Buyers, it's okay to be fair, seriously, you'll still get a great deal in this market.

I am writing this blog post mainly because I believe that buyers might benefit from taking a "big picture" view of the negotiating process, particularly now, when the market is already so heavily weighted in their favor.

Whatever happened to the win/win scenario in negotiating? I just lost a deal that was such a rare opportunity for a first time homebuyer, and I'm stunned.

Here's the scenario. The sellers/the home: Young couple, newlywed, bought the cutest ranch home in a sought-after area with great schools and easy commuter route access. Two years later the market tanks. Mr. Owner learns late 2008 that his company is consolidating and to keep his job he has to move out of state.

The owners contact an agent in the area and during their meeting it is obvious to the agent that this couple gets it - these sellers, refreshingly, had completely realistic expectations. They understand that a profit after expenses will not be part of the equation. They don't expect to make enough to pay off all their credit cards like so many sellers try to do these days. They just want to get out clean - pay costs of sale, allow for a contribution to buyers' closing cost and move on with their lives. Sound like very reasonable people, right?

The agent priced the home as low as possible to allow for payoff of mortgage, commission, buyer closing costs and a smidge of negotiating room. It's a great home with upgrades, immaculate, shows like new and has a spacious, popular floor plan. The sellers move out of state leaving the home "staged" with their nearly new furnishings. The agent takes several top producing agents in the area to see the property - they all agree, great home at a great price, and it shows very well. Everyone is optimistic.

It's a tough market even with a well priced really special home. Months pass with few showings. Buyers are not making offers - it's not that they don't like the house; they just have so many other choices that for one reason or another, it never ends up being #1.

Finally, 9 months into it, an offer is received. The offer is terrible - the buyers offer $20K below asking price, ask for all of their closing costs to be paid by seller ($4400), AND they want nearly EVERYTHING that is in the house - I would estimate to find like items would cost at least $10,000 - high end front load washer and dryer, the refrigerator in the kitchen along with the appliances that are normally left, the complete dining set, the complete leather great room furniture and tables, the master bedroom furniture including the mattresses and a giant armoire. Buyers offer no evidence of qualification to make the purchase, and set a closing date that is almost 2 months away.

The listing agent is almost afraid to submit the offer - these nice sellers - she is so afraid that they will be so insulted and absolutely freak out! To the contrary, the Sellers are shocked but again, very smart and reasonable people, they agree to leave ALL of the expensive furnishings - they are shocked by it but, okay, if that is what it will take, they agree that the sacrifice is probably in order given the market conditions. They AGREE to pay the $4400 in closing costs. They ask for a 30 day escrow and they want full price. The sellers ask for a preapproval letter from the buyers. Sounds pretty reasonable to me - after all, the house was priced fairly to begin with!

Buyers counter only slighly better than the original offer.They still want all the furniture and all closing costs paid. When sellers made their 1st counteroffer they gave their agent permission to explain to buyers' agent that they had only enough equity to cover commission and closing costs. Anyone could take a look at the tax record and see that this was the truth. Short sale is not an option here.

Much to the listing agent's surprise, sellers returned the next day with a counteroffer that would require them to take out a personal loan of about $7000 in order to close. Buyers would get the furniture except for an item of sentimental value, and sellers would still agree to pay buyers' closing costs. To sell the house these sellers were willing to literally pay the buyers $7000 over and above giving them furnishings worth about $10,000 and pay all closing costs.

It wasn't enough for this buyer. Mr. Buyer indicated to his agent that friends and co-workers were telling him that he was leaving money on the table. Mr. Buyer expected to get it all with no regard for the fact that sellers would need to take out a loan to make it happen. It's not like we are starting this negotiation with an overpriced home to begin with. That's not the case at all.

Obviously this buyer has never heard of win/win and has no sense of basic fairness - he would only be happy with everything that the sellers owned, including their first home and placing the sellers into debt in order to achieve his own selfish and unrealistic goal.

Buyers out there, let this be a lesson for you - it is not all about you. Relax - the odds have never been more in your favor -- you ARE going to get a good deal in this market. Period. The contract that you sign is called a "purchase and sale" agreement for a reason. There are two sides to the transaction. There is going to be an appraisal and these days, rest assured, that's a hurdle that provides ample protection to buyers. The banks are being ALOT more careful with valuations.

Fear of paying too much has been replaced with a total aim at eviscerating the seller. Listening to co-workers and friends over professionals that you have hired to represent you; believing everything you read on the internet - what is all that about? Whatever happened to basic fairness and reason?

To sellers out there struggling just to walk away "clean" in this tough market - take heart, all of the greedy buyers who have made your life difficult will one day be sellers too. It has never been more true - what goes around, comes around. Somewhere in metro ATL right now there is a ticked off woman ready to choke her unrealistic husband for causing her to miss out on the perfect house, practically filled to the brim with nearly brand new, gorgeous furnishings. Me thinks that he will get what he deserves!

Buyers, the moral of this story is: be smart, do your homework, protect yourself in the contract with contingencies, hire an experienced agent, be reasonable and fair minded and you won't have regrets.
Home buying is supposed to be a joyful experience, not a slaughter.