Richard Barbee

Boundaries define one space from another, one person from another. A physical boundary helps a property owner to demonstrate the line between own land and other land. A personal boundary helps a person understand where self exists and where others exist. Both are very important.

We hire professional surveyors to define accurately the bounds of our land. There are legal and emotional factors at play in making sure where "my land" begins and ends. Very important!

Yet, few of us think of hiring a therapist or life coach or consultant to help us define accurately where we begin and end, where others begin and end. An example is when we feel completely drained by a personal or work relationship and do not know how to maintain our own sanity in the presence of the other person. Addicts and manipulators are great at violating other people's boundaries.

There are many types of personal boundaries. The word "No" is one of the most important in the language of relationships. Healthful relationships allow us to say "No" when we want to say "No". Healthy people do not force or coerce others. If we cannot say "No" in an intimate relationship, we will end up exhausted and angry. When our boundries are violated by our parents, siblings, romantic partners, or even children, we become cynical -- doubting the goodness of relationships, say "Yes" when we want to say "No", withdrawing emotionally into our own cocoon.

So, if we are to manage our anger and cynicism, if we are to engage others in healthful ways, if we are to be the best spouses and parents we can be, we must do some Boundary work. The book "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend is a fantastic, east-to-read introduction to this concept. View www.cloudtownsend.com to learn more.

1. Time Boundaries - We have a right to our time. We can choose how we spend our time, to a large degree. When we have young children, we may have less flexiblity with our time. We have to work to earn income. However, that leaves a great deal of free time. The way we use our money is usually similar to the way we use our time. Think about that for a minute. When others ask for help or assistance, we have a right to say "Yes" or "No", depending on our will. If you are in a relationship or church or workplace that does not allow you to say "No", take a hard look at the effect that is having on you.

2. Emotional Boundaries - Enmeshment is a dangerous dynamic in relationships. This is the process where we have NO emotional separation from another person or our family or our work or our church. When a person you love is hurting, it does have some effect on you. But, it does not have the right to destroy you. If a person you love is an alcoholic or commits suicide, it does not have to destroy you. A person with good boundaries can maintain their own sense of self and purpose, even when loved ones choose to throw life away. You can say "No" in responsible, respectful ways.

3. Cognitive Boundaries - You have ownership of your own thoughts. No one has a right to dominate or control your thoughts. If a lover says, "No one will ever love you like I love you", try to hear the control and irrationality in that. It sounds good, but what is the motive? Only you control your thoughts. We have the power to think what we want to think, to think what we really believe. We must take steps to protect and focus our thoughts.

I hope these thoughts are helpful for you.

"Attitude determines your altitude." - Anon

"It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect It's successful outcome." - William James, considered America's first great psychologist

"The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind." - Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

"To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Always look at what you have left.Never look at what you have lost." - Robert H. Schuller

"If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you won't, you most assuredly won't. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching pad." - Denis Waitley, Empires of the Mind

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind." - William James, considered America's first great psychologist

"You cannot tailor make the situations in life, but you can tailor make the attitudes to fit those situations before they arise. - Zig Ziglar

Life is replete with choices, at every hour, on every corner, in every mind. We cannot escape them. We dare not try. When we try to escape choices, we barrel down the highway of blame, powerlessness, fear, and bitterness. By taking ownership of our choices, we assume power, convey confidence, and stalk success.

Every emotion is the result of a belief that led to a particular thought. Emotions are the final step in determining our behaviors, habits, lifestyles, and destinies. The fantastic, explosive, awesome news is that we can control these internal processes by making better internal choices.

Where attitude is involved, belief is the foundation. Belief is based on a combination of experience, personality, genetic tendency, and environment/culture. Some things are more "controllable" than others. As the Serenity Prayer suggests, take control over what is rational and possible to control!

Here are 5 Key Attitude Choices that we must make if we are to end up with a feeling on contentment and peace:

1. The Attitude of Positive Self Belief - When you look in the mirror, what is your first thought? If the initial thought is to criticize or to worship, we are probably way off in the self-attitude department. We are not divine, and we are not demonic. We are human. Refuse to think of yourself in terms of income, house location / size / value, car, "attractive looks", or accomplishments. Develop a mindfulness of yourself as a self, a person, a child, a sibling, a father/mother, etc. The attitude of positive self belief is not about denying faults or regrets, in fact, it is about embracing them as truly YOU. Humans are not perfect, but they remain lovable and valuable. How well do you love yourself?

