About Frontenac County, ON

AND HAVE THEM LOVE YOUR CAREER!

Sadly the rate of divorce is ever climbing and in the Real Estate business it is horrifying! We are near the top of professions where divorce is highest. But really, it isn't surprising when a Realtor is just starting out. You live and breathe real estate. It is all you think about and unfortunately, all you speak about too! If you've been in the business awhile, you can most likely share your own story about what maks and breaks a relationship in this business!
(I will apologize upfront as this is written from a female's perspective!)

It is often said, "A woman who has her husband behind her is a woman and a half." This is of course also true of a man's effectiveness in his career -- if his wife is more encouraging, helpful, and supportive, he'll be a lot happier and more likely to succeed than if she nags, criticizes, or complains about his hours.

Ideally, a marriage is a partnership in which each person's interests and efforts are respected and encouraged. Sadly, the facts are often different from the ideal. There is no point in wishing things were different. Let's set about to MAKE them different in a win/win manner.

First consider this basic difference:

In general, women have several very close friends with whom we can be open and vulnerable. We readily share confidences, hopes, fears, joys and sorrows. We gain great emotional support from our friends. On the other hand, men generally have only ONE person with whom they feel comfortable, open and emotional: YOU - HIS WIFE! Men have "buddies", seldom real close friends. Therefore, the MOST LIKELY THREAT to the husband is his wife pulling away from him and seeming to get her happiness and emotional support from her career.

So the FIRST order of business is to let him know he's still number one. Be aware of this fragility that is so often covered over with apparent non-emotion. Take the time to show and tell him you care. (Men, this is equally as important to your wife too!)

Secondly, realize men understand and look for three things:

1. Money

2. Money

3. MONEY!

And this is only fair! Ladies, how would you feel if he got a job where he had lots of fun, met loads of different people, had the chance to visit beautiful homes, had all kinds of future potential that would benefit the family ... but he never brought home a paycheque? How long would you be thrilled with his new job?

Be careful with your income and expenses. Deposit each and EVERY commission cheque into a specific and separate bank account.

Write EVERY business expense cheque out of this one account.

Keep all the business charges on one credit card--use a different one for the family and personal expenses.

And, if the only money available at the moment, is in the business account and a family bill must be paid, write a business cheque to the household account and write in the cheque register "Deposit from business account." Once a bill is paid, who knows or cares?

But if you wonder where all the money from this time consuming career we've chosen has disappeared to, you can document both income and outgoing. Work hard enough that you have money in the account! You can't expect your spouse to respect your "job" if you don't. $400 or $500 and hour is terrific--$40 or $50 a month isn't.

Thirdly, routine is important for security. So don't rock the boat. If he likes a big dinner and you've always cooked it, don't stop now! Plan ahead!! If he doesn't "do housework" or baby-sitting, don't expect he'll volunteer to change. Work around it! Let him benefit from your career, not suffer! Earn enough moo-la to hire a housekeeper or Molly Maids. Your time is too valuable to clean toilets!

And most importantly, share the GOOD things! Don't complain or he'll want to protect you from this thing that's making you unhappy. Consider him a sale to be made--sell the benefits to him - You'll both win!

MAKE YOUR HUSBAND LOVE YOUR CAREER by setting and sharing your goals with him. What would it mean to earn $100K+ this year? $200K+ next year? Dream your dreams together!

Remember your priorities. Show him and your family that they come before your business. Use annual and monthly calanders to remember family dates and events and then you can schedule your work hours. Faith, Family then Career!

Look and act like the part of a professional Realtor all the time - not just when you are going to a showing. Even if you are working from home, look the part. He will definitely notice if you're only looking smart when you're going to meet someone else!

Keep your business earnings separate from personal accounts. Don't allow yourself to ask him for money you need because you didn't handle your business finances properly.

Prepare a home cooked meal for him and your children before you leave once in a while - it sounds 1950'sh but it really makes a difference.

Spend time with him and your family while you stamp literature or stuff envelopes. Ask his advice sometimes. (Remember, he will support what he helps create!)

Surprise him with a special "I appreciate you" gift with some of your earnings.

Make your husband feel needed. Ask him to help you with your website, calculate sq footage, measure rooms, put up signs or stock info box flyers, help with your monthly mailers. Let him feel a part of what you are doing.

Treat him to an evening alone in or out with you - date night! I make a point of not working on a Friday evening. Celebrate your first sale of each month with him - make it a new tradition. (ours is champagne and KFC - picnic style indoors or out!)

Use some of your profits to pay a household bill.

