Mark Seltzer

Hope you enjoy my online management course. Please mail all course related fees to office address. Have a AWESOME day!! Mark

Subject:

Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is

finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs

downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands

Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word,

Bob

says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After

thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and

stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds,

Bob

hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up

in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to

the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It

was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.



'Great!' the husband says, 'did he say anything about

the $800 he owes me?'



Moral of the story:



If you share critical information pertaining to credit

and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in

a position to prevent avoidable exposure.



Lesson 2



A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed

her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest

nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he

stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,

'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed

his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up

her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father,

remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry

sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the

convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at

the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.



It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will

find glory.'



Moral of the story:



If you are not well informed in your job, you might

miss a great opportunity.



Lesson 3



A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the

manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil

lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie

says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' Me first!



Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in

the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the

world.' Puff! She's gone. Me next! Me next!' says

the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on

the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless

supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff!

He's gone.. 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the

manager.



The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office

after lunch.'



Moral of the story:



Always let your boss have the first say



Lesson 4



An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing

nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I

also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered:



'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground

below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox

appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.



Moral of the story:



To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting

very, very high up.



Lesson 5



A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to

be able to get to the top of that tree,' sighed the

turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why

don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied

the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey

pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave

him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of

the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung,

he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth

night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of

the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who

shot him out of the tree.



Moral of the story:





BullSh!t might get you to the top, but it won't keep

you there.



Lesson 6



A little bird was flying south for the winter. It

was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a

large field. While he was lying there, a cow came

by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird

lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize

how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to

sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird d singing

and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat

discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and

promptly dug him out and ate him.



Morals of the story:



(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy



(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend



(3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!







This ends the 3-minute management course. *

Letter I sent to Secretary Jackson, Director of HUD.

Hello: I am a Real Estate Agent outside of St. Louis MO. I have been in the industry for over 20 years in various capacities. I am writing to you in regards to Down Payment Assistance Programs. If we really want to do something to stabilize the Real Estate Industry and the overall economy of our nation we need to allow down payment assistance through sellers or even the Federal Government itself.

Presently, you want to do away with sellers ability to assist buyers, through funds, to pay for the buyers down payment. What a great concept it is that sellers can assist and cooperate with potential buyers in the dream of home ownership!! By utilizing down payment assistance we can stop downward spiraling prices, potential increases in PMI insurance premiums ( up front and monthly ) and restore confidence in investors that buy mortgage backed securities! In case you have not heard the economy and especially the Real Estate Industry are not doing so well right now.

The mortgage program you recently passed to help the foreclosure problem is a step in the right direction. I don't see how it is helping as we speak, nor do I see of, or hear of, any success relating to the program/package in the St. Louis MO area. Fortunately, I live in St. Charles County and the market here is not as bad as in the rest of the country. But, we sure could use some help with Down Payment Assistance. It would also keep sellers from continuing to lower their prices, give financially strapped buyers necessary funds and promote a productive environment between buyer and seller.

If you have any questions or seek real world scenarios feel free to write me back or call me any time! (We work pretty much 24/7) Of Course you can check out my website, I call it my Real Estate and Mortgage Information Page. Thanks for your time...

Mark C. Seltzer

www.markalkaseltzer.com

When searching for Real Estate in St. Peters Mo. you need to visit my website. I call it my Real Estate Search and Information page. Not only can you search for property throughout the St. Charles County area, but the entire Metro St. Louis area. I call it my Real Estate Information page because there is TONS of information. If you dont find it on my site, call me our e-mail me your question or request and I will get back to you ASAP. Remember, to use my web site you NEVER have to input your personnal information! www.markalkaseltzer.com

Thought you might like this one...

BATHROOM PAINTED FLOOR !!! *IMAGINE YOU ARE AT A PARTY .... * Tenth floor of a hi-rise building....* *AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM.... * *You open the door.... ** NOW, REMEMBER,* *THE FLOOR IS JUST * A PAINTED FLOOR !** KINDA TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY.....* *DOESN'T IT?* Scroll sloooooooowly..... would this mess up your mind ??? would you be able to walk in to this bathroom???

I am sick of the doom and gloom the media portrays in the industry. These idiots that write this stuff are absolute morons! I swear, if a media person doesn't have something negative to write about, then they are lost! In the Post-Dispatch today, they write, "the market is down" and on and on. Here is my point: The idiot that wrote the article talks about how some loser had to drop his price $40,000... DO YOU THINK MAYBE IT WAS OVER PRICED?!

At the end of this fantastic piece of literature, he/she did state that prices of homes that have SOLD went up approximately 1% in St. Charles county (it is actually more). Here is the problem: Agents are pricing houses too high; they tell people their houses are worth more than they are just to get the listing. Of course, it doesn't sell and there is limited showing because IT WAS PRICED WAY TOO HIGH! So, that is the ONLY problem in St. Charles county: agents pricing homes high just to get the listing. Then, when it doesn't sell, "it's because the market is bad."

Well, I could go on and on about the subject... I would like the genious that wrote the article to explain to me how a 1% gain in price in homes SOLD (not asking price) relates to a "down market?"