Holiday Cheer, Case #2

The day after Christmas, I receive the following call

Buyer: Hello, could you please show me your listing at 123 Main St?

Me: I can arrange to have an agent show you this property, but are you currently working with an agent?

Buyer: I do not want to use an agent. I want you to write the contract for me. I will tell you the terms. Agents aren't worth the commissions they receive.

Me: I'm sorry, but I do not do dual agency. You will need to find an agent to write the offer up.

Buyer: I will dictate the terms. I just need you to write it up. The seller does not need to know that you wrote it.

Me: That is fraud and I cannot do that. If you're worried about the commission, why don't you find a discount agent to write it up.

Buyer: I'll go to Redfin!

Me: That is fine. I do not care who writes up the offer. I just told you I cannot do it myself. Redfin, by the way, charges one and a half percent and has a minimum amount they need to make.

Buyer: I know that... You just don't want to leave nice cozy Bellevue.

Me: No. I cannot write contracts for buyers for my own properties. It is in your own best interest to find someone to represent you.

Buyer: It's not worth it to pay any commission for just filling in the blanks on a piece of paper for what I tell you!

At this point I proceeded to lecture him on all the work it takes to actually close a property these days. Unfortunately it was wasted breath as he did not hear a word I said. I honestly do not care who writes up the contract for him. I do not do dual agency and even if I wanted to this particular seller forbids me from doing so.

From his perspective, this is one example where you can argue that ignorance is bliss.