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Helen Johnson

An address can be just as important as the house itself.

I saw an article the other day about how a town changed the name of a street because the street name was causing problems for the residents. Deliveries were not being made, and there were numerous indecent exposures going on at all times of day. No, don't worry, we at Homes for Heroes have not run into any problems. So that must have you asking yourselves, how could a street name cause that much grief? Is it a new road? Nope. That would be too easy. Such as "Ruby Tuesday Dr." named after one of the Rolling Stones songs. But in that case the major issues would be sign stealing or a mob of people waiting to take a picture next to the sign.

Something I should clarify. This street inhabits a portion of ground in an English speaking country. We have all seen the web photos of some tourist in front of a non-english speaking country sign that is funny if taken in English. This instance does not fit that category. The street sign is in plain english. So again, you should be either very frustrated and yelling, just get to it, or preferably, you should be asking yourself what in tarnations would cause the residents of a street to petition the city council to have the street renamed, wiping out hundreds of years of history?

Well you could live on Butt Hole Road. Yup. Delivery services don't believe the address so they just throw your packages to the undeliverable pile. Order a pizza for delivery, you get hung up on when they ask for your address. Some mornings as you head to your car, you might find several people mooning for a shot next to the notorious sign. Mmm, and just after breakfast. Think of the kids that get in trouble with their teacher. "Young Master Tom, can you tell me your address?" "Why yes, Miss Turing. It is 14 Butt Hole Road." "To the office with you, I'll not have any of that language in my classroom!!"

It might seem charming at first.....

It might seem charming at first.....

Butt Hole Road is now Archer Way. I keep trying to come up with something equally sinister for Archer Way as Butt Hole but I get squat. I suppose some would think living on Butt Hole Road is better than living in Crapstone, England or in Penistone (pronounced PENNUS tun). But any of those on an employment application could put you right into the circular file. Titty Ho, England however, might get a second glance, depending on which gender is reviewing your resume. I did some research into Butt Hole Road and first found something on Webster.com. It provides the following definition for the word butt.

butt
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English, from Anglo-French but, bout, from Old Occitan
bota, from Late Latin buttis
Date:
14th century
1: a large cask especially for wine, beer, or water 2: any of various
units of liquid capacity ; especially : a measure equal to 108 imperial
gallons (491 liters)

So could that be the simple answer? The road served as a watering hole for the village of Conisbrough, South Yorkshire, England all those centuries ago? A little more digging and I find something equally as plausible. Around the same time in the 1300's a butt was also an embankment to catch arrows and "missles" as they flew at you. A road traveling through this embankment could very easily have been called the butt hole. The word Butt was not associated with our portable seat cushion until well after the road was named. An old 14th century battle manual also mentions that when learning to shoot your bow and arrow you should start by "shooting at the butt". Once you can hit the target you can then move to harder targets in the field. They also give hints on how to shoot the arrows from between your legs. I apologize for those last several sentences were really hard to get through without conjuring up all sorts of puns.

So modern mans use of the English language has changed over history and when you are looking to purchase a home there are two major things you need to take away from this article.

Most important is to get a hold of Homes for Heroes. They will save you a good amount of money when purchasing as well as selling a home.

And almost as equally important, is pay attention to the address. You may love the house, as I am sure all the inhabitants of Butt Hole Road did, but they found out with much frustration that living on historic Butt Hole Road is a lonely place. And you will be proud of how I refrained from the several hundred puns I could have used.

I am running out of space. My boss has limited me to 15 inches of text, not including pictures. But I did want to tell you about a story I heard today regarding the valiant and brave Marines of 2/5 in Afghanistan. I guess it will

Two things to ponder. Traffic laws and old age.

Have you ever been sitting in the office, amongst the acres of cubicles, and hear some one laughing? I did the other day at Homes for Heroes. What is it about us humans that has to find out what the laughing is about? If I had heard just normal talking I would not have given it a second thought. So I get up and hunt down the source of the laughing. I see my boss and my other boss standing by the water cooler having a chat. I ask them what was so funny. They looked at me and said nothing.

Being a Ninja prepares you for these moments. That awkward silence is easily handled. I let my eyes fill up with tears and ran away. Later I regrouped and did some stealthy sniffing around to find out what had them chuckling like old busy bodies. I was successful and I will share that information with you now.

donknotts2A Police Officer was out patrolling one fine afternoon and witnessed a young driver that had just rolled through a stop sign. The Officer proceeded to pull him over and when he approached the vehicle he asks the young driver why he was pulled over.

“I don’t know.”

“Young man, you did not come to a complete stop at that stop sign.”

“I did too!”

“No, you did what we call a roll through. You slowed down but did not stop.

“Yeah, well what’s the big deal, slowing down is the same thing.”

“Please step out of the car, sir.”

