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Mark Seltzer

Ol' Blue

04-21-09
Mark Seltzer

Here is a good one for ya... Have a fun day !!! Mark

A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money.

He calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

" Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"


"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy sti ll messing' around with that little redhead who lives
in town?"The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that big mouth before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer, and then he went on to become the Governor of Illinois .

Now that is funny...

Down Payment assistance is back !

02-26-09
Mark Seltzer

Hello! Just wanted to let everyone know that downpayment assistance is back, of course there are a FEW rules that one must play by to qualify... The government is giving first time homebuyers a true credit of up to $8000.00 on their home purchase. To Qualify, you MUST be a first time home buyer ( no interest in a home for the last 3 years ) and there are income restrictions. Then, the state of Missouri will give you a "loan" at closing for downpayment and closing cost up tp $6750.00 of the $8000.00 credit. You then pay the state back at tax time next year for the "loan" you received. Go to my web page for more info. There are two links for you, one about the tax credit and one for the MHDC downpayment assistance program. www.markalkaseltzer.com Your Real Estate Information Page !!!!!!!!! Mark

Re-Finance now ! Rates are under 6% !!!!!!!!

01-28-09
Mark Seltzer

Hello! If you have equity in your home and want to tap into it, NOW is the time to do so. With rates under 6% and with the availability I suggest you do your cash out re-fi now. You never know if the terms will change and there are no more cash out refi's so do it now! Maybe you want to do a HUGE remodel job like an addition or total kitchen remodel... The time to act is now!

Maybe you might want to take advantage of doing an FHA 203 (k) loan?? This type of loan will provide the funds you or your clients need to finalize their dream project. Call me or write to get more info on these types of loans! Mark

Important Information We Can All Use

06-13-08
Mark Seltzer

Hello to all! As you know I search far and wide to find the "cutting edge" information that Real Estate Agents need. Armed with the knowledge you gain from markalkaseltzer.com you know that you will be well prepared to face the challenges that await you, day in and day out! Maybe it is my ( now world famous ) 3 MIN Management course, or HIGH TECH info like my lasted post of Cell Phone Technology, but usally it is a good joke or two that hopefully adds a little humor to your day! So read on ol faithful one and keep those comments coming!!!!! Mark

Subject: For those who thought they knew everything

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The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for

Blood plasma.

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No piece of paper can be folded in half

More than seven (7) times. Oh go ahead...I'll wait...~

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Donkeys kill more people annually

Than plane crashes or shark attacks. (So watch your Ass )

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You burn more calories sleeping

Than you do watching television.

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Oak trees do not produce acorns

Until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

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The first product to have a bar code

Was Wrigley's gum.

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The King of Hearts is the only king

WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE

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American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987

By eliminating one (1) olive

From each salad served in first-class.

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Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

(Since Venus is normally associated with women,what does this tell you!) *********************************************************************

Apples, not caffeine,

Are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

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Most dust particles in your house are made from

DEAD SKIN!

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The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

So did the first ' Marlboro Man. '

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Walt Disney was afraid

OF MICE!

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PEARLS MELT

IN VINEGAR!

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The three most valuable brand names on earth:

Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

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It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...

But, not downstairs.

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A duck's quack doesn't echo,

And no one knows why.

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Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush

Be kept at least six (6) feet away from

A toilet to avoid airborne particles

Resulting from the flush.

(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)

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Richard Millhouse Nixon

Was the first U.S. President whose name contains all

The letters from the word 'criminal.'

(who thinks up this stuff???)

The second?

William Jefferson Clinton

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And the best for last.....

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(I know some people like that, don't YOU?)

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SEE!! Now you are smarter than were were just a few moments ago... Now GO GET EM !!!!!!

Important Cell Phone Information

06-11-08
Mark Seltzer

Hello to all! As many of you know I search far and wide to get the information you need and deserve!! Well, actually I post jokes and stuff because we all need some humor now and then. Last post was about what we need to now to manage things... Now it is some cool stuff relating to our faithful companion the cell phone... Enjoy!! Mark

5 Things You Never Knew Your Cell Phone Could Do

For all the folks with cell phones. (This should be printed and kept in your car, purse, and wallet. Good information to have with you.)

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave
emergencies.

Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency
tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:


FIRST

Emergency

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112.. If you find
yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an
emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to
establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly, this number 112
can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out..


SECOND

Have you locked your keys in the car?

Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy
someday . Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys
in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on
their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot
from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock
button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will
unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no
object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).


Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked
Our car over a cell phone!'




THIRD

Hidden Battery Power

Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the
keys
*3370#. Your cell phone will restart with this reserve and the instrument
will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you
charge your cell phone next time.


FOURTH

How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following
digits on your phone:
*#06#. A 15-digit code will appear on the
screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it
somewhere safe.


When your phone get
s stolen, you can phone your service provider
and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset
so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally
useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know

that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there
would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.


And Finally..


FIFTH

Free Directory Service for Cells

Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for
411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not
carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation
even more of a problem.. When you need to use the 411 information, simply dial:
(800)FREE411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now.

Have a fun day...