2. The Attitude of Cautious Kindness toward Others - In that no one is perfect, no one is perfectly trustworthy. Yet, we are a system of interconnected people. We do need each other. Hopefully, we want each other also. If we assume that all people are good or that all people are evil, we are probably way off in the cautious kindness department. We must be willing to discern others' intentions and motives with a judicial sense. However, we must remain open to experiencing others transparently and fully. When we love, we will get hurt, but the joy of love is so worth it! When we trust, we will be hurt, but the comfort of trust is so worth it! To be wise as serpents and harmless as doves is one way of putting it. Be willing to say "No" to others, but please remain open to shouting "Yes" also. Always show respect and kindness.

3. The Attitude of Optimism - This is a tough choice to make sometimes. In my own life, I have had periods of cynicism, doubt, and anger. We choose to believe in the future or to berate the future. When we devalue the future, we cast a long, dark shadow over our attitude. Can clients and customers see this gloom in our eyes? You bet. So can our partners, our children, our colleagues, etc. If we dare to look into the mirror in this state, we may not recognize the other person peering back. It is far too easy to get lost in a bad attitude. We don't even realize it. Cleanse your perceptions by interacting with new, more successful people, by getting back to nature, by reconnecting with faith, by spending time with children, by whatever means necessary. We must continue always to have hope, to choose cheer, to believe well. Circumstances do not determine our choices.

4. The Attitude of Growth - Be a lifelong learner. There is no better feeling than mastering a new subject or meeting a new challenge. Why does Brett Favre still play? Why does the lone golfer still shoot? Why does the Realtor go to a new training? The attitude of growth is a message that we will fight on, our ship will not break against the rocks. When we do not grow, there is stillness, but not the peaceful stillness. This stillness is usually tied up in managing emergencies, feeling overwhelmed, draining energy, burning us out. The positive attitude of growth says "I remain master of my destiny" and "I will be better tomorrow than I am today". It is a position of power and resolve. "I shall not be moved." "This dog still hunts." "Either lead or get out of the way." I love this attitude. "You may be ahead of me today, but tomorrow is coming, and I am learning......."

5. The Attitude of Thankfulness - What a powerful attitude! To be thankful in the midst of nothing going right is true power. The lost closing, the lost client, the overdue bill, the fear of failure.....Yet I remain thankful for the people and hope and possessions that I do have. My focus is fixed on that which is preserved and that which is promising. My eyes continue a believing gaze to the horizon, where my next success lies. Am I am thankful to God, or to my family, or to my friends, or even to myself that I have the will to walk, to step, to breathe to that next accomplishment. I am blessed, even in the belly of the beast. I am cool, even in the fire. I stand tall against the crushing tide. Thankfulness is an attitude of security and perspective. Even when all seems lost, I am thankful for where I have been, for what I have seen, for who I know, for who I am.

I hope these thougths are a blessing to you today.

When times are lean, it is very easy to grow dark, bitter, fearful, and/or discouraged. We must find an effective way to stay sharp, positive, and productive. King David wrote a Psalm about the notion of remaining steadfast when even "a thousand fall on the right of me and ten thousand fall on the left of me." Here are four internal choices to avoid:

1. The choice to envy: The ability to celebrate others' successes (that are achieved honestly and ethically) or the result of pure luck, is an internal decision. We must refuse to grow jealous, think critically out of envy, and assume the worst of others that do achieve. When another person achieves something great during these hard times, it is a fantastic opportunity to congratulate, buy them lunch, pick their brain, and repeat what they did. Instead of a chance to envy, we overcome the negative temptation by learning and working.

2. The choice to quit: When we are doing all the right things, and have already redoubled our efforts, and have already networked out the wazooo, refuse the temptation to give up. Instead of quitting, begin quizzing your actions, habits, circumstances, and attitude. Take new looks at yourself. Ask others for feedback. Be willing to try something new. Work harder. Never, ever give up. Never quit. Change tactics? Yes. Improve attitude? Yes. Learn new techniques? Absolutely. Refuse to cheat yourself and guarantee a ZERO return on your investment.

