Estacada, OR

As I sit here at 3:55 in the morning, wide awake, I come across a joke that makes me realize that I am laughing out loud, as suppose to inside my head, and I might wanna be quiet, so I am sharing this joy for you all, so you can laugh out loud too! (hopefully it will be a good start to your day, and not the end of one like mine);)

How To Give Your Pet A Pill...

How To Give Your Cat A Pill:

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for ASPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give Your Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

A Few Simple Tips to Help Prepare your Home to Sell in the Country

You might feel a little anxious about putting your home on the market during these times. You probably see all of the homes listed for sale in your area, and think, "how can my home sell if those aren't?" The difference is making your home the Diamond out of all the comparable properties in your area. If you are motivated, and want to sell your home, with a few tender touches and some repairs, you might surprise yourself.

A lot of homes are not selling because the seller just doesn't care anymore, they just want to unload the property, or if they are bank-owned, there's not going to someone who wants to take care of the property until it does sell.

When you're selling your home in the country/rural area, you need to view it as though someone from the city might be buying it. You need to put yourself in their mind-frame, and try to realize what they want the property for. You have to make it worth their while to spend that gas money!

First, you need to view your home and property through a buyer's perspective. When you first began looking for your home in the country, what was it you looked for? Was it your location? Whether you were on a paved road or a private gravel road? Was it important to you that the home be move-in ready? Or were you looking for a home to fix up and mold into your own?

Selling your home basically means that you have to step outside your home and try to view it as you once did, on the outside looking in. Then you need to make the infamous "list". A list of items that Have to be completed prior to sell and a list of items you'd Like to be completed. From clean up to home improvement, an agent can help you decide which projects will increase your home's marketability, and/or value.

What you are looking for first is your Curb Appeal. What impression does your house give you when you (the prospective buyer) drive up to it? Does it need a fresh coat of paint? Or maybe that burned out lamplight might need a new bulb? How does your lawn look, or your plants and shrubbery? Is your porch railing still missing?

Another thing you need to look at is your Outbuildings. What impression are they giving off? Does your shed need a good hose down? Does your shop need a little organizing? Now is the time to complete those projects that you have been putting off. You may be feeling like "What is the point? We're going to be moving anyways". Well the point is that a prospective buyer may come in, love your house, then go out into the shop, and be unable to picture themselves in it because they are distracted by your tools, vehicles, etc.

You will also want to make sure that your animals are nice and pretty! Whether its cattle, horses, or even little chickens, it will help improve the overall picture of your property. Most likely, any buyer is going to be having their own animals on the property, so painting a nice picture in their minds will help create the feeling that they are looking for.

Next you need to walk into your home and take a look around. How is your flooring? Does it need a good clean? Or is your carpet a little worn? Is there hardwood underneath that you could brighten up? These are all things that a buyer is going to wonder when they walk in. They are also going to be looking for the "feel" of the room. Is it light and airy? Or maybe a little dark? Adding a simple lamp might help change the feeling of a room for the buyer. You will also want to remove any clutter or items that might distract your buyer from what they are there to look at.

If you have any rooms in your home that might be a bit bold, you might want to think about repainting the walls to white. You may have loved the pop of the color, but a buyer most times is unable to think about repainting a vibrant wall color to a different color, while with a white wall they would be able to make it into any color they could imagine.

Now if you have property with any views, whether of mountains or forestry, you will want to enhance those views by really cleaning any windows and doors that can see the views.

Another idea might be to gather up any information from past sales from any Christmas trees or land/stall leases that you may have made for the last few years, to get ready for your agent.

You will want to stay updated on any cleaning and maintaining of your property, remember, in today's market you want to make sure that your property is the "diamond" out of all comparable properties. To do that you must make the simple changes that can make that one buyer Feel as if they have found their home!