OK, I admit it. I caused the mortgage meltdown.

It was me.

It's time to stop blaming the lenders, the consumers, the Realtors, the Wall Street gurus, Hank Paulson, George Bush, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, all of them, innocent. Pure as the driven snow. Blameless.

I did it. I woke up early one morning and, as I embarked on my quest for total world domination, I decided the best way to get what I want (unlimited golf and free sandwiches at Eagle Bend golf course for life) was to bring the American economy to its knees, humble the populace with the worst economic disaster since the Great Depression, take over their health care, decrease their access to capital so I had more money than they did and then MAKE MY DEMANDS! FREE SANDWICHES! WHOA!

But I've decided to give up golf. The only people who'll play with me are Geitner, Obama, Bush, Paulson...,

Sorry.