Some Good Can Come Out Of A Tough Change

Do you tell yourself you aren't good with change? Do you, in fact, despise change? You might be surprised to find that some good can come out of what you're going through.

Learning to stop paddling your boat against the current is a start. I'm not proposing a book review, or recommendation, but something Ariane De Bonvoisin said in an interview really resonated with me. She wrote a book called, The First 30 Days, Your Guide to Any Change. Much like what I did primarily in America, she did her research by casually interviewing over 1000 people while traveling the world. She speaks about her important discovery of how people, in general, handled change. She found that no matter where people are geographically, we all deal with good change and bad. We don't acknowledge it as such however.

We graduate, we move, we have children, we get fired, we lose a home, and you can either embrace it or fight against it. Individuals who successfully handle change do so through positive beliefs as they move through life. We're not talking about positive thinking in and of itself. The ‘I CAN' people understand the reality of just how tough things might get, but they remain very positive about getting through whatever the change is because they know that something good will come out of it in the end. Consider this:

Any emotion you resist will rule your life like an unspoken law.

In order to move gracefully through change of any kind, you have to first accept it. Do not interpret that as being a door mat. If you focus on a belief that you can't, then that is precisely whats holding you back from an opportunity to grow. Your brain is producing the feelings of fear, doubt, confusion, and a host of other emotions. Hogwash you say?

Fear paralyzes people throughout their life unless they can move beyond it. Doubt will keep you from moving forward because you have no true conviction that things will work out. Impatience, you can't trust and therefore, will likely give up on something because its not done on your time schedule. Guilt produces feelings of low self worth. Blame, most often induced by parents or spouse, but in casting blame it will further delay your maturity. Shame, how others will look at you is of great concern if a change is made.

You will decide if you live in a friendly universe or an unfriendly universe. Whichever way you decide, it will impact you to your core and you will live out the messages you believe to be true. You will use terms such as "This always happens to me." "Nothing good can come out of this." "Why can't I be lucky like that?"

Deciding to be an optimist will impact the way you move through change, and through life. How people cope is very personal for everyone; some people pray, some journal or exercise, some create a resume' of all the good that came out of their life changing experiences. Whatever method works for you, do it.

I use to wear an elastic band around my wrist when I struggled with negative thoughts. Even when no one was around, if I had a negative thought in my head, or if I allowed one to come out of my mouth, I'd snap the elastic band hard enough to leave a mark. No, I'm not in to pain, but I had to realize that every negative thought I had about a particular situation, or person, caused a feeling inside me that would steal my productivity and growth.

When you begin recognizing the negative emotions, you will begin to ask yourself, "What am I thinking that is creating this negative feeling?" You'll get better and better at it each time if you allow yourself to recognize it, but quickly re-focus your attention to the positive.

Cognitive therapists can teach you the same thing at a much more expensive rate. If you can't do this alone, get that elastic around your wrist, or better yet, is there someone that you can be accountable to? A spouse, a parent, a friend? Let them know what you're trying to do, chances are, it can make them think about their own power to create positive changes. You will have engaged a good habit in your circle of influence by doing so.

Will you fall off course now and then? You might, but so does everyone else. Whatever changes you are faced with making, if you've done all you can and you have no other choice but to accept it, handle it with grace. Accepting change, letting go of total control, and being at peace is a much easier way to live.

Celebrate the small victories! The more you can celebrate small victories, the easier it becomes. Set up weekly meetings with your accountability person(s) and go over the choices you made to move forward, to save money, to talk to the lawyer, to move out of your home, to hug your children every night before they go to sleep. No matter what it is, celebrate the fact that you did it!