LOL FRIDAY - 12 For the Road

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

Marriage is like witness protection. You get a new identity and a new home, and you're not allowed to see your old friends anymore.

Money is the root of all wealth.

Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.

Man: A creature made at the end of the workweek when God was tired.

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. Mark Twain

Last year for Christmas, I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I thought I'd put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom.

It's bad luck to be superstitious.

I'm having amnesia and Deja Vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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