Entry 33 - How to Tell if You're a Slumlord - The Top 10 Indicators

You know, it's a good thing there's such a stigma attached to being a slumlord, or else everyone would be doing it!

Actually not really, I've seen more than my fair share of XXXXL white T-shirts and ankle-length blue jean shorts, and most people just don't have the risk tolerance that I do when it comes to endangering their lives by entering neighborhoods reminiscent of Anbar Province in Iraq.

But many of you have posited that you may, in fact, be a slumlord, and have expressed varying degrees of concern over this epiphany. For now, we'll ignore the profoundly existential question of "How bad is it to be a slumlord" for the more categorical "Am I a slumlord?"

Without further ado, You Might Be Are A Slumlord if You:

1. Own rental properties that are worth less than a quarter of your home's value

2. Carry grizzly bear spray into the ghetto with you instead of the more traditional pepper variety (pepper spray's for pu$$ies! Just ask Teddy Ruxpin here ----->)

3. Own a trailer park but don't live there yourself, eschewing it for the more aristocratic double-wide down the dirt road

4. Refer to your tenants as "The Natives"

5. Have to roll up your windows while driving by your rental properties

6. As you walk up to your rental property to pay a contractor for long overdue repairs, you decide instead to spend the money on a h00ker working the same block

7. Your friends, family, and coworkers answer for you when someone asks what you do, with a euphemistic "He's in real estate. But back to what you were saying about that interesting bionucleic acid..."

8. Keep an eviction notice on your Windows desktop for easy access

9. Maintain a stash of hand sanitizer in the car, to stay ahead of that new strain of AIDS that you catch from looking at people who net less than $100K/year

10. Avoid wearing the colors red or blue when visiting your rental properties, and not because they don't compliment your eyes.

Face it: you're a slumlord. It's ok, I'm one too, and when it comes to being a slumlord, whatever doesn't kill you makes you richer!

<------------The Slum Limo!