GEORGE LUCK

I'm an old fashioned kind of guy. I prefer C.D.'s to MP3's ( in fact I have still to download any music over the net!). I miss my Vic-20. I like older computers because their slower speed provides a pace that is some somehow just more comforting. I still marvel when I can take a little plastic box, push some buttons and make the television change channels! It's a man thing. I can control the television with a push of a button. My will is law !

So, here in the Home Inspection world, along comes the newest tool for investigation; the Infra Red imaging camera. This camera allows the inspector to take pictures that reveal the relative temperatures of surfaces in view. So, the inspector can produce a collection of pictures that show areas of possible heat loss. From this information the inspector can draw conclusions about what is going on behind walls, around windows, foundations, roofs etc etc. It provides a 'view' of what was previously hidden and allows the inspector to 'see' where he previously couldn't.

But here is the problem. Home inspectors carry out what is known as a 'visual inspection'. That means that the inspector can only report on conditions he can observe. Any defect that is not directly observable ( visible ) cannot be reported. When you think of it, that makes sense as reporting on any area that cannot be seen is a guess at best.

One would think that the I.R. camera neatly circumvents this problem by providing a view of the hidden area so that the inspector can now report on any faults found there. But ( and you knew that was coming!) there is a school of thought, especially amongst lawyers that the I.R. camera opens the inspector to all kinds of grief because he is now reporting conclusions based on an effect rather than an observed fact. That is, the camera has detected the effect ( cooler / hotter ) that has been caused by SOMETHING behind the now famous wall, rather than a fact ( the wall is wet ) It is a slippery slope. If the inspector is able to draw conclusions from a detected effect then why didn't this new second site detect . . . . . . . ?

I'm an old fashioned kind of guy and I am weighing the pros and cons of this new I.R. technology In the mean time I have to go and assert my dominance over the television

He has a television programme.

He has a huge marketing machine.

He is a self promoter the like of which we haven't seen since the last election.

He has railed for years about home inspectors and their complete lack of competence without evidence or the chance of rebuttal. ( he has been challenged to an "inspect-off" by a Canadian Home Inspector organization, but has refused )

He is Canada's walking talking ( well OK yelling!) expert on everything that has to do with houses; Mike Holmes. And now he is starting both a television show about home inspectors and their multiple sins and at the same time establishing a home inspection franchise system. Despite years of demonstrating that he knows next to nothing about inspecting homes, he is now, in his mind, engaged in reforming the industry. It's brilliant really. A media machine, with a television show or two, feeding clients who hang on his every word, into his home inspection franchises.

I wish I had thought of it first!

However there are a few things that Holmes doesn't seem to understand about home inspections;

1 - An inspector cannot punch holes in walls to see what is going on behind them.

2 - An inspector cannot walk through a house making snap judgments and jumping to quick conclusions

3 - An inspector uses a completely different skill set than a contractor to diagnose problems.

4 - An inspector operates under a recognized Standards of Practice.

5 - An inspector operates under a recognized Code of Ethics.

It will be interesting to see how the "Holmes Inspector" does all of the above and still lives up to the usual "Mike Holmes" hype. And we can be sure that with his new television show providing the ill informed with hyperbole aimed at feeding them into the maw his new home inspection franchises, it is going to be an interesting year.

We have all been plagued from time to time by telephone sales calls. "Do you want a great deal on carpet cleaning?,or " Do you want a great deal on window cleaning?" or " Do you want a great deal on curtain cleaning?" or "woolen rugs" or , or, or, ( why is it that nobody ever calls and offers to clean the kitty litter?).

At any rate, I, over the years, had worked out a fool proof plan that deflected the calls without insulting or hurting anyone's feelings ( well this is Canada and we must be polite) So over the years, I had convinced all sales agents that my Wife and I lived in a house with no carpets, no windows, no curtains, no woolen rugs, etc, etc, etc. In fact we lived in a cardboard box with a telephone. It was a perfect cover!

But then technology changed and the calls became automated. You know the ones. The phone rings, there is a two second silence and the prerecorded message starts. There was no protection against the computerized caller. Every time the phone rang, we waited for the dreaded two second delay and whammo-blammo we were caught again.

Well in Canada we now have our own "do not call" list. Works pretty well at keeping those Canadian call centres from bugging us, except . . . . . . . . Except that apparently Americans can access the list so now we are receiving calls from American call centres. And don't think that at least we still have that two second delay to forewarn us of an impending sales pitch.

No, the latest development in the technologic war to invade every crevice of our private lives has been developed by a Cruise line. Yes, sometime over the last year, in a smoke filled room, packed with Captains, stewards, members of the 'black gang' ( engine room technicians), board room 'yes men' and at least three entertainers singing "Ain't we got fun!" came up with the most insidious idea. The A-bomb of sales call techniques; the prerecorded FOG HORN BLAAAAAAAAAT! which precedes the sales pitch so that you can no longer enjoy the two second warning.

So here is what you can expect - RING RING RING - "HELLO?" - BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! If you are on a roof - BLAAAAAAAAAT! If you are in a crawl space - BLAAAAAAAAAAT! You are never safe from the dreaded FOG HORN. It is supposed to make you want to take a cruise on one of their boats. It makes me want to sink one!

The problem with home inspections is that it is too easy to chase a purchaser away over even minor discoveries.

The wrong word. The wrong phrase. A misinterpreted glance. The tone of voice.

A purchaser is like a deer. In the woods a snap of a twig, the crunch of leaves, anything can spook him. And so it is with the home inspection. I have heard stories of purchasers spooked out of a perfectly good home over a dripping tap or a non-functional G.F.C.I. outlet. And it was all because of the way the information was presented by the inspector. It is called perspective. Perspective allows the inspector to present his findings in a manner that informs the purchaser without alarming him.

Asbestos, poly-b pipe, eureaformaldihide insulation, vermiculite and so many more can legitimately kill a home purchase even when found in minor amounts. But even major 'infestations' when presented in perspective and with reasonable solutions do not have to doom a purchase.

The problem with home inspections is that it is too easy to chase a purchaser away over even minor discoveries. And completely unnecessary.

I am tired of hearing how bad the market is.

I am tired of hearing how bad it is going to get.

I am tired of hearing that there is going to be a huge 'fall out' of agents over the next year.

I am tired of hearing that there is going to be a huge 'fall out' of home inspectors over the next year.

I am tired of reading in the Toronto Star and the Sub Standard that we are headed down the economic toilet.

I am tired.

You know Goebels ( Hitler's P.R. flack) taught us one lesson. If you say something long enough and loud enough people will believe you. And now, true or not, that is all we hear on the TV news, in the papers even in meetings and lunches. This is just making a bad situation worse. It's called a self fulfilling prophesy and all that is happening is that the people who are already scared ar now terrified.

Of course, now that the regime has changed in Washington we can expect to see all that talk moderate. And in Canada, we can expect the press to redouble it's efforts to paint the economy in as bad a condition as possible to aid the Liberals in their quest for power.

Jaded. I know.