Save some of your earnings and use them to pay for an extra family vacation.

Schedule time in your day for him. Never make him feel less important then he was before you "launched your new career".

Build your business to a profit level as soon as possible. Profit is a positive word in anyone's vocabulary.

Be positive around him and your children. Smile. Your family will enjoy being with you even more.

Thank him and your children often for all they do to enable you to be the success you are!

Move heaven and earth to make it work - Become a Real Estate success in the business and with your family! Success is a very lonely place alone,

**COMMENTS CAN BE SEED ON SUSAN EMO, GANANOQUE/ LEEDS COUNTY

Don't be Insulted with the Offer

I subscribe to StarPower's Daily Script by email and today's was especially meaningful and helpful to me as I've had a week of clients who can only be hormonal . . . it is the only excuse I can come up with that isn't too insulting!

I've had 4 deals come apart when the clients are only a few thousand apart. Both with heels dug in and refusing to budge. I've told my Sellers that they must REALLY LOVE THEIR HOME because they just bought it back from the Buyers. Explaining to them that it isn't an auction and they really want to try and stop outbidding the Buyer hasn't worked either!

This morning's script was about stopping the hissy fits I've been having to endure BEFORE they begin. Hopefully, this next script will save the day for me. I have used a similar approach in the past but this one cuts right to the chase . . .

Prior to presenting the offer, regardless of price, this is what I'll now be saying:

"Don't be insulted with this offer. Be insulted with the other people that have come through your house and have NOT made an offer. Those are the ones you want to get upset with, not these folks. These folks are trying to buy your home. Now let's see what we can do to negotiate with this person. Do you want to accept it as is, or do you want to counter; which?"

Isn't that brilliant in it's simplicity?! Just another slant on what I have been attempting to get across to my Sellers. Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated because this past week has been SHITE and I really really want this week to be greatly improved!

Thanks to all who pop in to read and respond,

CLASSES FOR MEN AVAILABLE

WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY 1st December 2008
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Scientific proof against this theory.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Support Groups with hotline available to participants.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
An entertaining presentation with moderated discussion--bring paper and pen for notes.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Power Point Presentation.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors

Under the Rules of Fair Play, Classes for Women will be open for suggestions!

Class 14

The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Who I Am Makes a Difference

"One Person can make a difference - and every person must try"

~ John F. Kennedy

"When two or more people come together in the spirit of harmony ...it's like putting LIGHTNING in a Bottle! The Teddy Stallard story and the Blue Ribbon story have the capacity to reach out to people to make a huge difference in all humanity. We must be the difference we want to make."

~ Mary Robinson Reynolds

1000 Islands, Gananoque, Canada

This October 25th, on "Make a Difference Day" I am incorporating the "Who I am Makes a Difference" Blue Ribbon ceremony into, what will hopefully become, an annual event in my community. We have too many people not realizing their full potentional. Not taking pride in who and what they are. We also have nighbours who are living their lives by example, getting no thanks or recognition for all that they do. We have young people feeling the need to turn to drugs for acceptance in a clique. And, simply too many people not being appreciated, thinking that what they do doesn't count.

Well it does count! To Me!! And hopefully, to many many others as well. I will admit I am doing this for selfish reasons . . . I want to re-energize my workplace culture--and inspire greater loyalty--using the power of compassion.

For those of you who are not familiar with these two stories, perhaps you saw the movie "Pay it Forward" ? I can't tell you how many times I have viewed this movie and each and every time it has moved me that little bit more until I now have this uncontrollable need to share it with everyone with whom I come in contact . You can view a clip of what inspired the Blue Ribbon campaign in the clip below

Blue Ribbon Movie

"Success is about experiencing the best of yourself. You have an innate ability to be whatever your heart pulls you toward. And yes, it takes integrity to acquire a sense of self which says, "Yes I can, yes I can, yes I can." It takes integrity to attain a high level of self-esteem which attracts success in all arenas of your life. So BE IT, HAVE IT, OWN IT - ENJOY IT!"

Think about joining me in some way, in your own community! October 25th is not too far away so think of what you can do this year in the short term and create some big plans for next year.

*** Please see SusanEmo/Leeds County/ Gananoque for the comments on this post.

"The tongue is like a razor; you can do good or cut someone with your words" ~Author unknown.

Contrary to the esteemed Dr Freud's theory that the primary human drives are to seek pleasure and to avoid pain, I believe what we want most is to find happiness and to find meaning or purpose. We want to know that we have lived fully and experienced joy with a deep feeling of contentment. Country singer, Tim McGraw's song comes to mind: "To Live Like You are Dying". Happiness is about the moments in our lives and the meaning or purpose is about our sense of connection.

