Pablo Santibanez

Communication

One of the biggest challenges I face in all my relationships can be summed up in one word "communication" or the lack thereof. I was raised as many men are, to suck it up don't show your feelings, never let them see you sweat. I am masterful at this, so my family says. I am mostly cool, calm, and collective when confronted with situations to the point that they say I can be cano tonic like, emotionless, "out there" is a term used from time to time. I guess part of it can be traced back to all the many John Wayne and Clint Eastwood movies I watched growing up as a kid although I never uttered "go ahead punk make my day" to my kids. I do however have the occasional blow up and Nuclear meltdown which is not the ideal and recommended way to deal with matters of communication but hey I'm human.

One of the biggest breakthroughs I discovered was with my teen daughters. When we talk, I have a tendency to begin fixing the problem before they are even done finishing whatever they are talking about. "See Dad that is why I don't like talking to you, you never let me finish" So the first step was just sitting there and listening to them no matter how bad I wanted to jump in and fix the situation. The second was to not judge and reprimand them even though I did not like what I was hearing but to guide them thru those issues that come up. The third was just communicating in general. Our conversations generally would start with "how was school?" "alright" "what did you learn about today" " you know, stuff" "Well what kind of stuff" "Why are you asking me all these questions dad" and then it would go south from there. The only other occasions we would really communicate was on our way out to see my brother and sister in laws in Buellton Ca. It's a two hour drive from Santa Clarita and in between Ipod Jam sessions I would have these really meaningful conversations on a variety of different topics mostly boys and why we (parents) were put on earth to ruin all there fun. But we also discussed a lot of other topics and I learned more about my girls on these trips more than in all other ways combined I tried to relate and communicate with them. I enjoyed taking these road trips primarily for that very reason, But you can only visit family so often. What can I do in the meantime? I don't remember how but I am sure there was help from a higher source. I came across this game http://www.thecommunicationgame.com/index.htmland I was intrigued I had to get it what harm could it do? Who knows this could be just another tool to help me in this communication challenge Well the day came when I decided to break the game out and see what would happen. My wife was taking our youngest out of town and leaving me with my teen daughters over the weekend. I later found out my girls were horrified at the thought of being home with Dad "it's going to be sooo boring" Dad just sits at the computer all day he doesn't like going to the mall or shopping etc...." What are we going to do? You can't leave us here with him." My wife just laughed "have fun" as they both (my daughters)held on to her legs dragging as she walked to her car to leave" Don't leave us here.... (I'm exaggerating of course) but it was pretty close.

So the next morning I woke my girls up and said "get ready we are going to the mall"

"What? I really thought for a moment you said we were going to the mall" "We are" I said, "Are you feeling O.K.?" "Feeling great let's go" So we had been in the mall for a little over an hour when my middle daughter asked "Dad can we get something to eat?" "Sure how bout Red Robin" I said, O.K. but I have to go get this game from the car I wanted to play with you guys." No, that's okay Dad we can play another day" No I'll be right back" No really Dad let's play next time!! I later learned that my oldest was envisioning this whole board game in this restaurant and how uncool that would be and what if one of her friends saw her there playing this board game!, she was mortified, she wanted to die of embarrassment but when I showed up with these cards her reluctance dropped and she was willing to give it a shot. Well we played for over an hour and I cannot recall laughing so hard and really getting to know my daughters during that time. There is not much to learn to play this game, basically reading open ended question cards that deliberately require a thought out response. The game was a total hit and I would recommend it to any dad who is searching for ways to improve the communication between them and their teens. I cannot guarantee the same outcome but it is worth a shot to try. That day will be one of those moments I will treasure forever one of those rare moments I shined as a father. One of the greatest investments I made in my daughters and I relationship was that time together and the playing of this game. A deposit in that emotional bank account that needs more of my interest. My hope this year and every year is that we all take a moment to invest in communication. The investment is priceless.

All thoughts, opinions expressed are strictly my own and do not reflect those of the entities I represent.

All Rights Reserved www.pablosantibanez.com Copyright 2010

(Part 1) of this series.

I don't know if Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, or Donald Trump are even aware of this investment. I hope they invested heavily here while they created their Empires. We all want to make a difference, we all want to have something to show for our efforts. We all want to be remembered for our accomplishments and contributions to this world. Would you like to be remembered for being here.

