Terry Chenier

If a statue in a park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air,

the person died in battle.

If the horse has one leg in the air,

the person died as a result of his wounds later.

All 4 feet on the ground meant he died of natural causes.

Winston Churchill was not only

great speech-maker, his wit was legendary.

Nacy Astor, a British MP and angry with Churchill, said, "If I were married to you, I would put poison in

your coffee". Churchill quickly responded, "Madam, if I were married to you, I'd drink it!"

In another instance, another female MP, upon seeing Churchill intoxicated, said, "Winston, you're drunk".

To which Churchill replied, "Bessie, you're ugly. And tomorrow I'll be sober".

Dr. Samuel A. Mudd was the physian who set the leg of

assassin John Wilkes Booth...and whose shame

created the expression for ignomity,

"His name is Mudd".

My morning regimen is the same every day!

Up at six AM and read 3 papers, one on-line, cover to cover,

until I have digested all the world's happenings while I slept.

There are 3 TV newscasts that also have to digested.....

CTV gives a pretty good mix

of world and local news,

while the BBC is more world-orientated in its coverage.

CNN of course is mainly U.S. news.

Who can forget watching John King and his "magic" electoral map?

That was fascinating stuff watching him manipulte the different scenarios.

I am in touch frequently with several friends in the States.

We discuss politics, world events and just generalities.

Through the course of these conversations, it was

apparant that they weren't getting the whole picture.

Subsequently, I turned them on to reading several

other newspapers on line.

Lately though, I've been avoiding reading the financial section of my papers.

In golf parlance, I'm playing the back nine;

I learn a couple of new medical terms each year,

and, I tend to reflect more these days.

I was going to do a blog on actuaries and getting old, but I decided to

lighten up....

Not really though..... I have the type of mind that won't let

something go once it's germinating in my head.

Normally, people don't want to talk about getting old,

but I shall, and get it out of the way.

I WAS going to do one blog on actuaries, then one on

old people and finally, one on dying;

you know, all the cheerful stuff.

Then it dawned on me; it's all inter-related,

so I decided, let's do one blog and get it out of the way.

Note, the taped glasses and bowtie;

this is

a sure sign of an actuary.

Actuaries can best be described

as someone who wanted to be an accountant,

but didn't have the personality for it.

What they do...

Based on a variety of sciences of probability and not-so-probability, their job is

to ensure maximum collection of insurance premiums

while trying to ensure minimum pay outs.

Old person

Note golf club and funny pants.

(This is an indicator of an old person).

Everybody thinks about this-few people discuss it.

Me, I confess, I read the obituaries every day;

not the "normal" people dying-off stuff, but

the celebrities, dying-off stuff.

The noteworthy people dying-off stuff. That stuff.

I confess, I engage in a little schaden-freude

(look it up in your Funk & Wagnalls)

from time to time,

when I read that a really, really wealthy,

famous person has snuffed it.

Money or fame didn't save him did it?

I've learned one thing in my life.....

no, two things!

If you love someone, tell them, and,

if you could only make one more telephone call,

who would you call?

And, what the hell are you waiting for?

Now, don't get me wrong; I'm a dog person, and always have been.

If you've done your job right, they will actually listen to you and do

stupid dog tricks.

They are also quite high maintenance.

They have to be walked, daily, sometimes twice daily,

it matters not what the weather is.

Most days, I stand by the window in my warm

house, hot coffee in hand, peering out

at dog owners bundled up and walking their charges

through the snow and rain and cold-

all carrying that ubiquitous little, (depending on size of dog), plastic bag.

None of them, (the dog owners), appear particularly happy; the dogs on the other hand are

wagging their tails and have their tongues hanging out with that goofy expression on their face

they all seem capable of.

This bag of course, is for picking up after your furry friend.

An extraterrestial watching this exercise for the first time

would probably think that dogs ran the planet!

You can't go away for a few days and leave a dog.

It goes into a kennel or you have someone house-sit.

If you figure, well, I'm only gone for 3 days so I'll leave 3 days food out...

Doesn't work that way with dogs! The average dog will inhale that in the first 10 minutes

and starve to death for the other 2 days. I tried it.

