John Valis

Our Plainview office now with over 650 agents and growing!

Agents if you want to learn how to earn 100% commission give me a call I will be happy to share my experience at Charles Rutenberg Realty and answer any questions you have!

John Valis Licensed Associate Broker

(917) 417-7985

A Harley rider is passing the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to eat her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing saw a man do in my whole life."

The biker replies, "Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."

The reporter says, " I'm a journalist from the New York Times, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?"

The biker replies, "I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican."

The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on front page:

" U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

Best Deal in TOWN:
One Sunday afternoon a couple sees an ad in the paper. They can't believe their eyes. There is a house in the paper for $1000 that is in the nicest part of town. We are talking about a Highland Park mansion for $1000. They think this has to be a misprint, but decide to call anyway.
They say to lady who answers we saw your ad, and realize it is a misprint correct. She tells them no it's not & you are actually the first ones to call.
They decide to go look at the house. They race over as fast as they can. They pull up to the most beautiful house on the block. In front of the house is a fountain that cost at least $30,000. They ring the door bell & the lady answers. She starts showing them the house. They realize this house is over 5000 sq ft and it is obvious that expense was not a problem in building this house. The house had marble imported from Italy & a chandelier imported from France. The landscaping was breath taking & the house had a great pool & a nice tennis court.
The couple said to the lady this is the most beautiful house we have ever seen, what's the catch? The lady assured the couple there was no catch. The couple wanted the house for $1,000 but was leery of doing the deal. Finally the lady said you seem like a nice couple, so I'll let you know the truth.
She told them this house is completely paid for, and not a penny is owed against it. Well, last week I got a call from my Husband. He informed me he is leaving me for his secretary. He then told me I could have everything we own as long as he could have the proceeds off the sale of the house. I agreed and he asked me if I could sell the house while he & his new girlfriend hung out in the Caribbean?
HOUSE SOLD.

A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.

"That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?"

"Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat."

If only banks would start lending money again, that the only drawback, then you always read an aritcle by genious economists that prices are still dropping. I feel that prices are very low now, with this large inventory, I believe it the best time to buy for quailifed buyers.