I will reveal just one of a handful of investments I recently made which has produced me and my family an unprecedented return on investment. The compounded interest alone is tremendous! This one investment has provided me with the greatest source of wealth I could ever imagine. Would you like to learn how to invest properly to be rich? Sounds like a scam right? No I won't be selling you CD's, or coaching or any other product. I will share this absolutely free, in fact not only will you become rich as a result, but you can enrich others by sharing this one investment secret with those you know and love. Your getting in on the ground floor and this small investment, If you invest today, will pay back dividends you never dreamed of. Don't take a risk of not getting in now before it's too late! A small handful of investors revealed to me in confidence that they had wished they had invested in this early in their lives and they shared with me a secret that I am going to reveal to you but you must take action you must have faith in what I share with you. This investment will change your life for the better it is 100% guaranteed. There is risk involved though, but those that take risks get the highest returns!

But before I reveal the source of my greatest wealth I would like you to do an exercise to reveal what kind of an investor you are? Aggressive, conservative, or passive? Write down all of those things that are most important to you then put them down in order.

(Go get a piece of paper and take 15 minutes to write this all down)

Once you have completed this exercise then continue on. Don't look or read beyond this point in fact cover it with a piece of paper or hand until your done.,

Lets compare our lists it should look something like this.

•1) God

•2) Family

•3) Everything else after that

If 1 and 2 are not on the top of the list then you will never create "true wealth" everything else is temporary the first two are the most important. Not just my opinion but it has been written.

Now here is one of the best investments you can make here on earth is (Drum roll please) TIME. Yes it's that simple yet it is the hardest thing for us to do. Build relationships before high rises. Do you realize how many times you say to others (those you love) Can't you see I'm on the phone", "not now I'm busy", or "maybe tomorrow" or "I don't have time for that now" "I'll be there in a minute" and the an hour goes by, etc.... I am guilty as charged, I have said everyone of these not just hundreds but thousands of times! What message am I conveying ? Then I wonder why no one wants to do anything with me when I am available? I have not been nurturing relationships but slowly creating a daily wall of indifference brick by brick day by day that may take years to break down. What is your favorite put off line? What is it your doing that is soooo important you have to put everyone off to do!. It took me 45 years to uncover this secret.

The time I have spent recently with my family as a result of the down economy has been a blessing in disguise. I was initially forced to spend more time with my family, now I willingly seeking it over other investments of my time. You know the saying "stop and smell the roses" or the song from Harry Chapin "Cats in the Cradle" comes to mind. The returns on investment have been HUGE.

I will share one way I have broken the ice with my teens with another investment I am trying to invest more into and that is communication with both my wife and teens. That is in (Part 3) of this series.

(Part 2) One decision in "time" with my teens and how it's payed off so far.

(Part 3) December 5^th 2009 A day I will never forget. How I have invested in Communication with my teens.

All opinions comments and commentary are strictly my own and do not reflect those of the entities I represent.

All Rights Reserved www.pablosantibanez.com Copyright 2009

My wife called the Sheila R. Veloz Breast Imaging Center the other day to schedule her annual Breast Exam. Unbeknownst to her our present insurance carrier did not cover this type of preventive care and so when she was told she would be faced with a $160.00 bill she told the lady on the other line that she didn't realize it would cost that much and would get back with them. Later that day she told me she was holding off from having her breast exam due to the cost. I told her to call back and schedule an appointment anyway and that I would come up with the funds by the time she went in, it was too important.

That afternoon or the following day I am not certain when but I found myself on Facebook and an image came up asking me to be a "friend" or a fan of the Sheila R. Veloz Breast Imaging Center. It rang a bell because I recently gave a ride to an elderly friend of the family there to have her annual breast exam. So I clicked and became a friend/Fan.

Well apparently the Director of the Sheila R Veloz Center Terry Bucknall received my friend request the name rang a bell because of my wife calling earlier and wouldn't you know it she was just notified that they had recently received funds from a fund-raising event specifically for this type of situations and would be able to cover her costs. Divine intervention? They never want cost to be the determining factor in a womans well being.

She notified my wife through Facebook to call her. My wife calls me says what did you put on Facebook the director of the center wants to talk to me says she may be able to help me? "I don't know" I said "I think I became a friend or fan why?" I'll call you later. Well Terry at the center told my wife that her costs were covered and that all she would have to come up with the day of her appointment is the $10.00 co-pay. My wife was blown away. She had recently chastised me for spending too much time on Facebook. I replied "See, has my time been a total waste?" (Between you and me she was right) But don't tell her I said that!! However I have taken measures to manage my time on line since this posting.

But the point is that Facebook, Twitter, etc... is just another way to connect with other people. It does not replace meeting people and interacting physically with them. Those that dismiss these vehicles have valid points however they miss the relationships that are created as a result. Case in point my later meeting with Terry Bucknall while accompanying my wife at her appointment is a direct result of Facebook and reaching out to others. I wanted to meet in person and thank Terry and all those who contribute financially and with there time to this cause. This small act of kindness has instilled in me a wanting to give back to this organization and overall cause. With that said I am coordinating a fund-raising event with the www.thevipcard.com and once approved will launch in November of this year. So stay tuned... because breast cancer awareness is not only in October but year in and year out.