What is it with what people call their dogs?

I've seen monsters like this called "Tiny"

and little pieces of crap like this called "Brutus".

In the past, I've owned Great Danes, (2 as a matter of fact),

"Sheba and Caesar". Don't like that other breed of dog though,

(the Chihuahua).

One of them almost killed my Dane

when he choked trying to eat it.

(Ever tried to do the Heimlich manoevre on a 185 pound dog?)

Just so we don't get confused, the animal below, is not a dog!

It's a big mouse with a perm!

Jeez! Why would anyone own one?

Cats on the other hand, are a totally different ball game.

When I got my cats, I had to take them as a pair, as they are brother and sister.

I had to agree that they would be indoor cats and they would not be de-clawed.

BIG MISTAKE!

Despite my best efforts, I now own a new style of furniture called "ribbons".

BUT, they are low maintenance. I can go away for a week and forget them,

As long as they have plenty of water and food for that time, they space themselves and

eat accordingly. And I confess, they are good company.

The female, does stupid dog tricks-she fetches like a dog! So that's a bonus,

except she doesn't know when to quit!

And I don't have to follow it around with a plastic bag!

Most people, I think, when looking at an atlas, see

2 countries stretching east to west, or, (west to east, depending

on which end you're standing at).

NOT ME!

People in British Columbia, Washington state and Oregon have a lot in common,

we, however, have very little in common with the other Provinces and the other States.

And absolutely nothing in common with Newfoundland.

(That's that funny bit of land way out east in the ocean).

It's a place that every knows about, but nobody particularly wants to go there.

They have funny expressions there.

Such as,

"Stay where your at and I'll come where you're to".

(Whatever the hell that means!)

And their clocks are always a half hour behind everyone else.

And they do a dance called "Squid-Jigging".

(I don't make this stuff up!)

So, British Columbia, Washington and Oregon;

that's ONE country right there-running north to south.

Now, take the Prairies. (Please!). They have a lot in common with

Montana, Wyoming and the Dakotas.

They share a commonality of grain, cowboys, cattle and mosquitos.

That's a SECOND country, again, running north-south.

Now, let's look at the area euphamistically referred to as

"The Center of the Universe".

I talk now of course about Ontario and New York State.

They share bad weather, smog and the Great Lakes.

(But even they aren't so great anymore-they're polluted).

So, that's a THIRD country right there.

Again, running north-south.

Quebec has nothing in common with anyone,

(north OR south of the 49th parallel),

so, in the interest of brevity, we'll forget about them.

They do however, eat a dish there called Poutine.

This is a gelatinous mass of french fries

covered in curds and gravy!

This is considered French cuisine.

Nova Scotia, New Brunswick and Prince Edward Island

have a lot in common with Maine, Massachusetts and Rhone Island.

There, they all have funny accents and an affinity for anything nautical.

Oh, I forgot, we might add Louisiana to that list.

Way back when, a group of disgruntled French Canadians were asked to

leave the maritimes and ended up in Louisiana.

Somewhere along the line, "Canadian" got bastardized down to "Cajun",

but, they make pretty good gumbo and jambalya.

(So there, O.K., we'll include them as part of the Maritimes).

Other than the occassional flood, they figured the weather

was better down there, so they stayed.

So, if you're keeping score, that's a FOURTH country right there.

LA-LA land on the West Coast has nothing in common with anyone!

I equate this place to a giant bowl of granola-full of nuts and flakes.

The deep south operates in a totally different parallel universe,

so I won't even go there,

and Florida, is made up entirely of retired people wearing

funny golf clothes and is most noted for

oranges, hurricanes, chads and suspect politics.

Alaska & Hawaii, best known for

hockey moms and grass skirts respectfully,

have nothing in common with anyone else either,

so, we can forget about them too!

So, that's a geopraphical map of North America,

the way I see it anyway.

We are both diverse nations, separated by a common language.

People in Canada are fond of saying "EH";

As in, "It's a great day, EH?"

people in America are fond of saying "HUH";

As in, "It's a great day, HUH?".

I still haven't figured out which one is preferable.