A Battle Of Strong Wills: How A Prayer And A Change In Perspective Helped Me Today

As I sat down to prayer before lunch, I asked God to give me patience and understanding and to help guide me in the right direction with my youngest strong willed three year old son. I have been fighting this battle with my SWC for some time now, and today I was starting to feel like I was losing it, both my patience and the battle. And it's not just an every once in a while melt down; it's a daily battle of the wills between us.

It just so happened that my husband had just made a placement today (he's an executive recruiter), I had just gotten paid a commission from a new construction contract written back in February and I had actually had a couple of good days with my SWC. So why was I crying? I have so many things to be grateful for, why do I feel so bad? (Don't feel weak for shedding a few tears... I was once told by Sister Paula Hagen, the Retreat Director and Co-Founder of M.O.M.S., that "tears are prayers from the soul.") Well, as my husband and I learned from a parenting workshop we had attended not so long ago, strong willed children and a strong-willed parent will usually conflict and it all starts by first making changes within ourself. But there's more to it and God MUST be kept close in our thoughts, our words and our hearts.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

So I've been quite overwhelmed lately and feeling a tremendous amount of guilt for starting a new career and going back to work full-time and guilt for being a bit of a spitfire myself! (Have you had "the curse" put on by your mother when you were younger? I did!) Lately, I've been trying to discern the right things to do, the right course of action in every decision because I felt that it was all interwoven in God's ultimate plan for our lives. It seems that the challenges get tougher and the decisions get harder. Finding balance with God, family, career and life in general has become increasingly challenging. So, how timely it was that I found this article! Remember the little prayer I said at lunch? It's called "Making Peace with Your Strong-Willed Child."

Here's a quote from the article:

"Who said parents need to be rigid and inflexible? It's ironic, but God is the only one who can make us do anything, and he never has and never will force us to obey him. We think we can force a child's will when God himself does not force us. God wants us to choose to be in a relationship with him, to choose obedience. We need to parent the same way."

So if I am to be honest, I know that I am accountable. I know that it all begins with God, then I need to make changes in myself, my habits, the way I communicate and in the way I perceive things to be. Recently at mass, our priest pointed out that if "you change the way you look at things, then the things around you will begin to change." Now I know that this has been said a thousand different ways, by several people, but when God is in the center of it all it certainly does change the perspective.

Funny how you get these "little messages" and glimmers of hope after a simple, yet humble prayer for help during moments of weakness and frustration. So, this afternoon I somehow get both boys (3 & 5) down for a nap and as I'm writing this, my husband emails me this prayer. God does listen! I would like to share this with other mothers who may also be struggling with a SWC.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Praise be given to Your Holy name for Your forbearance and mercy.

You have dealt gently with Your children in love.

You have been patient with me in my humanness and stubbornness.

Lord, through the work of Your Spirit, prompt me to be more jubilant in hope, more patient in times of trouble, and more consistent in my prayer life.

Teach me, Lord, to wait with faith and expectancy, and may my trials be seen as times for growth in grace.

Through Christ our Lord, I pray.

Amen.

One last note, the article is one of the best written ones that I've read on this subject and it offers some great insight and suggestions. Enjoy the read!