bonnie Joffe

Should the buyer be pressured to purchase a home that looks to be a MONEY PIT after a home inspection? At what point should the seller and seller’s agent just allow the buyers to walk? What if the seller responds that they will fix the problems with “their” contractors? Ahh… such a dilemma! Yes, we are ruled by the laws of our individual states. Being an agent in New Jersey, I know that our laws differ significantly from other states but I am struggling with at what point do we try to keep the deal together and when do we say, Run and don’t look back! I just came out of a deal whereby the buyers wanted to void the sale as soon as the home inspection was completed. (I represented the buyer) The home had water, roof, deck, fireplace problems and potential foundation issues. And this was not all of it. Seller claims they had no money during negotiations, but was ready to “fix” the problems for closing. The buyer then worries as to what type of contractors will be called in to make the repairs. The buyers did do their part on sending a letter requesting for repairs; knowing they wanted out which, was by the way, made clear to the seller's and seller's agent from the get-go. PROBLEM-The sellers kept skirting the issues on some of the requests. This deal was becoming a nightmare in the making. Buyer wants out, Seller says they will repair, etc. but does not fully address some of the issues. Buyer continues to ask for release. Not yet! Buyers and myself for that matter felt as though they were being bamboozled into a house they absolutely DID NOT WANT! Of course, we should do our best to help remedy the problems and try to get the deal to close, but we also have a fiduciary duty to our client. So, I ask, how do we continue to represent our client when in our professional experience when we know that this home is a MONEY PIT?

Is my life really an open book?

After much thought about this, I decided- NOT!

I have entered into a time in my life where many changes are taking place on many levels. As a daughter, sister, mother, wife and business woman, I almost feel that its my "duty" to create awareness to those around me and the world at large of the challenges that I and many other Baby Boomers face on a regular basis. The Baby Boomer generation has also taken on a new role which is being called the Sandwich Generation; taking care not only of our children at home, but also taking on the responsibility of aging parents.

Let me just say... Living it is not the same as observing it! Until now, I have been an observer. Listening to some of my friends speak of the challenges they have with their aging parents. I would, of course, shake my head in acknowledgement and understanding. Little did I know what was and is ahead of me. As I continue to fulfill my duties and responsibilities of a mother, I now need and want to watch over my aging parents.

As many of you have seen, I have been posting "events" and traumas that have been taking place with my own aging parents. As an example: My mom, who is a pretty decent driver, lost control of her car and ended up by crashing her car into the side of a restaurant. Thank goodness she wasn't hurt! It was a sobering experience for her as it was for the rest of us.

Be prepared for the unexpected. Be prepared to be racing to their rescue when least expected.

I am not trying to expose their life or mine like a reality show! But rather, it is my goal to create awareness of the unforeseen challenges that can come our way as being Baby Boomer children of aging parents.

How does one define the "Sandwich Generation"?

The formal term is defined as follows: The Sandwich Generation describes those who provide care for both their dependent children and their parents.

AARP has indicated that 44% of 44-45 year olds have at least one living parent and at least one child who is under the age of 21. As life expectancy increases, the number of Baby Boomers who have elderly parents will grow by leaps and bounds.

How does this affect the Baby Boomer generation? Quite simply: It increases the level of stress for the Sandwich Generation as they try to balance the needs of children living at home and the needs of their aging parent(s).

It makes it even more complicated as the Sandwich Generation tends to live far away from the aging parent . This can make decision making much more complicated.

It is important for me to note here, that I just moved my parents from a different part of the country to be close to me here in South Jersey. I felt they needed to be close by as the physical issues were becoming a daily challenge for them.

I now consider myself a member of the Sandwich Generation. With 4 children, 3 under the age of 21, and two aging parents, aged 75 and 80, the amount of time now spent on assisting them and caring for my own family has become a balancing act for me. Don't get me wrong... It is my pleasure to be able to assist them. I wouldn't have it any other way. I will say, however, between children and family, work, daily "stuff" and now the responsibility of helping my parents, my time management skills are being put to good use!

