Short Story - Potomac River Canoe Ride from Hades

This canoe trip was on Sunday, August 24, 2008. It has nothing to do with real estate and eveything to do with regular people in adverse conditions pulling together and making it through. Please excuse language and attitudes that may offend - I only mean to entertain...

Robin (the Realtor 59), Jim 65, Jim's daughter Christine 44 (also her husband Brad 44 & Son Bryce 13) reserved a canoe trip for us in Harpers Ferry, WV as Jim has been saying how he wanted to try canoes or kayaks. So this was for his recent 65^th birthday present from his daughter and her family. West Virginia on the Potomac and Shenandoah Rivers is a very beautiful place full of Blue Heron, American Bald Eagles and plenty of other flora and fauna. It is also a fisherman's paradise (which will come into play later in the story).

Wow. Six hours in a canoe on a river too low for canoes - no guides because we think (and so did the River Riders staff) it is pretty easy to go downstream for cripe sakes - no food with us but we have water. I was the only one with canoe experience (on a quiet and small lake only). We get on the river in Shepardstown and push off in 2 canoes and 1 kayak. There are 3 other kayak riders that go in with us from the bus and they are experienced and hang out with us for a while to see that we are OK. At this point, we are all OK. It is calm and sunny and beautiful.

Eventually, as we paddle there are lots of big rocks to dodge with swift currents around them - and then we see that there are rocks to get stuck on - you have to get out and push off carefully as rocks are VERY slippery and uneven with deep pools here and there. OR you push off with your oar and try not to overturn the canoe. I got really good at that. (As the hours went by I wondered how my neck would be that night although it never hurt me the whole time we were on the water.) The other kayak folks come back to us when we get stuck to show us how to push off. They are quite nice but impatient to get on their way so we thank them and they go on their merry and easier way.

Poor Jim's legs started cramping up in the canoe the first hour and he was in misery. Jim and Brad got stuck early and Brad gets out pushing the canoe off the rocks and then Jim and canoe go over backward - in slow motion. Meanwhile Bryce in his kayak goes back to help and Christine and I are ahead trying to turn around and help (like how I don't know). Brad gets the canoe up righted and Jim back in but pain in Jim's legs is awful so we paddle and find an area to get off and walk around. (Keep in mind this is supposed to be a fun half-day trip but we did not know every mile on the water takes an hour -if you don't get stuck- and it's a 6-7 mile trip from start to finish.)

We all keep saying in cheerful voices, it's (the "takeout") just around the next bend and we can get out and stretch again if Jim's legs need it.

I am thinking at this point there is nothing we can do but keep going downstream and follow our map to a closer "takeout" where we can call and have them pick us up. Their number is printed on every life vest so no worries. Little did we know that the so-called early place was not marked by any signs on the river (just on our map) so we went past it and kept thinking it was ahead of us somewhere. Also, mostly folks along the river aren't too friendly or don't have any idea how far we have to go either. We are basically on our own.

OF COURSE none of us has brought our cells thinking we would be fine and/or ask for help from other boaters or shore people. (The river homes are intermittent along the Potomac and those owners really do not appreciate strangers coming up to their docks. Beside, they all have jet skis, pontoon boats and speed boats that you must dodge and avoid so it's a challenge and a bit dicey to ask a question, believe me! We thought the ride would be a short jaunt, etc. NOT. As the day went on and we kept pushing off from the rocks at every drop of the river, I am starting to curse those damn River Rider people (silently) for being so cavalier with our safety. After all we told them we are nubies and they said cool, you'll be fine, took our money, had us sign the risk waivers and off we went.

Now Jim is even quieter - not like him - means the pain is worse and now his back is hurting too. He has to hold his legs straight out because he can't bend them for lack of room and his one leg is still stiff from the earlier bike fall :=)) Also, we are all getting sunburned to the max. Sunscreen is in my backpack - which is in the other canoe from out last stop to stretch. The water is there, too and we urge Jim to drink more to help with the cramping. The guys are too macho for sunscreen and probably don't care about it - not until it's too late.

Some shore people tell us that the takeout is probably just around the next bend!

