The Perfect Eat, Drink and Be Merry Holiday Diet Plan

The Perfect Eat, Drink and Be Merry Holiday Diet Plan

Here are some tips on how to really enjoy the holiday festivities. Eat, Drink and be Merry! It's Christmas!

1.) Avoid carrot sticks. Carrots are for rabbits. Anyone who puts carrots on a Holiday Buffet Table in Litchfield County, CT knows nothing of the Holiday Spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2.) Drink as much Eggnog as you can... and quickly. Eggnog is rare! You cannot find it any other time of year. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an Eggnog-aloholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. Hey it's Christmas!

3.) If something comes with Gravy, use it. That's the whole point of Gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your Mashed Potatoes. Fill it with Gravy! Eat!

4.) As for Mashed Potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5.) Do Not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday Party is to eat other people's food for FREE. And lots of it!

6.) Under no circumstances should you Exercise between Christmas and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the Holiday Buffet Table carrying a 10-pound plate of food and consuming that vat of Eggnog.

7.) If you come across something really good at the buffet table, like frosted Christmas Cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8.) Same for Pies. Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9.) Did someone mention Fruitcake? Granted, Fruitcake is loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10.) ONE FINAL TIP: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the Holiday Buffet Table, you haven't been paying attention. Start over and re-read these tips. But hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember This Motto To Live By During the Holidays: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving at the pearly gates in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WAH HOO! What a Ride!"

Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!