We had an extraordinarily good speaker at our Tomball Business and Professional Women luncheon. Her name is Linda Talley and being a body language expert she spoke on "Non-Verbal Etiquette for the Business Woman". As I said this was a ladies group so her talk was geared for businesswomen. I thought about usina a title of "Women REALTORS® smile too much". You will need to watch the video below to get the full answer to that.
I have heard this before but verbal communication makes up 7% of all communication and non verbal makes up the other 93%. We spend so much time focusing on what we are saying without spending time focusing on what we are saying with our body language. We also have to remember that we may be reading what our clients are saying but they are also reading what we are saying.
She started out talking about how we stand. We probably all know that we need to be careful crossing our arms as it is stand offish. She said to stand with your hands by your side and your feet in the A position. She called this a power standing position. When you are introducing yourself a very powerful position is to put your hands in the steeple position. She recommended standing holding on to something which could be a wall with your hand on your hip. She said to be careful you did not go in the female fig leaf position with one hand on your desk and the other hand by your side.
At this point she went in to handshakes. She had us shake hands with a neighbor. We were then to look and see where our thumb was. If our thumb is on top it means we want to be the dominant person. She recommended that ladies always extend their hand first. She said this was important especially for men over the age of 45 as they were often taught not to touch a lady. She also said if a man squeezes our hand too hard then we have permission to squeak.
She next talked about women sitting. When men sit they take up a lot of room so our challenge is to take up as much room as we can. She said to put your arms on the armrest and gently rest them there to take up more space. You always want to turn your chair to a 45 degree angle so you are not confrontational. If there is a door you want to turn your chair so you can see the door.
Women like to smile more than men so when talking to men she said we need to be careful that we don't smile too much; otherwise they think we are agreeing with everything they say.She thought this was especially important for REALTORS®. At this point she was looking for the REALTORS in the group. Since I was making a video I was hoping there was another REALTOR in the group but no such luck and she caught me smiling as you can see in the following video.
She gave some tips on walking away. Most important when walking away you want to be very careful that you don't straighten your panties. She said just let them be bunched up. You just walk away and don't mess with anything. Now this is a gal problem but she did mention if she was talking to guys she would be talking about a different guy problem. As you reach the door turn back around and make some parting remark such as "talk to you on Tuesday etc". You want them to remember your face not your panty line. We need to be careful we don't turn around and give them a Princess Diana look.
She gave a gentle reminder that as soon as we get in to our car we are on the platform. You just never know who may be watching you. I recently was having an around the house day and ran to the grocery store thinking I could get in and out without seeing anyone as it was an odd time. You would know it I saw a builder friend that I had not seen in ages. The entire time we are talking I can't think about anything but how awful I look. This one hit home with me!!
She ended with a story about a caterpillar and a butterfly. So which do you want to be?
For more information about Linda Talley you can visit her website at http://www.lindatalley.com/.
I have been a member of Tomball Business and Professioanl Women for 12 years now and have totally enjoyed the group. Tomball Business & Professional Women's mission is to Promote women in business by helping one another and giving back to the community and others in need.
Their vision is to help women achieve their goals both personally and professionally by providing a place for exchange of ideas, educational programs and support for one another.
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If you are buying or relocating to Tomball Texas and need help from a professional REALTOR®, Marchel can be reached at Marchel@AgentwithResults.com or by phone at 832-721-8332.
If you would like information about Tomball please visit my websites at http://agentwithresults.com/tomball.html and at Results Realty. The AgentwithResults site is rich in Content about Tomball. If you prefer pictures with your content then visit my ResultsRealtyTX site.
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Marchel Peterson broker/owner Results Realty specializing in residential real estate, homes, properties and acreage in Spring, Tomball, Magnolia and the Woodlands Texas.
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Wow Marchel that was really nice to read. I learned a lot. I smile too much.
My husband who is certified in Speech said 90% of communication is body language.
Excellent blog post Marchel. I really enjoyed it and learned a lot.
Sounds like that was a great program, and I love that you shared it with us. Thank you, Marchel! I hadn't heard some of those ideas, but they all make sense to me.
Oooo, good information. I'll remember to use some of these tips in my business. I really found the 45 degree angle different...and occuping lots of space. I think I'll use some of these tomorrow. Sounds like you had a good time, and what a great group to belong to. Thanks for posting this piece.
Marchel - I think I can send "wrong" messages to men and it is unintentional. I tend to look people in the eye when I talk. When I am aware of the situation, I find myself uncomfortable. I want to work on it.
HEATHER, I learned a lot from the presentation. I for sure learned that I smile too much!!
GARY, I didn't realize just how much non verbal communication we tell without saying anything.
CANDICE, I'll bet that has come in handy doing real estate!
MISSY, I smile too much also as a matter of fact she caught me smiling! I was trying to be quiet thinking maybe there would be another agent there but then everyone started looking over at me.
SUMA, Thank you and thanks for stopping by.
MARGARET, I thought her tips made great sense also. It was nice it was centered for the business women.
MARIANNE, I have always know there were times I felt uncomfortable sitting across from someone and now I know it is the angle of the chair.
LOREENA, I for sure found out that I smile too much which I found is telling men that I agree with them when there are times that I probably don't.
Thank you for the very interesting and informative post! I am afraid that I am a smiler!