3. The choice to grow cynical and negative: Attitudes and personalities develop over time. They can also change in difficult circumstances. A once bright and productive person can be dark and slow. Tough times, traumas, major letdowns, poor results, betrayal, and more can lead us to negativity and cynicism before we realize it. When we work very hard and see little or no positive result, the temptation is to think that things will never work out, that fate is bent against us. Choose to examine the current market and environment, assess your own activities, and seek counsel. But, refuse to criticize yourself needlessly and believe in some faceless power that is set against you.

4. The choice to cheat: This may be the strongest and most frequent temptation. Bending the truth, cutting corners, using manipulation, and deception are easy to rationalize when we tell ourselves that "everybody else is doing it." Those beliefs that we choose to believe have dramatic effects on the ways in which we feel and thus behave. We fool ourselves into feeling good about wrongdoing. "It's not that bad." "Everybody does it." "Everybody lies." It's all one road to cheating and rationalization. Choose character and integrity always. Dignity matters.

I hope these thoughts are helpful and encouraging to you. God bless you in your work.

Rich Barbee

I think that many of us Realtors do not realize the numerous skills we develop over 5 to 10 or more years in the business. We become so accustomed to networking and relating that we cannot see the vast range of ability we have created.

I want to recommend something specific: consider adding onto your current efforts an easy-to-manage product or service that will help you to generate additional income. Instead of abandoning real estate altogether or getting a traditional job that will take away from your current marketing and networking efforts, add on a complimentary task.

Recently, I began researching home-based nutritional companies. As you can imagine, there are many. Some have better products than others. I googled and read and tried to find the critical articles. I settled on two corporations that had real promise. I made several calls to local medical professionals and even a Dartmouth University researcher.

These two companies are Waiora and Isagenix. You see, I have been in the sports / workout world for 25 years now. I played high school sports, lifted weights, studied martial arts and more. I have been learning about supplements and nutritional aides that entire time. Waiora and Isagenix offer unique, effective products that I can introduce easily into almost any conversation.

Waiora has a vital chocolate product that is filled with anti-oxidants and NCD, a natural zeolite.

If you would like to learn more, check out www.rediscoveryourlife.com/healthy or http://www.isagenix.com/us/en/home.dhtml . Both of these sites offer helpful information.

If you would like some free samples, just email me at richard@richardbarbee.com . I think you will find that you can create a small or big business AS you do your current work.

Thanks for reading.

Today, it was announced that pending home sales are at an "all time low". Great!

Today, Tim Geithner, Obama's financial guru, announced that unemployment WILL go higher before it trends downward. Great again!

There is a malaise over this economy. For those of us that still believe in prayer, it may be time to put in a little extra kneeling time. We were promised that the "stimulus" would rebound the economy back toward growth. Yet, after 1 trillion plus dollars, the past quarter numbers continue to be revised downward, with the explanation that they got the facts wrong.

Combine this news with the NY City Council voting to OK the building of a 13 story mosque with a palestinian stone's throw from Ground Zero and continuing negative news out of Afghanistan, one begins to wonder what is happening to our great country.

Is it just me? With geniuses like Biden and Pelosi at the helm of our economy and social policy, what could go wrong, right?

I for one cannot wait for the first Tuesday in November. All around this nation, voters are chomping at the bit to bring back some measure of sanity to Washington. Here in Tennessee, the governor's race has emphasized the role of the 10th Amendment in national politics. Go Arizona, by the way!

Virginia, Texas, Tennessee, Oklahoma, Kansas, Arizona, South Dakota, and a few other states are saying "enough is enough". The American people are too smart, too good, and too motivated to let idiots in Washington ruin our country.

Let's speak well of Lady Liberty and brag of General Washington. The beauty and history of our nation has never faded; it has been attacked by those that would deny its greatness and elegance and unique place in time.

I love America. I am glad to be an American. I am proud to be a Realtor in the greatest country the world has ever seen. Are you with me?