1. Decide that the longer your home sits on the market, the more it is worth. Go ahead-raise the price!
2. Be sure and tell ALL prospective buyers or other agents why you are selling. Be sure and tell them how desperate you are, how you are holding two mortgages and that your marriage is breaking up because your home has been on the market for a year and your husband blames you!
3. Be sure and listen to your co-workers, your neighbors, your family who live in NY or DC to set a price on your home. Your agent knows nothing and no information they could provide is better than the people listed above.
4. Be sure and use your tax appraisal to set a price, after all, a tax appraiser who has never been inside your home surely knows more than your agent who has comps and sees competing homes every day.
5. Be sure and pick your best friend to list the home, you know, the one who just got their license a month ago. Surely they know all they need to know. They passed the exam to sell Real Estate and how hard can it be?
6. List your home at a price without any wiggle room. After all I shouldn't have to negotiate. It is a waste of time to do so.
7. Leave food out on the table, make sure things fall out from the closets when they are opened, leave the dog in the house, make sure every light in the basement is burned out and be sure and tell every agent who tries to show the house that it is inconvenient, could they come another day?
8. Trash smells, dog and cat smells, no problem, the purchasers should be able to look beyond all this. I don't have the time to clean up.
9. Be sure if an offer comes in by some miracle, take offense if the offer is low. Refuse to counter. After all these people have hurt my feelings!
10. Be sure and tell your agent that they need to reduce their commission because they are paid too much for what they do and you cando so itso much better!
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THANK YOU!!! I needed a smile today. Great Post!
Norma, this is a wonderful post! You have everything we say, or want to say, included in such a light hearted way.
Sometimes sarcasm works better than being serious!
This is so true- I especially like the one where people haggle over showing times, as if an agent with 5 houses to show can jigger his whole afternoon to accomadate sponge bob or a 21-year old whose Sunday Morning Sleep-in is sacrosanct.
Sometimes the delay makes sense. Most of the time it doesn't. I go over this when I take a listing. I think it is obligation to inform the seller about the facts of life as you see them.
I can't remember the last time I has a seller delay a listing. I tell them in all likely-hood that the looker will NOT be back and this is their one shot. No matter how bad the house looks or what they have going on do not tell my office to delay the showing.