How to NOT winter-proof your old windows.

Lately we have been spoiled by the unseasonably warm weather here in Atlanta. Yesterday I was shopping for green sprinkles and chocolate egg-knog in my Flip-Flops and Daisy Dukes, and I paused to asked myself, is it really December, but more importantly, am I too old to be wearing Daisy Dukes?

Nevertheless, today a cold front has moved in *tisk* tisk* and so it is finally time, time to break out the ghetto-fabulous-double-pain-plastic-shrink-wrap for my single pane, pain-in-the-a**-windows.

In the spirit of the Holidays I thought it would be fun to take you through the tedious tradition of winter-proofing my delightful, and slightly breezy, Mid-Century Modern Home (did I mention I have original, single-PAIN-aluminum-windows?)

Step #1 Locate the Biggest wall of windows where the drafty exterior breeze is coming from.

Step #2 Layout all the tools you will need to shrink wrap your drafty window project: Gin, Ginger Ale, Ice, scissors and some other stuff.

Step #3 Pour equal parts of the Gin and Ginger Ale into the chilled glass that contains ice. Test to make sure they are of the highest quality.

Step #4 Double check the materials, sometimes the consistency might be weak and more Gin should be added liberally.

Step #5 Carefully adhere the double sided tape gently yet firmly around the window trim thing-a-ma-jiggy, takeing pre-kaution for excessive pressing, this can cause panefull wood-chips in your fingers also known as splinters (the little bast**ds)

Step #6 Make sher your sweet and tangee Bev-erige is within reaching distance… sometimes the drafty windows let in large Rodents or humans who steel tasty Beverriges, so you must be cognesent of whare your icy cold Drink is at ALLL tims.

Step #7 Take the plastik outuv the box thingy. WARNING: DO NOT PUT PLASTICK OFER UR HEAD, THISE CAN CAUSE SUFFICATIONS.

STEP# 9 or 8 iforgot. Play WIDTH the plasitc pretendd like your are Jezus’s mother the Merry virgin.

Step #11 Wharedid my FRIGIN’ dnrink GO? I jusputiddown for a sekund and somwone drank it all…waathe …!?

Step #21 Skrew dis, i hat dubbble sided stiiky tape… will deel wtith Drefty windows toomarrow. Go takeAing a nap.