Are you the driver or are you driven?

Let me set the scene. The year was 2005, and the market was cookin. I had had a successful career, but this was a year that was off the charts. I had hooked into a very large investor network and it seemed I couldn't keep up with the business. I was addicted. I finally knew what heroin felt like to an addict. It was never going to be enough, and I was up to the task, or so I thought. Then August came, and besides a record heat wave in Oklahoma City where no day was under 100 degrees, I had 20 days out of the month where i spent the whole day with investors in my care doing at least 250 miles per day. It didn't help that time was the biggest spike in gas prices, but my business was on fire, so why worry. In fact worry was all I did. I started having heart palpatations. I would wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks, but I figured that if i could get to 200 transactions if was worth the panic attacks, the cold sweats, and the 7 hours a day i was on the phone. My relationship with Charlene was strained but hey, that is the price of the American dream. Then it happened, I was the number one salesperson in my franchise for the state. I made it! Why was I not happy? I started to think about my favorite lyric from a song by Richard Thompson, (Clapton's favorite guitar player), called Tear Stained Letter, "Well my head was beating like a song from the Clash, it was writing checks that my body couldn't cash". I was in big trouble, and all the money was not going to solve it.

I have a confession. I have been going to a therapist for quite a few years. he is a PhD psychologist and a wonderful non-judgemental man. We all need someone be it a pastor, a trusted friend, but for me someone who I can talk to who is a professional. Kinda like using a good realtor to make a purchase of a home. I was in the middle of an hour long rant, sort of like some of the ones i see here complaining about how bad other realtors can be, or the government, or new regulations. i was on a role and couldn't stop. i finally took a breathe. and he had an opening so he said can i ask you a question? Sure Doctor what is it as I breathed liked a gerbil. When it comes to this business relationship, are you the driver, or are you being driven?

Thunderstruck. Have someone ever said something to you and are speechless, and you felt like Paul on the Damascus road? I think that is what you call an epiphany. I knew that in that moment all the rants, all the complaints, all the acting like a victim came into focus. We all fight for one important goal, to have a choice. Not just a choice, but the ability to create our own destiny. I learned in that session that one of the most powerful words in the English language is No. No is not a negaitive word if used properly. I knew I was driven, and that I would not be heatlhy in mind and body until I came to grips with my need and desire to be proactive.

So when you tell yourself, I have to do this no matter what, when you sacrifice your family time, your peace of mind, and your free time to something that you can't say no to, be careful. You may get your wish, and when your get that wish, you may find that the price tag you paid is way to high. If i could give anyone else advice they would listen to you is this, be the driver. Being driven can be hazardous to your health, physically, mentally, and spiritually.