In Anna Karenina, Tolstoy writes that "happy families are all alike; but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way". That seems to ring true when you speak with happy people - they each have certain things in common in terms of how they live their life. The secrets to happiness if you will. But simply knowing the secrets doesn't quite do it. We all know that we're supposed to eat well, exercise and not smoke, etc. But that doesn't keep us from our vices. The people who live these happy lives not only know the secrets but apply them daily! We have to decide that we're going to happy and that's that!

The First Secret: BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!
The greatest tragedy in life is to spend your whole life fishing only to discover that it was not fish you were after ~Henry David Thoreau

To live with intention, we need to continually and regularly ask three critical life questions:

•1. Am I following by heart and being true to myself?

•2. Is my life focused on the things that really matter to me?

•3. Am I being the person I want to be in the world or am I living someone else's expectatations?

The Second Secret: LEAVE NO REGRETS!!

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.
~Harriet Beecher Stowe

Regret is possibly the one thing we all fear the most; that we might look back on our lives and wish we had done things differently. To leave no regrets we must live with courage, moving toward what we want rather than away from what we fear. To leave no regrets we must overcome the inevitable disappointments that life hands us. We cannot ever be guaranteed of success but we can guarantee failure merely by choosing not to try at all! Always ask yourself: Fear or Faith?

Get into the habit of asking yourself at the end of each week:

•1. Did I act out of fear this week? How do I want to be more courageous next week?

•2. How am I responding to the setbacks in my life right now? Am I stepping forward or retreating?

•3. What might I do differently right now if I were living from the perspective of an old person on the porch looking back at my life?

The Third Secret: BECOME LOVE!

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion
~The Dalai Lama

Choose to see others with kindness. It is like a courtship. When you first get together with someone, you focus almost entirely on the things you like about the other person. But over time, people tend to focus more and more on the things which irritate them about the other person rather than what they like. If people would just turn that ratio around, most marriages and families would be so much better. When I hear of couples not getting along, on the brink of separation, I ask them to write down the Top Ten things they were attracted to in the beginning. I then ask them if they can add to the list, what else did they discover was wonderful about their partner? If they can focus on the good, the not-so-good usually fades away. Do good if you can, but always do no harm! Try to lift them up in some way. By what we say and do we can either make someone day or ruin it. The tongue is like a razor; you can do good or cut someone with your words.

More to think about each week:

•1. Did I make room for friends, family and relationships this week? Did I allow things to be more important than people?

•2. Was I kind and loving this week to the people closest to me? How can I improve upon this?

•3. Did I act as if each stranger was someone for whom l I could make a difference?

•4. Am I planting flowers or weeds in my self-conscious mind this week? Did I engage in negative self-talk or did I lift my spirit?

THE FOURTH SECRET: LIVE THE MOMENT!

Life lived for tomorrow will always be just a day away from being realized ~Leo Buscaglia

If life goes by quickly, then one of the secrets to happiness is to get more out of the time we have, to find a way that each moment and each day become great gifts. Don't focus on the past or the future but experience each moment with gratitude and purpose. We have power in each moment to contentment and happiness. Every day is a gift. ("To Live Like You were Dying" !) Happiness is all in your head. Here are some more things to think about:

•1. Did I really enjoy myself this week? Was I in the moment or did I just show up?

•2. Did I take every pleasure available to me or did I just run through the week?

•3. What am I grateful for this week? Did I find myself saying "I would be happy if only . . ."?

•4. Did I live in the present or did I let tomorrow or yesterday steal the day's happiness?

THE FIFTH SECRET: GIVE MORE THAN YOU TAKE!
An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Ask what life expects of you not what you expect from life. Did you know that we have a great deal of control over what we give, but almost none over what we get. Each day we have the power to give without limit, to leave the world better in some way. Giving connects us to something larger. And in the act of doing so, happiness finds us!

The last questions I want you to think about each week:

•1. Did I make the world a better place in some small way?

•2. Did I remind myself this week that I am making a difference, even if I don't see it?

•3. Was I focused myself or my contribution to the world this week?

•4. Can I stop judging the life I've lived and get on with what life I may still have left to live?

Keep your vision and keep focused. Trust in yourself and keep going toward your goal; you will get there, you might not know how, but you will!

I believe in you,

*** Please see Susan Emo, Leeds County, Gananoque for the many comments on this post