As soon as the young kid gets out of the car, the Police Officer pulls out his baton and starts to mercilessly beat the snot out of him. As the kid is falling to the ground in agony the Police Officer asks him.

“Should I stop or just slow down?”

An interesting perspective. The next tidbit is just as telling. Read on you won’t be disappointed.

elderly-coupleAn elderly couple had just retired and were looking forward to a lot of travel and relaxation. They decided that with the new life style change they should see the doctor for a physical check up. They made their appointments and showed up at the set date. After the check up the doctor came in to give them the results.

“Well folks, you guys are both physically fit and really have nothing that I see to be alarmed about. Enjoy your retirement. However, your memory is not as it used to be and that is normal. I suggest that the two of you carry around a small notepad and pencil and jot what you are going to do so you won’t forget.”

That same evening the two were watching television. The husband decides it is time to have a beer and gets up to go get it.

“Hon, I am going to get myself a beer, is there anything I can get you?”

“Oh, thank you. I think I would like a bowl of ice cream.”

“Sure thing, dear.” He starts towards the kitchen.

“Honey, don’t you think you should write that down like the doctor told us?”

“Naw, it’s just a bowl of ice cream and a beer. I think I can handle that.”

“Vanilla ice cream.”

Okay, one bowl of vanilla ice cream and a beer.”

“Well I would like strawberry topping on it too.”

“Hmm, one bowl of vanilla ice cream with strawberry topping and a beer. Easy.”

“And don’t forget the whipped cream!”

“Is there anything else?”

“No. Thank you dear.”

“A bowl of vanilla ice cream with strawberry topping and whip cream and for myself a nice cold beer. You see nothing to worry about.”

The husband heads off to the kitchen and is gone for a half an hour. When he returns he sits down in his chair with a plate of scrambled eggs and a cup of orange juice.

As he starts to eat, the wife gives him a disgusted look and says to him.

“WHERE’S MY &#@*ING TOAST?!?!

Military Appreciation Night with the St. Paul Saints

Join us Tuesday 7.00 PM May 19th at Midway Stadium for Military Appreciation Night with the St. Paul Saints! This year we added a raffle, come and join us for a great night of baseball & fun. Sponsored by ausa

Realtor Sees Face of Jesus in a Leaf

Though other agents in her office saw John Lennon or Bob Marley, realtor Mimi DiMauro saw the face of Jesus in a small maple leaf she found while raking her lawn. See article» <!-- //-->
http://www.morningsun.net

Florida fonecall fuses fast financing flury!

Homes for Heroes is always pursuing ways to save our Heroes money. I have a good example of that below. Read on and save some money.

Today sitting in the Homes for Heroes office, as I often do, I was looking out the window, as I often do, wondering, as I often do, what could I do to get out of the office and into the blustery outdoors. My boss usually wants me to work but a Ninja must spend time with nature to keep his skills finely tuned. The drone of keyboards clacking and people talking on the phone can keep a Ninjas mind from remaining focused on the task at hand. That task at hand was figuring a way out for some simple Ninja exercises.

Ninjas do their best work outdoors.

Ninjas do their best work outdoors.

I had tried everything from Ninja hypnosis to ancient Ninja mind control powders. Nothing was working, each attempt to get my boss to drink a fresh cup of coffee or a bottle of water was met with a “I have my own, thank you.” I resigned myself to indoor exercises. I started to focus on various people in the office, listening to what they say, blocking out all other intrusions. This was working until one young lady put down the phone and started to frantically hack away at her keyboard. This intrigued me and I wandered over to see what was up.

Before I even reached her desk, Kacy was telling me that Florida has some great first time buyer programs. Now this was weird. Normally I move through the office so quietly now one knows I have moved until I am at their desk. But it was soon forgotten as to how Kacy knew I was there, she was pulling up some very good information on some of Florida’s housing assistance programs.

Florida Housing’s First Time Homebuyer Program provides a continuous stream of lending throughout the year for eligible first-time homebuyers. If you’re not a first-time home buyer, you may still be eligible if you’re purchasing a home in one of 13 GO Zone counties that include Brevard, Broward, Collier, Glades, Hendry, Indian River, Lee, Martin, Miami-Dade, Monroe, Okeechobee, Palm Beach and St. Lucie.

Here are some of the program highlights. She was scanning so fast it was hard to keep up. When she is on the trail of savings, all I can say is, step back and let her get you those savings.

The program offers low-interest 30 and 40 year fixed-rate loans, down payment and closing costs assistance as well as access to credit counseling.

Teachers, firefighters, health-care workers, police officers, as well as active duty and veteran military personnel could be eligible for lower interest rates.

These savings from Florida as well as the Homes for Heroes savings can pile up to a whole lot of dough. Now I gave you a quick run down, Kacy will know a lot more. You can get a hold of her by calling 1-866 4-heroes orrrrrr send her a message through the Homes for Heroes website. Either way you will save some money and get some good deals on buying that home of yours.