1. Leave that baseball bat beside the master bed during showings.
An excellent idea. Leaves the impression with buyers that this is a dark and dangerous neighbourhood, which is an excellent strategy for drawing offers since everbody loves a little drama in their lives.
2. Leave every single piece of art the children have ever made for you on every flat and vertical surface in the house.
Yup, it shows that your home is full of love, your family's love, your family's things....everywhere. You don't ever want your potential buyer to think that there is 'room' for them in your house. And whatever you do, don't let them start to picture themselves living there. I mean, there isn't even an offer on the table yet!
3. Make sure you updated your home no more recently than 20 years ago.
Everyone knows that anything done 15-20 years ago is much better than anything done recently. Ahhh, those were the good ol' days, no? You updated the kitchen 15 years ago and your draperies cost you a minor mortgage 20 years ago, and those avocado fixtures in the bathroom? You paid a fortune for all of that and they still work fine.
And if your buyer doesn't recognize the value of what you purchased two decades ago, let them change it! Everyone knows how much free time and energy and money people have to put toward renovation and updating the new home they have just moved into, particularly after they have just made a down payment and signed a mortgage.
4. Leave the years of accumulated dust, dirt and pet hair on every surface in your home.
You must never, ever leave the impression that you actually care(d) about how your home looks. If you do, potential buyers might think you took good care of your home and that will only inflate their expectations. Why, they might even think you took care of leaky pipes too! and water in the basement! and moisture in the attic! Now that's just ridiculous...
5. Stalk potential buyers as they traipse through your house during showings.
Potential buyers feel lonely when they have to visit a home without the homeowner to escort them through every square inch of the house. And they certainly don't like feeling like they can speak freely about the pros and cons of this property for them.
Moreover, they feel neglected when they don't get a history lesson from you about how you turned your model-airplane building acumen into a personal mission to DIY every repair to your home, no matter how many tries it took you to get it right.
And be sure to correct buyers if they mention they'd like to tear down the wall separating the kitchen from the dining room. After all, you're the one who has lived in the house for years so YOU clearly know how the next buyer should live in it too.
Good luck!
Tanya Nouwens, Affiliated Real Estate Agent and Certified Canadian Staging Professional (TM), Montreal
JJ Jacobs Realty Inc. & Ready, Set...Sold!, Montreal, Canada
www.jjjrealty.com www.readysetsold.ca
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A fresh approach to selling real estate in Montreal's West Island, combining the 29 years of real estate experience of JJ Jacobs Realty Inc. with the home staging expertise of Ready, Set...Sold! Inc.
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Great post! I'm sure you could have listed some more, like leaving the vicious pitbull loose in the back yard, or remaining faithful to the old water saving mantra, "If it's yellow let it mellow...".
Stalking... I love it! Hey, I hear that the Avocado green and harvest gold is making a come back! and you are being kind, I am thinking that the Avocado dates back a decade farther!
HAHA! Yup you got it.
Tanya, great strategies for not selling a home unless of course it is priced low enough to incent every buyer in town to want take on an updating project. Have a safe and Happy 4th of July ... God Bless America!
Tanya,
Great take on reasons not to get your home sold. All so true..I also love the "stalking" term because that is what a buyer feels! Great post..Happy July 4th!
Great tips, Tanya, especially in today's market when there is no competition for buyers. : )
Love your sense of humor.....
Happy Thursday!!
Lori
Thanks for the laughs!
Not nice, Cameron! You stole two of my next five ways to (not) sell your house!!! :0)
Thanks for the comments, everyone, and for appreciating the tongue-in-cheek approach.
Happy 4th of July to you from the great North: Canada. (OK, so it's not really the great North unless it's winter...when we all have to travel everywhere by snowmobile because we have no plows up here.....just kidding!)
Well the baseball bat is better than some of the other things I have found next to or under the master bed.
An agent recently told me about her client who insists on being home for showings and recently he dumped his laundry out on the kitchen counter just minutes before the buyers arrived. When they arrived he was folding his underwear in the kitchen.
We can't make this stuff up! Life really is too funny...
Love this list and how you positioned it Tanya - what not to do when selling.
Great smiles for the day! bet you had fun putting this together! love it, love it!
Tanya, how about underwear on the stairs? Huge turnoff as far as that neat as a pin image the buyers were looking for. And if any smells, they do a big U-turn out the door.
(LOL) This was great. Nice reflection on the silly things we have to deal with at times ;)
Thanks for clicking and commenting, folks. Stayed turned for Part II. I may steal Cameron's pitbull and mellow-yellow for that one as well as Gary's underwear....Oh now that did NOT come out right!
That was a hoot and a half! The funny and/or sad thing about your post is that some people actually show their homes like that!
Yikes. Thanks for sharing!
I can top your #1: I once went to look at a townhouse, and the owner showed me his bedroom. He had bars on the windows (this was a nice upscale neighborhood), a trap door in the floor that led to the crawlspace under the home, and there was a 5 foot tall gunsafe bolted to the floor. Luckily, he decided not to sell.
The things we see!
Tanya ! #5 is just the worst - and I encounter it all the time. I take my buyers round, only to hear that little voice trailing me telling me every single date when something was bought in the house and a 'funny story' to go with it ! ... I forbid my sellers to trail a showing unless asked by the buyer's agent !!!! lol
Well stated Tanya! Stalking seems to be a provincial national problem! Love your humour eh?
LOVE the story of the private armoury, Theo!
Yes, the things we see... Ya gotta love people...and all of their/our quirks, quibbles and quaint habits, no?
Wow...you said STALK!
That's about the only way to explain it when sellers will not allow the buyer to "shop" so to speak! It can be very intimidating to a buyer who just wants to look and maybe make some comments to their spouse and/or agent!
Hysterical, Tanya. I must remember to suggest this to my next Seller just in case they are actually reasonable.