So you may be asking- "So what now? In my humble but experienced opinion- I would recommend the following:

1) Make sure you are on the same page as your siblings when deciding on how to care for your aging parents.

2) If your parents live far away, opening up a conversation with them regarding a move closer to you or one of your siblings, would be a wise choice. (After going through this- when something serious happens, you dont want them to figure it out on their own!)

3) If they are going to move closer to you or one of your siblings, determine who will be helping them with the real estate decisions. This alone can create huge anxiety!!

4) Determine who will assist in their finances. As they age, it becomes more difficult to understand the monetary changes that can happen. It is critical that they have an advocate such as yourself or another close family member.

5) If you visit www.theupsidetodownsizing.com you will find more detailed guidelines on whether its time for your parents to move and the steps you may need to take.

Helping your aging parents to put a plan in place before there is a traumatic event will help you to stay a happy "Sandwich Generation" member!!

The Senior Stumble is no joke!

My mother, as you may guess, is an aging senior, who just recently relocated from Florida to south jersey to be close to me. This relocation to South Jersey did not come soon enough.

Let me just preface by saying that my mother has always had the propensity to fall. Just like her mother. and guess what? I am not too far behind. Pretty scary for being a YOUNG babyboomer!

So the story goes- my 75 year old mother, who is physically fit I might add, was out for her morning walk 2 days ago when the pavement met with her head. A raised sidewalk was not expected, and down she went. Who would think that a 1/2" raise in the side would create such havoc. www.cooperheatlh.org/cni

Fortunately, she didn't lose consciousness and was able to contact my dad, who in turn called me. We met at Virtua Hospital Voorhees, www.virtua.org. where they took her in immediately did some scans and found that she had a frontal lobe brain bleed. (I think that is the terminology!). Hence, transferred to Cooper Trauma. - www.cooperhealth.org/content/traumacenter.htm which by the way, is an amazing place!!!

Brain bleed, 4 stitches to her forehead, softball size lump, broken nose and painful back! The back is a problem because of a bike fall last year in Florida prior to her relocation here.

My father, was so upset, he could barely function. Although I knew my mother was going to be okay, my father just couldn't get it together. The confusion he was experiencing was quite upsetting. I finally realized that when you are a senior of 80 years old, and your spouse of 54 years who is in this kind of injured condition, all the mortality issues come to the forefront. This is one of the main reasons that I am so happy that they left Florida and moved here to South Jersey allowing me to oversee these types of incidents. Those of you out there who have senior parents must be able to relate to this.

I realize I am the "Sandwich Generation" in which I must look after my teens and my aging parents.

But let me tell you- I wouldn't have it any other way. The timing couldn't have been better. Thanks goodness South Jersey have wonderful,attentive hospitals.

A Senior Stumble is no joke!

Ah... The Tales of Yore!

I just love listening to my dad tell stories of the past. The experiences he had and the events that shaped his life is just so interesting to me. Being the gregarious individual that he is, it seems that just about EVERYONE is enamored by his stories. As an aging senior, 80 years to be exact- I often think to myself, how much longer will he be around to tell his wonderful Tales of Yore! Sitting around the dinner table last night for Father's Day, dad was telling other family members how he ended up in veterinary school all the way down in Georgia; given the fact he was a Massachusetts guy. After my almost 50 years of being his daughter- I never heard this story! I can only imagine the ones I still haven't heard.

As a daughter of an aging senior, my thoughts keep going back to why not videotape these great stories? Someday, my parents will not be around to tell them, so why not document them while they are alive and still have their memories intact? What a wonderful legacy for our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. My uncle did this with my grandparents, who of course, have passed on, but it was a great way for us to all look a back,reminisce, see their faces and hear their voices.

http://genealogy.about.com/od/oral_history/Oral_Histories_Interviewing_Relatives_and_Collecting_Oral_History.htm

So as this daughter of aging seniors- I am going to make it my business to get the key stories recorded on video. Anyone care to join me?