We find a place again on shore to get out and stretch (and pee!) with nobody around of course to ask about distance, etc. The 3 kayakers that started out with us are LONG gone as we are so slow with the canoes and getting stuck on so many places. No other boaters come by except for power boats, jet skis, etc and they ignore us and cause big wakes to deal with - whoopee! Of course we don't wave them over cause we are still in denial about now bad off we are.

Meanwhile Bryce at 13 has been bored and all along had been running into us for fun. Later on he started whining at his mom that he is hungry, etc. I am like "SHUT UP WE ARE ALL TIRED AND HUNGRY SO SUCK IT UP AND QUIT RUNNING INTO US". So he stopped. I am now sure we are in BIG trouble but not ready to say it out loud. Christine, Bryce and I are one group and the guys are WAY behind us most of the time. WE JUST KEEP PADDLING.

We yell at the guys that it's just around the next bend! (Jim later said that if he had heard that phrase one more time there would have been trouble!)

We got on the water at 10AM and now it's about 3PM and the guys are in front now and get stuck on the rocks. (Also, we are out of water to drink) River is faster here and deeper out beyond but now the current pulls us toward them so fast we hit and our canoe flips us back and knock us under and into rocks - bangs our knees, hand and butts so fast! All I can hear is the water roaring in my ears and can't see anything or know which way is up. We pop up (life vests YAY!) after maybe a few seconds and now all of us are separated from each other by rocks and fast water - but we all are OK too.

The guys are each on one big rock close to each other, Christine and Bryce are downstream near our overturned canoe in stiller water with big rocks all around and I am WAY over from the fast water spot that dumped us - on a big slippery outcrop with a bleeding knee (will be a moon-shaped memento scar) and do I have the shakes. Christine is shaking too - I can see her watching me to see how I'll do with this. She looks at me and then swims/walks to the overturned canoe and Bryce kayaks to the paddles and backpack. Jim and Brad are trying to talk to me but there is too much water noise to hear them and besides I know it's Christine that will have to get the canoe to me with Bryce helping.

I sit down to rest and look around to see where I can safely leave the rock. They are all still looking at me and we all wonder how to get me off the damn rock and back in the canoe - I'm looking all around the rock and just do not like my choices at all. Finally, I ask her to bring the canoe downstream to my left near a rock outcrop and I get back in the water and try to feel my way along the slippery uneven rocks to her - and with Bryce pushing the canoe against the rock I do finally get back in. Christine then gets in carefully and we are SO relieved. SO many things could have gone wrong at this point but did NOT. We take off knowing that we have to go get help if Jim can't get back in their canoe so we leave Brad & Jim on the rocks and paddle. We look back time to time and they eventually get going again. Yay! Keep paddling...

We also know that we are to avoid the dam (on the left side toward Harpers Ferry) at all costs and we start seeing markers but the river is wider and deeper and the wind comes up which makes it harder to stay on course and we are SO damned tired and dehydrated and blistered and some shore folks tell us that the takeout is about a mile (damn - another hour!) downstream on the right - meanwhile more jet skiers, water skiers, boats and big wakes rock us and it just goes on and on and we just keep paddling cause what else can we do.

FINALLY we see what must be the takeout with lots of people and boats like ours in the distance and we pull in and find the young kid with the River Rider shirt. He said they had been looking for us to pull in soon (they had actually called Christine's cell that was in their car around 3PM) and had already called the bus to get us. We get back, order beers and slap a Band-Aid on my knee, drive to Frederick dirty and wet and have a fabulous Mexican dinner - more beverages and we all toast each other for getting through it calmly and without serious injury.

I lost my backpack on the rocks during our 3PM ordeal but a kind fisherman, JD, called me last night (Monday after) and said he saw it on some rocks while he was fishing Monday evening after work. He left it on his front steps (his home in right on the river near the rocks where we crashed) and everything is there; my driver's license, healthcare card, my biz card with cell number her called, Jim's house keys and my windbreaker. I left him a nice bottle of Canadian Whiskey as a thank you for being a Good Samaritan.

My Mom told me that after this trip, keeping in mind the April Bermuda yacht trip where the rope yanked my off my feet and almost took me overboard, I should avoid the water and stay on dry ground for the next adventure. She is probably correct so I already asked my brother Nick if he would ride the mules into Grand Canyon with me next year. Nick said yes, of course!

P.S We are now looking at WV as a place to retire and found some lovely homes along the Potomac River...