Video of Terry Bucknall Feb 2008

The views, thoughts, and opinions are strictly my own and do not reflect those of the entities I represent.

All Rights Reserved www.pablosantibanez.com Copyright 2009

Do you have a teen driver? Many of us do, my oldest just turned sixteen and is in the process of getting her driver's license. She also shared ironically how some of her friends had been drinking the night before and it was a wake up call for me to not only make this a teachable moment for her and I, but also with other parents like you. Now I know your "precious" would never be involved in any of these activities however in the event they slip up here are some valuable resources and unfortunately lessons we all need to take a moment and reflect on. I came a cross a few resources today and was reminded of some others in the past that I would like to share with you.

I attended the National Teen Driving Safety Fair being held here in Santa Clarita at Central Park today sponsored by the city of Santa Clarita, Safe rides for teens, The Auto Club, Fire, and Sheriff departments.

Safe rides for teens had a booth and I would recommend you have your teen put their number on their cell phone in the event they are ever faced with having to get home and their only option available is having to drive home with an intoxicated teen driver 661-259-6330 Their website is www.scvsaferides.com/

I saw this resourceful sign on a parents car.

On a more somber note there are the physical reminders of the decisions and outcomes of those decisions as well as the final outcomes. Please take a few minutes to learn "Know more" about the Youth Grove in Central Park.

I love my kids and their friends and I am certain that you do too. Take the time to go over these resources and share them with your teen and make the vow to "Know More".

"Know More".

"Our children are our most precious gifts.

They are sons and daughters, sisters, and brothers, loved ones and friends.

Vow today that...

No more will lose their lives because we drive too fast.

No more will die because we drive under the influence.

No more will perish because we lapse in attention for just one moment.

No more will be lost because reckless acts on the road.

Join us in a cry that NO MORE names will be added to this memorial.

No More." - Author Unknown

Additional photos of the event can be found by clicking here

Do you have a family? Not one of the first thoughts that came to mind when I found myself stranded on the side of the 210 freeway the other day. But I was asked that question point blank by a total stranger I just met on the side of the road. So what led up to this chance encounter you might ask or wonder. Well I was driving back from Chino Hills on my way back to Santa Clarita when I began to feel a mild vibration in the car. I began to reason is the road bumpy or is my car out of alignment as the vibration began to get stronger and finally it became quite apparent when my front driver side tire violently disintegrated in a matter of seconds. I was forced to quickly pull over to the side of the freeway to avoid getting into an accident or losing control, but my first thought was ironically not to damage the wheel once the tire went flat.

I now regretted not keeping up my triple A card membership how often do I use that I asked myself the last time it came up for renewal. I rarely use this card (Bad mistake) Oh well, I know how to change a tire so here goes. As I reached into the rear trunk of my car I kept imagining a semi coming up from behind and sandwiching me between the two of them and other similar tragic scenarios. Serves me right for watching all those car chases and car crashing shows on television regularly. So as I began to loosen the nuts on my tire, the cars and notably semi's would woosh by coming within inches of me as I worked away to get this tire off. I would look up from time to time to gauge the drivers but if anyone of them veered off a tad I would be toast no matter what stunt I had envisioned doing over the hood to escape being hit.

Of course the tire nuts were on so tight I was straining to remove them and taking my eyes off of the speeding cars when I look up to find a tow truck parking right behind me. The driver is shaking his head back and forth (like a disappointed father) apparently not very impressed with my roadside tire changing abilities. He motioned me to come to his passenger side door and as I approached and he rolled down his window and asked "Do you have a family?" "Yes" I answered, he replied "want to see them again?" "Of course" I replied, "then I suggest you let me tow you off the freeway somewhere safer to finish changing that tire?" Of course I have to ask "how much is this going to cost" aside from saving my life (he was probably thinking to himself) Nothing, nada, zippo. "Really" I replied "lets roll"

So he in turn tows my car off the freeway and changes the tire for me. While doing so he shared with me what he has seen along the highway and most of it was pretty sad as to how many lives are taken from just a simple act of changing a tire. I have to thank the big guy upstairs for bringing one of his angels to save me from myself that day on the highway. I know now that there is this roadside assistance here in Los Angeles County that I remember reading about a while back, but now know and experienced first hand. All I had to do that day was dial #399 it's a free service funded by the Metropolitan Transit Service. So I guess if you have a family or other reason for living I suggest you give them a call and leave the risk taking to those who know what they are doing. When you see these guys give them a BRAKE will you.

All Rights Reserved www.pablosantibanez.com Copyright 2009