The Art of Negotiation

The Art of Negotiation

What NOT to do

While sitting in New York Supreme Court waiting for my lawyer and my ex's lawyer to come out of a conference with the judge, i eavesdropped on every conversation going on around me because my iphone had died. Like everyone else here, I was here for a divorce proceeding. Essentially I have wound up here because of an impasse in my negotiating skills. Then again when you are personally involved it is much harder to negotiate than when you are a third party. However, being a third party, as witnessed today, does not necessarily mean you have a clearer head or have no motives.

Many a blunder have occured when interested parties are involved. This is normal. What is abnormal is when the blunders occur from third parties that are supposed to have a clearer head.

Case 1
Today in court, the man next to me got joint custody, got his opponent to take on all marital debt, got the visitation rights he was seeking (he wasn't seeking custody), however, he didnt settle by stipulation. Why you ask me? Because his ex refused to return his XBox to him. It wasn't all his clothes that she threw out. It wasn't the furniture that he bought that had him upset. It all came down to an XBox and 4 games. Retail price <$600. He opted instead for a trial and the possibility that his child support payment will be increased. This, ladies & gentlemen, is what i call a WTF? moment. There was no need to curse but there are no better words to describe what had just happened. It would cost him close to $1000 to come back another day plus run the risk of paying more in child support. This WTF? moment is not only the fault of the man wanting the XBox but also his lawyer's fault. Instead of sitting down and explaining this to him, she berates him as to what her advice is instead of concentrating on the why. The man's stupidity or pride got the best of him but his negotiater (lawyer) didn't do much to prevent him from harming himself either but instead told him "i told you so" over and over again.

Case 2
i notice a man and a woman are arguing on the side. It turns out that the husband and wife had come to an agreement on a separation agreement without consulting their lawyers. Who were the two people arguing? The two lawyers. Hold on this isn't the moment yet. After each had reviewed their agreement and found nothing wrong with it or needed changes, the two start arguing over who knew about the agreement first and why they hadn't notified the other party. When i say argue i don't mean in a professional manner. I mean 5 year old "did not" "did so" arguing (literally) to the point that one threatened to advise their client that the agreement was not in their best interests and should back out. The WTF? moment responsibility belongs to both the lawyers. I haven't seen that kind of behavior since my boys were 8 & 6. SMH....

WHY would you argue over mundane things such as who knew about the agreement first? All the substantive issues had been settled everything else is irrelevant. Which leads us to another WTF? moment... WHY would you pay a lawyer $3200 to come to court with you when you already had the separation agreement taken care of? Yes that much because the husband footed the bill for both sides. This is stupidity on the husband's part or stubbornness on the wife's part (which obviously comes out on top because she walks away without having to pay a dime that day and most likely got everything she wanted in the agreement). Two of the lawyers in the courtroom murmerred while the couple went on the record for the seperation agreement.... "That was a waste of time" "That was a waste of money"

Case 3
Is a small WTF? moment but because it involved my own particular case i will not discuss it in here in detail. I will, however, say that it did bring a smile to my face and joy on the inside.

Lessons learned
*Pride comes before a fall
*Learn when to keep your mouth shut
*Don't take anything too seriously
*Make sure you get a good/professional lawyer
*4 out of the 6 lawyers observed yesterday seriously need to work on their negotiation skills & professional demeanor overall
*I'm glad i didn't hire one of those 4... lol

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