Kenneth Bargers

Aging with Benefits ... A noted sex therapist realized that people often lied about the frequency of their encounters, so he devised a test to tell for certain how often someone has had sex.

To prove his theory, he filled an auditorium with people, and went down the line, asking each person to smile. Using the size of the person's smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately until he came to the last man in line, an elderly gentleman, who was grinning from ear to ear.

"Twice a day," the therapist guessed. But the therapist was surprised when the man says no.

"Once a day, then?" Again the answer is no. "Twice a week?" "No." "Twice a month?" "No." The man finally said yes when the doctor got to "once a year."

The therapist is angry that his theory isn't working, and asks the elderly gentleman, "What the heck are you so happy about?"

The gent answered, "Tonight's the night!"

Remembering Grandpa ... Three elderly gentlemen were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now.

"I would like my grandchildren to say, 'He was successful in business'," declared the first man.

"Fifty years from now," said the second, "I want them to say, 'He was a loyal family man'."

Turning to the third gent, the first gent asked, "So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?"

"Me?" the third man replied. "I want them all to say, "He certainly looks good for his age'!"

We're OK ... Two older Jewish ladies, Sophie and Fran, were shopping one afternoon, and Sophie says to Fran, "Wish me good luck. My son finally met a girl and maybe they will get married - But the only thing my son said is that she has Herpes. What is Herpes?"

Fran says, "I don't know, but I have a medical dictionary at home and I will go home and look it up for you."

The next day the ladies again meet, and Fran says to her friend, "Sophie it's okay. You don't have to worry. It's a disease of the gentiles!"

Old Aunt Cora ... Old Aunt Cora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. "It's terrible," she said to the doctor. "I haven't moved my bowels in more than a week."

"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.

"Oh, yes," Aunt Cora replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a good half of an hour in the morning and then again at night."

"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"

"Of course I do." she answered, "I take a magazine."

What is happening to our society and the standard decency of civility in American life? Do these actors in the public eye represent the average person? Is this how your family member, neighbor, coworker, or friend behaves? When I come in contact with my clients or any consumer I do not see this behavior - these appear to be good people from all walks of life in which I enjoy wonderful conversations, whether personally or professionally. What has caused the disconnect and why do we reward bad behavior?

Just this past week in a variety of genres I have witnessed:

• Politics: A congressman shouting out in a sacred chamber to our President "You Lie" in a national address to the citizens of the United States and not being punished.
• Sports: Serena Williams, a great athlete, bombarding a lines person for doing her job with insults and threats after being called for foot fault and only being fined a minimal amount of money for this outburst.
• Music: Kanye West going on stage and ranting in front of the nation while an award is given to Taylor Swift how it should go to Beyonce.

Whether you agree with their points of view or not, is this how we communicate and behave in a civilized society? I was brought up with a value system to always treat everyone with respect. Unfortunately, the trend of rewarding bad behavior continues. We, as a whole, will continue to donate money to the Congressman's campaign, support and root for the athlete, and buy the popular music. Maybe these public figures "get it" and know that their perceived impression of the dumbing down of America is a money maker. I hope that we, as average citizens, begin to make our point heard and let these public figures understand enough is enough and this is not how to behave, survive and prosper in this great country.

This is not the best way for me to start off my Monday but I feel better already!

The strategy of retail placement in a shopping center - it can help or hurt driving traffic. Maybe its me, but I thought this was too funny.

AUGUST BRINGS SINGLE-DIGIT DECREASE IN CLOSINGS - THIRD MONTH OF 2,000+ PROPERTIES SOLD

There were 2,064 home closings reported for the month of August, according to figures provided by the Greater Nashville Association of REALTORS®. This represents an 9.2 percent decrease from the 2,273 closings reported for the same period last year.

Year-to-date closings for the Greater Nashville area have decreased 23.8 percent. There were 13,518 closings, compared with 17,758 closings reported through August of last year.

"The number of closings has stabilized in recent months and it is encouraging that we have exceeded 2,000 sales for the third consecutive month," said GNAR President Mike Nichols. "The median price has decreased, primarily as a result of short sales and foreclosures, which makes the current real estate market a good one for investors. It is also reasonable to expect that some first-time buyers will act soon to take advantage of the $8,000 tax credit before it runs out December 1, 2009."

There were 2,181 sales pending at the end of August, compared with 2,149 pending sales at this time last year. The average number of days on the market for a single-family home was 88 days.

The median residential price for a single-family home during August was $160,000, and for a condominium it was $147,900. This compares with last year's median residential and condominium prices of $177,500 and $162,500, respectively.

Inventory at the end of August was 24,404, down from 24,975 in August 2008.

"Residential and condominium inventory is lower than last year, but there is still an abundant selection of quality properties all across Greater Nashville. The inventory of farms, land and lots remains high and will likely stay that way until homebuilding activity increases," said Nichols. "Those looking to take advantage of the Federal Housing Tax Credit, if not already looking, should immediately start the process of finding a home. Buying a home is rightfully a lengthy process and to take advantage of the $8,000 credit, the property must be purchased by December 1."

Source: Greater Nashville Association of REALTORS®; Press Release 090909.

The Dog

A guy walks in to a bar with his dog he puts the dog on the bar and says to the bartender, "This is the smartest dog in the world. I bet five dollars that you can ask him any thing and he will tell you the right answer."

So the bartender said, "All right. What is 10+11+13."

The dog said, "34." Wow he got it right. So, he handed over the 5 dollar bill.

Then the guy said, "Don't let my dog go anywhere I have to use the bathroom."

So he hands the dog the 5 dollars to hold while he was in the bathroom. The bartender and the dog were having a conversation with each other so the bartender says, "If your so smart go down the road and get me a newspaper." So the dog goes out the door then the guy comes out of the bathroom. He couldn't see his dog so he asks the bartender where the dog was.

The bartender tells the guy, "The dog went to get me a newspaper."

The guy throws a fit that the bartender let the dog leave. So the guy goes out to find his dog. He looked all over until he saw his dog in a alley making love to a poodle. The man says, What are you doing? You have never done this before."

The dog says, "I have never had 5 dollars before either."

The Frog

This guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head.

The bartender says, "Hey, what's that?"

To which the frog replies "I don't know. It started as a wart on my bum and this happened."

The Pony

A pony walks into a bar and says "Bartender, may I have a drink?"

Bartender says "What? I can't hear you. Speak up!"

"May I please have a drink?"

"What? You have to speak up!"

"Could I please have a drink?"

"Now listen, if you don't speak up I will not serve you."

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little hoarse."

The Seal

A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can I get you?" asked the bartender.

"Anything but a Canadian Club" replied the seal.