New Year's Resolutions

This is a humorous blog written by my husband, Douglas (Mountain Man) not to be taken seriously. Have run reading.

New Year's Resolutions

December 31st, 2009

I'm not really the type of guy to make New Year's resolutions. I guess it's because I've pretty much always been in control of my life. Okay, so I always want to lose weight and I guess that is the one resolution that I might think about each December. But it probably has more to do with the overeating I enjoy from Thanksgiving through January 1st and it's just a coincidence of calendar.

But, what the heck. Let me see if I can't take a few things that bother me and turn them into New Year's resolutions.

I vow to pay no attention to the Nostradamus prophecy of the end of the world on December 21, 2012. Give me a break. There's no way some dude in 1555 could predict the end of civilization. As the stoned-out hippies used to say, "Far out, I see it, too." Nostradamus will get the attention equal to Y2K, and fail as miserably.

I vow not to mumble under my breath when I see a woman covered in tattoos. Sure, I think it's degrading, even belittling. But I'll keep my mouth shut.

I vow not to make fun of religion. So what if it is a continuance of primitive pagan rituals that fly in the face of science. So what if religion has been the basis of wars and murder for many millineum, and still is to this day. I'll just consider it population control.

I vow not to complain when a bunch of brats are screaming in a store, "I want that!" and the mother exerts no control, no authority. She's probably dumber than them, anyway.

I vow not to get upset when the driver in front of me turns without signalling. Or hogs the passing lane while going 5 mph under the speed limit. I'll just keep driving my beat-up truck that subtly says, "I don't care, I'll ram you."

I vow not to get pissed off when I see a dog tied up to a chain out in the pouring rain with no cover, no food, no hope. Maybe the dog was Idi Amin in its last life and deserves it.

I vow not to speak badly about ALL politicians and our corrupt government system. There must be one politician out there with the ethics of Gandhi.

And lastly, I vow to not take seriously any of these stupid New Year's resolutions. If I can't bitch and complain and grumble, what do I have to look forward to in 2010?

- Mountain Man

http://www.MountainManandCityGirl.com