Laraine Shape - Broker

Hello. Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm a talking toilet. I don't really have a name, but everyone seems to know what to call me. I have a lot of nicknames, some cute (potty) and some not so cute (sh*tter).

I have the ability to project and amplify my voice through air fresheners, much the way a ventriloquist projects through puppets. I don't do a lot of entertaining, though. I pretty much just talk to myself.

I live in a bathroom in Melbourne, Florida that happens to be for sale. The people who used to live here, Bud and Betty, talked to themselves, too. But they weren't able to project their voices through objects like I can, although I think Bud would have liked to.

Bud spent a lot of time in here shaving, studying and showering. He swore his wife was losing her mind and that his boss was an (a**hole). Betty used to come in here 3 or 4 times a day, weigh herself and swear at the scale. She also complained about the all the hair Bud left in the sink. She wasn't sure if Bud's aim was just off or if he was wearing a blindfold when he used me.

Last year this picture of me was posted in the MLS by Bud and Betty's real estate agent who's obviously a roll short of a four-pack. Can you believe it? She didn't even give me a chance to "freshen" up, close my lid or move my "microphone" out of the way.

But then, who am I to talk? I practice ventriloquism through an air freshener!

This "News Item" is a work of (comic relief) fiction. Only the MLS photos are real.
Any resemblance between the characters, persons or Realtors® is purely coincidental.
Laraine Shape - author - www.soldonbrevard.com