to accept the realities of the market !
Hi u 2,
Great post.. Well said. WE should try to put these words in the head of some homeowners.
What do you think?
Thank you for you great post again.
Sharona
"Though fond family memories certainly do occur in a house, they are not confined to it. Our emotions stay with us no matter where we are or go. Letting go of a house is not letting go of our memories." - what a wisdom in your words! I do sell a lot of expireds and it's really surprising how often emotianal attachment is the biggest issue for sellers. Thanks for a great post!
It is certainly an experience for buyers and sellers frought with lots of emotion. There are so many things going on for both sides. It is important to understand those dynamics to make a transaction work more smoothly.
Ahh.......emotion, ego and pricing. Not a good combination at all. Once folks have decided to sell their home it becomes a house and a commodity and needs to be treated as such. BUT......if you're selling this one it means you'll soon have another house to move your home into. So that's a good thing!!!
Always enjoy your posts. Thanks for putting together another good one.
Good post. Nice bit of info here...a worthy read!
Great insight on how to take your ego and emotion out of the sale of the house. Sometimes some agents need to do that too.
HI GARY!
AWESOME POST! This is one that I'll bookmard for future use. You really make it clear for a seller to understand. It's difficult for some, but if you help them to understand in the way you have written this post, VOILA!
Thanks for shaing!
Right on Russ - and from time to time we're one of those too. wish we weren't.
Yvette - thanks much, glad it might be helpful to you.
Team DiMuria - thanks for taking your time on us. much appreciated.
Bob & Carolin - Always good to hear from you two. Thanks for the kind encouragement.
Joan - does get kinda tricky, doesn't it?
Svetlana - that's very nice. it is rather simple when you think about it, huh?
Sharona - Buyers too. Egoectomy's for all!
Bill - we always hate it when ours gets out of control, which happens to me most, not my brother.
Jo - we're army brats, and it's the same thing. home is where "we" are, no place else.
Melina - it was rather quick, wasn't it? thanks for taking the time to comment.
Whole lot easier said that done. Most sellers feel like their house is "special" because it's theirs and not much other reason.
Whole lot easier said that done. Most sellers feel like their house is "special" because it's theirs and not much other reason.
It really is so much more than a "numbers" game in the big picture.
This blog should be required reading for all sellers. It would save everyone a lot of wasted time, money, and emotion. Thank you!
Preach it, brother! Couldn't have said it better (though I've tried at times). Great post....
It is still hard until they find where they are going it is hard to let go.
This was excellent, Gary, as your writing always is. This is something all sellers need to read (agents too) adn keep in mind. So easy to say, though, and harder to do, especially for folks selling their first home, or one they have lived in for many years. I would recommend someone read it repeatedly during their sale to keep things all in perspective.
Jeff
Good work, Gary. I especially agree with what you said at "Anything more than market is EGO." Let's keep this in mind all the time both from buyer and seller standpoint.
Harrison K. Long, Explore Properties Group
This is a great study in human nature! You really looked into the soul of a seller and summed it up! We all fight these issues. I'm a stager and know it would be tough to sell my own home. There's so much of "us" in it. But I tell sellers all the time, "de-personalize, de-clutter (take down your treasures), and clear it out!" I know how hard it is for people.
But you are so right that ego & emotions keep many houses over-priced and on the market way too long. We've been on both sides of the issue and can relate!
Debbie Fiskum, Perfect Transformations, Home Staging & Decorating in Denver www.ptstaging.com
Great points.. Ego has definately cost me alot of refy's. When trying to pull some equity out of a clients home to do repairs or whatever.. but they want as much as possible out. I ask them how much they think it is worth, and they give me a figure. I say "how did you come up with that figure?
Oh the house down by the lake sold for that much. Then after investigating you find out that the house down by the lake has 40 feet of lake shore, 2 more bathrooms, 3 more bedrooms and 2000 more square feet than your clients house. Ever have one of these clients?? The figure they had in thier mind was about $250,000 more than what the appraiser had in mind. It is crazy how some people think. Needless to say they tried to get loans from 3 other lenders before finally going with the appraised value. I lost the loan, but learned a lesson.
As a stager, much of what we do in the first stages is help the homeowner detach. Sometimes a bit of counseling goes into it!
When selling my own home, I plan to have another stager come in for a consult. Even though I know all the "what's" to do, as Debbie said, it's very difficult to detach from our own place on the planet.
Gary, BRAVO!!!! Buying or selling with emotions is a major NO-NO. Approaching Real estate eventually has to take the route of an investment by taking the time to complete a "Due Diligence" report. I agree 100%, 110% nay, make it 200% that's how right you are! "Resolving to objective" decisions is the key that so many buyers and seller (and agents) are side stepping. Your talking our talk now! WTG!
"Emotions can will cost money"
Very true and often forgotten. Thanks for the post.
Gabe Sanders e-PRO REALTOR®
Premier Realty Group
www.GabeSanders.com
www.TreasureCoastFLHomes.com
Great post! 100% true and handled very tactfully. I've bookmarked this blog for future reference! Thank you for such an awesome post!
Can you guys go with me to a listing presentation tomorrow evening?! I have sellers who are already dictating that they 'won't take less than...' ARGGH!
ALL good points though, and you did it so eloquently!!
Gary,
All sellers should read your post and keep these ideas in their minds when putting their homes on the market. If they don't, it's going to be a bumpy road indeed. Good reminder.
Excellent post! Emotions and ego really do interfere with the selling process and in some circumstances can kill a deal. Very useful information for home sellers!