Eduardo Alvear - Albert Lea Coldwell Banker Home Connection

People never cease to amaze me.

I think most of us will try to impress other people if we have a chance. I've worn my nicest suit to a closing. I've ordered the most expensive meal on the menu. I even act chivalrous to impress the ladies.

But I've never smoked a pipe.

I was made aware of a young agent in our area that was smoking a pipe in public. An agent not yet of drinking age was smoking a pipe. I thought smoking pipes went out in the early 1900's.

Was he trying to be cool or eccentric? Rule number one, eccentricity comes with age. If you try to be eccentric at 19, you are just weird.

I have an old truck that I rarely drive. It's a 1991 GMC with 260,000 miles. I call it my redneck truck. My wife calls it Bubba. Most of my friends refer to it as "Rusty but Trusty." I didn't pay much for it. In fact, I probably double it's value everytime I fill it up with gas.

About a week ago I decided to drive it around instead of my coupe. I was staying in town and did not have to worry too much about getting betweewn 8 and 12 miles per gallon. I invited my wife to lunch at a nice little cafe here in the city. We had a nice quiet lunch together but when I got back to my truck, someone had defaced it. Someone decided to discard their lasanga into the back of my truck. I wasn't angry, in fact it was quite funny.

It wasn't only lasanga, there was some penne pasta and meatballs.

Now my question is, would you consider it vandalism? what course should I have taken? I didn't report it to the owners of the cafe, or to the police. I'm still hoping that my neighbors dog will jump into the back and wolf it down.

I enjoy watching college football during "bowl season". I was watching the beatdown Florida State University put on the University of Wisconsin in the Champs Bowl. In the middle of the second quarter Brad Nessler says, "Let's send it down to Legendary Pitchman Billy Mays...." Then next thing you know, Billy Mays is pitching ESPN 360. I came this close to signing up. Billy Mays is into everything!

Once you've heard Billy Mays, you can never forget him. He's tried to sell me everything from the Awesome Auger to Oxi-clean to the Handy Switch to that thing you can use on your stove to make sliders. I even saw him pitching health insurance once. The thing about Billy is that he is very excited about everything. I mean everything. Just check him out....I'm sure he could sell sand in the desert.

http://www.billymays.tv/

What if I was over-the-top when I showed a house? What if I yelled at the top of my lungs to future client? I wonder if I would get the same reaction that Billy does.

Strange question, eh? The other day I was in front of a group of people with my fly down. Pretty embarrassing. I thought no one noticed since no one brought it to my attention. Later that morning I casually brought it up in conversation to someone in the group that had seen me. I said, "My fly was down but it's a good thing no one noticed."... She told me that she noticed but was to embarrassed to tell me. I think it was much more embarrassing for me. Would a real friend not be so afraid? Have you ever done something like that? Maybe have a piece if broccoli in your teeth or something dangling from your nose and not find out until looking in the mirror some time later.

Sometimes I think I'll wear my fly down or eat broccoli just to see who my real friends are....

About a month ago went camping. I was away from a razor for about a week and I grew a nice template for a beard. It was filling in pretty good but sadly it started to itch and I did not need another place to scratch. So I shaved it off.

Last Saturday my friends, Sam and Abe, and I thought it would be cool to all grow moustaches. We would do it as a form of solidarity to bring up morale and discourage the terrorists. We thought it would give people something to talk about now that the elections are over. I could easily grow one, I had one in high school, just like Pedro Sanchez. But I have been without one for more than 15 years.

Well, I told my colleague, Kisti, about the plan and she told me, point blank, that the only person in the world that should be allowed to grow a moustache is Tom Selleck. I agree that he is quite smashing with his facial hair.

So undaunted, I approached my wife 2 nights later and start to unravel my plan of growing a soup strainer when halfway through my story she says something to the effect, "Ed, you're not Magnum".

Funny thing is that Kisti and my wife, Ivy, did not talk to each other before giving me that pearl of wisdom. I think I know why they said what they said. You have to earn the right to wear a moustache. It is not something to take lightly either. But ultimately, if you want to sport a moustache it also helps if you drive a Ferrari.