Marchel, I would have loved seeing this in person but I'm so glad you shared it...it was very interesting and something I do notice about other people. I smile WAY too much but a few of the things I have heard such as handshakes and not crossing your arms. Loved it!
Hi Marchel,
Good stuff for all of us. The "non-verbal" issue totally fascinates me in many ways.
Marchel: I think all this networking you do is just great. And... all this knowledge about non-verbal communication... we really need to know this so we don't end up sending messages we don't intend to. Thanks for sharing. I would just love to see this entire presentation in person.
Great post! Very good info, and so true about "running to the store". I have my business name on my vehicle, so I always think about who may see me getting out of my car, and if they are wondering if the person in sweatpants and a T-shirt is capable of staging a home for sale. I try to have a "casual uniform" ready for those emergency runs to the store, including a cap or hat to cover up a bad hair day!
Well you certainly made me aware of some things. And about going to the store. It never fails, the worse you look the more people you will run in to!
Marchel excellent information, I pay more attention to the non-verbal communications, body language can say so much. Thanks for sharing the video.
Marchel - Communication (verbal and non-verbal) is so important in the business world. A few years back, while working at a software company, I had a woman boss, that was meaner than a junk yard dog. I literally watched her turn a quiet shy co-worker into a stressed out pool of mush.
I found humor was the best way I could get along with her. We had a large lunch gathering (all the women) at the corporation. The boss had just been dressed down by HR, and rumors were flying about how difficult she was to work with.
We were asked to stand and introduce ourselves, speak briefly about the position we held at the company, and the person we supported The atmosphere in the room that day was extremely tense because of everything which had been going on. I stood up, quietly introduced myself, and then mentioned who I supported (my boss). There was a small gasp in the room. . . And then I went on to say, "If you are wondering how I get along with ____, that would be famously - afterall we were lovers in a previous life." The room broke out in loud raucous relieved laughter. And even my boss didn't kill me:-) There are times when you can infuse humor into a stressful situation and relieve much pressure and discomfort.
Thanks for passing along all this good information. It is important to present ourselves properly and professionally to the public at all times.
Myrl,
Humor speaks volumes. Always have a good joke in your back pocket, preferably not an off color one.
Marchel,
How very enlightening... Thank you for sharing and yes, I am smiling...
Ann
DEBRA, I have to admit I am a smiler also. I've been trying to not smile so big in pictures and I find that difficult.
CAROLE, I bought her video but have not had time to look at it yet. My daughter is in town for a few weeks and I thought being a flight attendant it would be something that would be beneficial for her to watch also.
LYNDA, It is amazing what we say when we are not moving our mouth.
KAREN ANNE, She travels quite a bit so who knows maybe she will make it to Fort Worth someday.
CHERYL, I was so embarrassed that I have not ran to the store looking like that again. You think I can just run it and then when you hit the same isle there's just no way to duck.
WENDY, Isn't that the truth! You would think I would have learned that lesson by now.
JENNIFER, I always think I'm fairly good at reading people but I learned a lot from this gal. Especially the part about smiling too much! Guilty as charged!
MYRL, What a wonderful story! It always helps to put a little humor in a tense situation.
SABRINA, We never know when we might run it to that public either.
ANN, I have to admit I'm a smiler.
Hi Marchel.....this looked like a fun and productive luncheon. I think it was OK that you were smiling because Linda is female. She did say that was alright for the ladies to smile with each other....LOL.....and isn't Myrl a character :-) Humor works for me as well.
Marchel, there's a lot of great advice in this post. I never thought about the smile too much thing. Hmmm.
Marchel, I really like Myrl's story! How funny.
I tried to use the 45 degree angle tip yesterday, when I was sitting on a 90 degree angle to this gentleman. Only he was sitting at a 45 degree angle, which placed me directly opposite him when I did that!
And I noticed that my hands were gesturing, uncontrollably...I was nervous. And several times I caught myself agreeing with him, and using my index finger to indicate that he was right. I just couldn't help myself. It was tragic, although the meeting went well. I'll know on Friday just how well it went. (There's no spell checker above this comment box! How will I know if I've got any words spelled incorrectly?)
Marchel,
I am a smiler too. I think people relax more about happy people...
Ann
Hi Marchel, thank you for the videos - very fun and informative... I'll have pay more attention- I don't think I smile too much, but then I'll check on myself about that-- and I've noticed men do take up a lot of room at the conference table,:-)
I think some of what you have in your post also can apply to men, such as crossing arms.
GAIL, It was an informative lunch. Humor can always help those edgey situations. That was a cute story of Myrl's.
PATRICIA, I had not thought about that smiling thing either but it makes sense.
MARIANNE, I hope you received good news on Friday. By the way when the spell checker is not there and you have already written your comment you can copy your comment then open the comment again and it is usually there. All you have to do is paste your comment and then you can check the spelling. I have also copied over to Word to make sure everything is corrct. My spelling is not as good as it use to be.
ANN, I think overall smiling is not a bad thing.
MARY, I do think I probably smile too much. I will now be more aware.
JIM, I do think there are a number of things in the post that work for men also.
Hi Marchel, I did copy to Word and then pasted back in. I really couldn't have any typos after my last post...LOL.
I didn't get the position I'd apply for. But, if their orders pick up, they say they'll call me.
Again, I had a box without the usual options for bolding, spelling and such. So, I did as you suggested and it worked! Thank you!